Negativ Steve sent this link over, today. Apparently, this little flash animation has been floating around for a while, but we're just now getting to it. Check out the video and come back :)
The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny, for some reason, reminds me of Ultraman is Airwolf. It's just this great geek-pop-something-or-other-that-doesn't-make-sense. This is a catchy tune with some fun animation. I enjoyed it so much, I've been digging around The Lemon Demon site tonight, looking for more of their songs. It looks like their CDs are jammed packed with atrocious geeky goodness. This pleases Lit. Time to make some post-Holiday purchases. I need some new tunes for the office, ya know?
Check their stuff out and if you like it, snag your own copy.
I need more music like this. If you're a crazy geek musician, speak up!
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Now, this is a holiday special I can appreciate!
At last! The Great Prophet of Disdain has his own Christmas Special. That's right, folks, Denis Leary finally gets to let loose on all of you cheer mongers. I say it's a long time coming. I can only hope the real Grinch will make an appearance.
Cry merry and let slip the contempt!
SQL> Select * From ComedyCentralListings Where Appeal="Freakin' Bad Ass";
Cry merry and let slip the contempt!
SQL> Select * From ComedyCentralListings Where Appeal="Freakin' Bad Ass";
Monday, November 21, 2005
No, I'm not "...all ready for the )(*&^)(*&@)#$(*^!@()*^%)(*&#$ holidays..." !!!!
STOP ASKING THIS QUESTION! What is WRONG with you people?! This is one of the most grating post 10/31 icebreakers in the history of... well... anyfreakingthing!
1. Do you really care, if I'm ready for the holidays?
2. Do you really want to hear me express my disdain for all the commercial, superflous fluff scattered around and so ridiculously admired?
3. Do you really want me to just roll my eyes and tune you out while you drone on and on and on about how wonderful this will be or how fabulous that will be?
Get over it, people. I don't like the holidays and I don't want to talk about it. I certainly don't want to defend my position on the matter to someone I'll never see or speak to again in my lifetime. So don't get up on your mighty horse and call me a freakin' scrooge. It wasn't your business to begin with, nor is it any more your business when I tell you I could give a discarded candy wrapper about it.
The next doughhead who poses this inquiry to me, will likely be trying to wash down their Rudolph the Inedbriated Reindeer's jingle bell socks with their Christmas tree water. Because I'm going to stuff the goddamned things down their throat!
Not everyone likes the holidays, dammit! We keep that to ourselves! Why don't you keep your dicontent with my personal feelings to yourself as well. If you don't ask me, I don't have to tell you.
1. Do you really care, if I'm ready for the holidays?
2. Do you really want to hear me express my disdain for all the commercial, superflous fluff scattered around and so ridiculously admired?
3. Do you really want me to just roll my eyes and tune you out while you drone on and on and on about how wonderful this will be or how fabulous that will be?
Get over it, people. I don't like the holidays and I don't want to talk about it. I certainly don't want to defend my position on the matter to someone I'll never see or speak to again in my lifetime. So don't get up on your mighty horse and call me a freakin' scrooge. It wasn't your business to begin with, nor is it any more your business when I tell you I could give a discarded candy wrapper about it.
The next doughhead who poses this inquiry to me, will likely be trying to wash down their Rudolph the Inedbriated Reindeer's jingle bell socks with their Christmas tree water. Because I'm going to stuff the goddamned things down their throat!
Not everyone likes the holidays, dammit! We keep that to ourselves! Why don't you keep your dicontent with my personal feelings to yourself as well. If you don't ask me, I don't have to tell you.
Monday, October 31, 2005
More Movies
After such a lengthy hiatus from movie going, I choose to return to a weekly venture rounded out by... hold steady... Saw II and That Other Zorro Movie
Saw II was easily the squirmiest thing I've ever seen in a theater. But, I didn't see Jaws in a theater. The opening scene was the only time I've ever actually closed my eyes at a movie. For good reason though. Anyone who knows me can attest to my inability to allow simple eye drops into my eyes. This scene played on every aspect of that aversion. On the whole, I can say the movie was "o.k.". But, I haven't seen the first one and don't particularly care for fare such as this.
That Other Zorro Movie was awful. Don't waste your time or money. Members of my family are obligated to see Zorro on television and in film for reasons known only to us. I wish I'd stayed home. Zorro wasn't about saving the world or even just the United States, people. He certainly wasn't indirectly involved with the American Civil War. Horrid. Horrid. Horrid. Zorro the Gay Blade did the overall story more justice than this tripe.
The good news is:
1. Harry Potter IV shall be released soon. It's sure to be an enjoyable romp through a world that doesn't exist. Children need more fantasy and escape, as far as I'm concerned.
2. Likewise The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe will follow shortly thereafter. Yes, Lewis's stories are frequently allegory for Christianity, but I didn't read them that way when I was a child, nor did I hear them that way when they were read to me. They were simply a story of a wonderful place where children could be heroes. And that is what imagination is all about.
3. Finally King Kong. Peter Jackson is the man. At least, we hope he stays the man and doesn't become George "I'll Sell Out For Any Buck" Lucas or Stephen "I'm the Greatest Director Ever So I Can Change Any Writer's Story To My Heart's Content" Spielberg. But, I digress. King Kong looks impressive. Surprisingly, Jack Black seems to be walking into the film director's role quite well, without playing "himself". And Naomi Watts actually seems to suit the leading lady's role a bit better even than Faye Wray did. Blasphemy, I know. But, it just seems to work so well.
Granted, Jackson has an entire warehouse full of computers capable of more stunning effects than the original. But, his choice to be faithful to the setting and time of the original is simply awesome.
SQL> Select * From Movies Where Suck = False;
Saw II was easily the squirmiest thing I've ever seen in a theater. But, I didn't see Jaws in a theater. The opening scene was the only time I've ever actually closed my eyes at a movie. For good reason though. Anyone who knows me can attest to my inability to allow simple eye drops into my eyes. This scene played on every aspect of that aversion. On the whole, I can say the movie was "o.k.". But, I haven't seen the first one and don't particularly care for fare such as this.
That Other Zorro Movie was awful. Don't waste your time or money. Members of my family are obligated to see Zorro on television and in film for reasons known only to us. I wish I'd stayed home. Zorro wasn't about saving the world or even just the United States, people. He certainly wasn't indirectly involved with the American Civil War. Horrid. Horrid. Horrid. Zorro the Gay Blade did the overall story more justice than this tripe.
The good news is:
1. Harry Potter IV shall be released soon. It's sure to be an enjoyable romp through a world that doesn't exist. Children need more fantasy and escape, as far as I'm concerned.
2. Likewise The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe will follow shortly thereafter. Yes, Lewis's stories are frequently allegory for Christianity, but I didn't read them that way when I was a child, nor did I hear them that way when they were read to me. They were simply a story of a wonderful place where children could be heroes. And that is what imagination is all about.
3. Finally King Kong. Peter Jackson is the man. At least, we hope he stays the man and doesn't become George "I'll Sell Out For Any Buck" Lucas or Stephen "I'm the Greatest Director Ever So I Can Change Any Writer's Story To My Heart's Content" Spielberg. But, I digress. King Kong looks impressive. Surprisingly, Jack Black seems to be walking into the film director's role quite well, without playing "himself". And Naomi Watts actually seems to suit the leading lady's role a bit better even than Faye Wray did. Blasphemy, I know. But, it just seems to work so well.
Granted, Jackson has an entire warehouse full of computers capable of more stunning effects than the original. But, his choice to be faithful to the setting and time of the original is simply awesome.
SQL> Select * From Movies Where Suck = False;
Friday, October 28, 2005
The Pitter Patter...
My teammate and his wife welcomed their second child at 0219, this morning. Miranda Ivy will leave the hospital this weekend and we're all looking forward to meeting her. Congratulations Agro and AgroGirl on AgroGirl V2.0!!!!
SQL> Select * From Mom Where Birthday <= Date( );
SQL> Select * From Mom Where Birthday <= Date( );
Monday, October 24, 2005
"DOOM"
Somebody's got a lot of explaining to do.
The game and it's 'plot' are very simple:
You're a Marine. You're stationed on Mars. Something goes wrong. Hell literally breaks loose. Everyone else becomes hellspawn. Here's a gun. Shoot a lot of stuff.
No one expected anything more than this from the movie. Really. We didn't have high expectations. We didn't want or need plot or character development. Much less the weak ass excuse for what was happening. We just wanted to see a lot of horrible looking things get shot. A lot. And then some more.
Let me just emphasize this point "a lot". Just do everything a lot.
Granted, the one thing I felt needed to happen, did happen. At the very end. Not at the beginning, like it should have happened, dammit. And it involved the obligatory lame ass hand to hand fight. BLAH.
GUNS
It's simple. Very simple. DOOM is credited with creating the "Big Fucking Gun". What more do we need?! Just shoot a lot of stuff a lot with a lot of cool guns!
*grrrrr*
SQL> Select Guns From PlotDevices Where Volume = 1,000,000,000;
The game and it's 'plot' are very simple:
You're a Marine. You're stationed on Mars. Something goes wrong. Hell literally breaks loose. Everyone else becomes hellspawn. Here's a gun. Shoot a lot of stuff.
No one expected anything more than this from the movie. Really. We didn't have high expectations. We didn't want or need plot or character development. Much less the weak ass excuse for what was happening. We just wanted to see a lot of horrible looking things get shot. A lot. And then some more.
Let me just emphasize this point "a lot". Just do everything a lot.
Granted, the one thing I felt needed to happen, did happen. At the very end. Not at the beginning, like it should have happened, dammit. And it involved the obligatory lame ass hand to hand fight. BLAH.
GUNS
It's simple. Very simple. DOOM is credited with creating the "Big Fucking Gun". What more do we need?! Just shoot a lot of stuff a lot with a lot of cool guns!
*grrrrr*
SQL> Select Guns From PlotDevices Where Volume = 1,000,000,000;
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
The Greatest Generation and I
My great-uncle George was the type of uncle, no matter the generation, every kid should have in their adolescence. Along with my other uncles, he managed to lighten and liven things up during family gatherings. He told jokes, ruffled our hair, let us watch television late, all while aiding and abetting our myriad delinquencies (cookie smuggling).
I remember him best as the family's chocolate-icing-bandit. It was a simple ploy, actually, nothing very clever, unique or, quite honestly, fresh. See, there's a gene in my family that compells many of us to flop chocolate cake on its side and eat the cake out from in between the icing with extreme care. Given our gene for obsessive compulsion, this becomes a very pains taking task, in which we ensure the icing does not collapse on itself and that all the cake is neatly picked away from the icing. Doing so leaves a carefully crafted "F" of sorts on your plate.
There are those, however, who did not receive this gene. My brother, who was known to shovel entire cakes into his maw, did not receive it. Nor did great-uncle George.
George would sit patiently at the dinner table watching my other uncles and those of us with the gene complete our task. Then, quite simply, he'd go for the lamest distraction technique known to man:
"Look! A dead bird flying!"
That's right, a dead bird flying. D-E-A-D dead. Croaked. Shuffled its mortal coil. No longer with us. Incapable of flight. Corpse. Worm food.
My uncle always looked in the direction indicated by George's left index finger. And without hesitation, George's right hand and fork always swooped down to the dupe's plate, scooped up the icing and delivered it to his mouth before said dupe discovered his fateful error. I'm not sure why my uncle let him get away with this silly trick so many times. Maybe he was just being kind. Maybe he was the witting straightman to George's comedy routine. I don't think I'll ever know.
The other thing I really know about my great-uncle George is that he fought in World War II. The story of his service has never been very clear to me. I know that he fought in the Pacific theater. I know that he was severely injured in the left hand. But I know little else. I was simply too young to be very aware of what he had done. I never asked him any questions, mostly because I didn't know what to ask.
He passed away thirteen years ago.
It wasn't until last week, that I fully appreciated the breadth of who this man was. I had the good fortune to meet a gentleman who had served with the famed Easy Company of the 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment. Being more familiar, now, with veterans, his modesty and humility seemed commonplace. But what really struck me was when we discussed how fame for Easy Company may be diminishing the sacrifices and great deeds of others from The Greatest Generation. Be they in the war, at home or after the war.
Grasping that I know so very little about my own family, contrasted by how much I know of a man I spoke with for two hours. For that reason, I write today of George and not the man I met at Baltimore Washington International.
Thank you for everything you did for us, George.
I remember him best as the family's chocolate-icing-bandit. It was a simple ploy, actually, nothing very clever, unique or, quite honestly, fresh. See, there's a gene in my family that compells many of us to flop chocolate cake on its side and eat the cake out from in between the icing with extreme care. Given our gene for obsessive compulsion, this becomes a very pains taking task, in which we ensure the icing does not collapse on itself and that all the cake is neatly picked away from the icing. Doing so leaves a carefully crafted "F" of sorts on your plate.
There are those, however, who did not receive this gene. My brother, who was known to shovel entire cakes into his maw, did not receive it. Nor did great-uncle George.
George would sit patiently at the dinner table watching my other uncles and those of us with the gene complete our task. Then, quite simply, he'd go for the lamest distraction technique known to man:
"Look! A dead bird flying!"
That's right, a dead bird flying. D-E-A-D dead. Croaked. Shuffled its mortal coil. No longer with us. Incapable of flight. Corpse. Worm food.
My uncle always looked in the direction indicated by George's left index finger. And without hesitation, George's right hand and fork always swooped down to the dupe's plate, scooped up the icing and delivered it to his mouth before said dupe discovered his fateful error. I'm not sure why my uncle let him get away with this silly trick so many times. Maybe he was just being kind. Maybe he was the witting straightman to George's comedy routine. I don't think I'll ever know.
The other thing I really know about my great-uncle George is that he fought in World War II. The story of his service has never been very clear to me. I know that he fought in the Pacific theater. I know that he was severely injured in the left hand. But I know little else. I was simply too young to be very aware of what he had done. I never asked him any questions, mostly because I didn't know what to ask.
He passed away thirteen years ago.
It wasn't until last week, that I fully appreciated the breadth of who this man was. I had the good fortune to meet a gentleman who had served with the famed Easy Company of the 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment. Being more familiar, now, with veterans, his modesty and humility seemed commonplace. But what really struck me was when we discussed how fame for Easy Company may be diminishing the sacrifices and great deeds of others from The Greatest Generation. Be they in the war, at home or after the war.
Grasping that I know so very little about my own family, contrasted by how much I know of a man I spoke with for two hours. For that reason, I write today of George and not the man I met at Baltimore Washington International.
Thank you for everything you did for us, George.
Friday, October 07, 2005
An Open Letter, to an Old Friend...
Dear Cyberdemon,
We've known each other quite some time, haven't we? I thought we had some great times in The Tower of Babel as well as in Tricks and Traps. You've always proven a worthy adversary, if not an intimidating one.
I'm sure you've been doing well, over the years. What with your ability to remanifest yourself in numerous and sundry realms or dimensions. How are the kids doing? They seemed in good spirit last night, when my fellow Marine and I decided to pay ya'll a visit.
We thought it very gracious of you to experiment with us, while we tested the new weapons the UAC has provided. That was quite a surprise. You see, we travelled down a lift, inside the Mars mines. At the bottom, we found a room filled to the brim with UAC weaponry and ammunition. Imagine our surprise, at this bounty from the corporation. Usually the suits are so stingy, when providing for those of us not in their direct employ. My counterpart was a bit suspicious of their motives, but I knew exactly what to expect.
I said, "We're going to visit our old friend! The Cyberdemon! Wow, I haven't seen him, since, well, since I played DOOM 2 last weekend!" I was elated. The thought of spending some time with such a good old friend was tremendous.
I do recall, however, you predilection for rough housing, so I spent a moment checking the status of each of the UAC provisions. I wanted to make sure I was prepared for a pleasant bout with you. Pleasant, indeed. Your new home has a great view and the fireplace was really cozy! Things had gotten so chilly on Mars, it was wonderful to warm up by the fire.
The children were excited to see us, that's fore sure. I really got a kick out of them, clambering up the chimney like that! You should be proud, they're really taking after you!
I hope you had as much fun as we did. I'm sorry the dimensional rift, by which you'd entered our continuum, was sealed up when we were done rough housing. You're such a clever demon, though, I have no doubt you'll need little time to find a new means by which to visit!
Say "Hello!" to the Spidermastermind for me. I hope she's doing well. I haven't seen her since ya'll married!
See ya in hell,
LiteraryAlchemist
We've known each other quite some time, haven't we? I thought we had some great times in The Tower of Babel as well as in Tricks and Traps. You've always proven a worthy adversary, if not an intimidating one.
I'm sure you've been doing well, over the years. What with your ability to remanifest yourself in numerous and sundry realms or dimensions. How are the kids doing? They seemed in good spirit last night, when my fellow Marine and I decided to pay ya'll a visit.
We thought it very gracious of you to experiment with us, while we tested the new weapons the UAC has provided. That was quite a surprise. You see, we travelled down a lift, inside the Mars mines. At the bottom, we found a room filled to the brim with UAC weaponry and ammunition. Imagine our surprise, at this bounty from the corporation. Usually the suits are so stingy, when providing for those of us not in their direct employ. My counterpart was a bit suspicious of their motives, but I knew exactly what to expect.
I said, "We're going to visit our old friend! The Cyberdemon! Wow, I haven't seen him, since, well, since I played DOOM 2 last weekend!" I was elated. The thought of spending some time with such a good old friend was tremendous.
I do recall, however, you predilection for rough housing, so I spent a moment checking the status of each of the UAC provisions. I wanted to make sure I was prepared for a pleasant bout with you. Pleasant, indeed. Your new home has a great view and the fireplace was really cozy! Things had gotten so chilly on Mars, it was wonderful to warm up by the fire.
The children were excited to see us, that's fore sure. I really got a kick out of them, clambering up the chimney like that! You should be proud, they're really taking after you!
I hope you had as much fun as we did. I'm sorry the dimensional rift, by which you'd entered our continuum, was sealed up when we were done rough housing. You're such a clever demon, though, I have no doubt you'll need little time to find a new means by which to visit!
Say "Hello!" to the Spidermastermind for me. I hope she's doing well. I haven't seen her since ya'll married!
See ya in hell,
LiteraryAlchemist
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Monsters from the id...
...software anyway.
I cranked up cooperative DOOM 3 for the first time tonight on XBox Live. Now here's a different experience. Not only was it kinda cool to have some help in the game - "I'll keep my flashlight on, you blow the hell out of anything it lights up." - but it was odd playing with someone who thinks DOOM is properly referred to as "Classic Doom" and doesn't understand that DOOM 2 was a sequel released shortly after the original game, utilizing the same engine. heh. I felt old. Anyway, the guy who joined my game (call him "Night", gamertag edited to protect the innocent) was a pretty cool kid. No trash talking, no bashing me for wanting to play coop and he was pretty patient with my old ass.
Shortly after I picked up the rocket launcher (dumb luck, that), we started to hear something that sounded vaguely familiar. An odd sort of moaning, grunting roar. As we listened to it, the following conversation took place (I'll paraphrase):
:Night: "Dude, do you hear that?"
:Lit: "Yeah. And it sounds familiar."
:Night: "What do you mean?"
:Lit: "Sounds like a Chet."
:Night: "A Chet? What's that?"
[we're slowly and I do mean slowly picking our way through a series of narrow corridors at this point]
:Lit: "I'm not really sure how to describe him and I can't recall the proper name. Most of the names I use for the foul creatures in DOOM are the nicknames I used for them in game play back in the day. Like calling the Pinky Demon a Pink Meanie. Anyway, Chet was this big thing with a pair of cannons or something that spat high speed trios of unpleasantness at you. They're big, bulky and ugly. Have you seen Weird Science?"
:Night: "Yeah."
:Lit: "Remember when Lisa turned Chet into that thing at the end when he swallowed the bug?"
:Night: "Yeah."
:Lit: "The creature that sounded like this in DOOM looked like Chet. Hence, the name."
[About this point, we come into a large corridor with pillars in it, which looks painfully familiar... it reminds me of the level Dead Simple in DOOM 2, more moaning]
:Night: "Whoa, what is that?!"
[He's getting pummeled by a Chet, as I round a corner]
:Lit: "Yeah. Chet." [rocket, rocket, rocket, rocket, rocket, lousy thing dies]
:Night: "What was that thing?"
[I can hear another one]
:Lit: "Definitely a Chet. I'll look up the name for you. I hate those things. They pretty much have to be beat down with a plasma rifle, rocket launcher or double barrelled shotgun." [I'm eating crow as I destroy the second one with my chaingun]
:Night: "Ugh."
:Lit: "Yeah, I never liked them, either."
As we left the courtyard full of Chets, he asked me what I thought the toughest demon in the game is. Without hesitation, I replied "Cyberdemon".
:Night: "What's a Cyberdemon?"
:Lit: "Pretty much the worst thing you can imagine. Big bastard. He fills up a room when he's in it. Got ugly horns, the face from hell... no pun intended... a rocket launcher on one arm and a robotic leg. He flings rockets like there's no tomorrow, basically killing you in a heartbeat. You'll know you're about to encounter one by the sound he makes pacing around." [I then proceeded to imitated the mechanical hum and thump of the monster's left leg, followed by the thump of his "natural" right leg.]
:Night: "Oh. Ok."
I was annoyed with myself, because I forgot Chet's proper name, so I looked it up... There's a monster roster on Planet DOOM. Chet is the Mancubus about halfway down.
When it's all said and done, I had a good time. I look forward to playing some more DOOM 3 coop soon. Now, if I can just find some shells for the shotgun...
SQL> Select * From tblAmmoCrate Where Type = 'Shotgun';
I cranked up cooperative DOOM 3 for the first time tonight on XBox Live. Now here's a different experience. Not only was it kinda cool to have some help in the game - "I'll keep my flashlight on, you blow the hell out of anything it lights up." - but it was odd playing with someone who thinks DOOM is properly referred to as "Classic Doom" and doesn't understand that DOOM 2 was a sequel released shortly after the original game, utilizing the same engine. heh. I felt old. Anyway, the guy who joined my game (call him "Night", gamertag edited to protect the innocent) was a pretty cool kid. No trash talking, no bashing me for wanting to play coop and he was pretty patient with my old ass.
Shortly after I picked up the rocket launcher (dumb luck, that), we started to hear something that sounded vaguely familiar. An odd sort of moaning, grunting roar. As we listened to it, the following conversation took place (I'll paraphrase):
:Night: "Dude, do you hear that?"
:Lit: "Yeah. And it sounds familiar."
:Night: "What do you mean?"
:Lit: "Sounds like a Chet."
:Night: "A Chet? What's that?"
[we're slowly and I do mean slowly picking our way through a series of narrow corridors at this point]
:Lit: "I'm not really sure how to describe him and I can't recall the proper name. Most of the names I use for the foul creatures in DOOM are the nicknames I used for them in game play back in the day. Like calling the Pinky Demon a Pink Meanie. Anyway, Chet was this big thing with a pair of cannons or something that spat high speed trios of unpleasantness at you. They're big, bulky and ugly. Have you seen Weird Science?"
:Night: "Yeah."
:Lit: "Remember when Lisa turned Chet into that thing at the end when he swallowed the bug?"
:Night: "Yeah."
:Lit: "The creature that sounded like this in DOOM looked like Chet. Hence, the name."
[About this point, we come into a large corridor with pillars in it, which looks painfully familiar... it reminds me of the level Dead Simple in DOOM 2, more moaning]
:Night: "Whoa, what is that?!"
[He's getting pummeled by a Chet, as I round a corner]
:Lit: "Yeah. Chet." [rocket, rocket, rocket, rocket, rocket, lousy thing dies]
:Night: "What was that thing?"
[I can hear another one]
:Lit: "Definitely a Chet. I'll look up the name for you. I hate those things. They pretty much have to be beat down with a plasma rifle, rocket launcher or double barrelled shotgun." [I'm eating crow as I destroy the second one with my chaingun]
:Night: "Ugh."
:Lit: "Yeah, I never liked them, either."
As we left the courtyard full of Chets, he asked me what I thought the toughest demon in the game is. Without hesitation, I replied "Cyberdemon".
:Night: "What's a Cyberdemon?"
:Lit: "Pretty much the worst thing you can imagine. Big bastard. He fills up a room when he's in it. Got ugly horns, the face from hell... no pun intended... a rocket launcher on one arm and a robotic leg. He flings rockets like there's no tomorrow, basically killing you in a heartbeat. You'll know you're about to encounter one by the sound he makes pacing around." [I then proceeded to imitated the mechanical hum and thump of the monster's left leg, followed by the thump of his "natural" right leg.]
:Night: "Oh. Ok."
I was annoyed with myself, because I forgot Chet's proper name, so I looked it up... There's a monster roster on Planet DOOM. Chet is the Mancubus about halfway down.
When it's all said and done, I had a good time. I look forward to playing some more DOOM 3 coop soon. Now, if I can just find some shells for the shotgun...
SQL> Select * From tblAmmoCrate Where Type = 'Shotgun';
News about stuff
In personal news...
I have to go to Maryland next week, for business. My boss would like my team and I to be more proficient on a system we've not yet been able to practice with. That's cool, I guess. I'm just not a big fan of driving in the great frozen north (yeah, I said it ya'll, anything north of Austin is the great frozen north, IMO). It'll be cool to meet my coworkers and get some good pointers from the gang (coding in a silo is somewhat impractical). My flight departing SA is at O-Dark-Thirty, of course. I seem incapable of finding a flight at any time which doesn't necessitate massive amounts of caffeine. Oh well. I sleep well on airliners.
Next up, :rose: asked me to be his notreallyabestmanbutnotjustamoronholdingonto ringsathisnot soveryformalweddingceremonyattheranchinmarch I'll have to find a way to shorten that. It was fun to type, once.
Anyway. He said something to the effect of "I'm probably going to wear jeans and a Guayabera," which means it "is" formal dress, for those of us of the pseudo-Spanish persuasion. He also said I could wear whatever I want... so... I'm gonna order this TShirt from a custom shop:
Front: "Always a groomsman, never a groom..."
Back: "THANK GOD!"
That would be too cruel, even for me. I think I'll just get a nice Guayabera, too. But I'll wear the TShirt to the rehearsal dinner!
Anyway... There's some other stuff I want to get on the blog today... but I've got my hands full. Maybe later.
SQL> Select * From Weddings Where LiteraryAlchemist <> Groom;
I have to go to Maryland next week, for business. My boss would like my team and I to be more proficient on a system we've not yet been able to practice with. That's cool, I guess. I'm just not a big fan of driving in the great frozen north (yeah, I said it ya'll, anything north of Austin is the great frozen north, IMO). It'll be cool to meet my coworkers and get some good pointers from the gang (coding in a silo is somewhat impractical). My flight departing SA is at O-Dark-Thirty, of course. I seem incapable of finding a flight at any time which doesn't necessitate massive amounts of caffeine. Oh well. I sleep well on airliners.
Next up, :rose: asked me to be his notreallyabestmanbutnotjustamoronholdingonto ringsathisnot soveryformalweddingceremonyattheranchinmarch I'll have to find a way to shorten that. It was fun to type, once.
Anyway. He said something to the effect of "I'm probably going to wear jeans and a Guayabera," which means it "is" formal dress, for those of us of the pseudo-Spanish persuasion. He also said I could wear whatever I want... so... I'm gonna order this TShirt from a custom shop:
Front: "Always a groomsman, never a groom..."
Back: "THANK GOD!"
That would be too cruel, even for me. I think I'll just get a nice Guayabera, too. But I'll wear the TShirt to the rehearsal dinner!
Anyway... There's some other stuff I want to get on the blog today... but I've got my hands full. Maybe later.
SQL> Select * From Weddings Where LiteraryAlchemist <> Groom;
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
When did my generation become the old people?
I'm sure you've heard it a lot, lately, too. It's bandied about on the airwaves and on television. You'll hear someone mention it in conversation from time to time. Often you'll mention it to someone talking about regular programming. I heard it twice on the radio this morning, during my very brief drive to work.
From the perspective of most people I know, between my age and fifty or so, it's something of a statement of contempt. A lingering frustration with a glorious new media that burned itself out in the first fifteen, or so, years it existed. In some ways it is a cry of desperation "What happened to my youth?!" or "What happened to this thing which used to be so, so anti-establishment?!"
I can't imagine how it sounds to today's younger generations. You know, the kids who grew up watching thirty to sixty minute shows. "Yeah, shut up old man," or "Dude, I'm sick of hearing all you old people talk about that."
Do they believe us? Can they possibly conceive of it? Or do they simply perceive us as the old fuddy-duddies whining about "...the good ole days..."? I bet they think that I walked to school every day. Up hill. Both ways. In four feet of snow. And that I used to have to fend off grizzly bears with my loose leaf notebook.
My revelation this morning, simply is this: we're really approaching the age in which a generation will absolutely not believe that MTV, in its youth, actually ran music videos. I can just picture some kid telling me "Prove it!"
That's just too weird for me.
In other news:
1. I ordered a belt two weeks ago and it has not yet arrived. This distresses me.2. Serenity still comes out this Friday.
3. I left my corporate card at home again, today, and I'm supposed to book travel arrangements to Maryland for 10/10 through 10/12.
4. I also left my badge at home (again) and had to go back for it.
5. I still left my corporate card at home after turning around to get my badge.
6. I keep forgetting to deal with my new lease paperwork. I have, oh, one day to do so.
7. How do we feel about the DOOM movie, fellow geeks? Frankly, I think The Rock is gonna turn into a zombie bad guy. That'll be all "Steven Seagall gets sucked out of the airplane cool". He is Sarge, afterall.
From the perspective of most people I know, between my age and fifty or so, it's something of a statement of contempt. A lingering frustration with a glorious new media that burned itself out in the first fifteen, or so, years it existed. In some ways it is a cry of desperation "What happened to my youth?!" or "What happened to this thing which used to be so, so anti-establishment?!"
I can't imagine how it sounds to today's younger generations. You know, the kids who grew up watching thirty to sixty minute shows. "Yeah, shut up old man," or "Dude, I'm sick of hearing all you old people talk about that."
Do they believe us? Can they possibly conceive of it? Or do they simply perceive us as the old fuddy-duddies whining about "...the good ole days..."? I bet they think that I walked to school every day. Up hill. Both ways. In four feet of snow. And that I used to have to fend off grizzly bears with my loose leaf notebook.
My revelation this morning, simply is this: we're really approaching the age in which a generation will absolutely not believe that MTV, in its youth, actually ran music videos. I can just picture some kid telling me "Prove it!"
That's just too weird for me.
In other news:
1. I ordered a belt two weeks ago and it has not yet arrived. This distresses me.2. Serenity still comes out this Friday.
3. I left my corporate card at home again, today, and I'm supposed to book travel arrangements to Maryland for 10/10 through 10/12.
4. I also left my badge at home (again) and had to go back for it.
5. I still left my corporate card at home after turning around to get my badge.
6. I keep forgetting to deal with my new lease paperwork. I have, oh, one day to do so.
7. How do we feel about the DOOM movie, fellow geeks? Frankly, I think The Rock is gonna turn into a zombie bad guy. That'll be all "Steven Seagall gets sucked out of the airplane cool". He is Sarge, afterall.
Monday, September 26, 2005
I hereby declare: GEEK WEEK!
Yes, that's right, fine readers. Tis geek week. No more shall geek week be recognized in the last ten days of May. George Lucas has fallen from his pillar of geeky righteousness and Joss Whedon has stepped forward to claim the throne. Yes. It is true. Serenity shall open in wide release this Friday and the world shall be right.
Thus, order your homage to the great master. Don it for your Serenity party on Friday night. And scoff at the one who once was.
I'm freakin' excited, man.
SQL> Select * From tblGeekMovies Where GeekCool <> 'Suck Like Crapisodes I-III';
In other news, we went to the Dodging Duck, yesterday. Alas, the beers currently on tap were something of a disappointment. Entirely too sweet on the front end for my tastes and they all tasted nearly identical. I'd like to venture out there again, however, in cooler times to sit on the patio and perhaps try a different brew. They do deserve that much effort.
Finally, I'm really digging on listening to the MechWarrior II soundtracks this morning. It's freakin' great. I loved this music. I'm awed, a bit, how much some of it sounds like Rainbow 6 and Ghost Recon. I'll need to see if the same composer worked on all the projects.
Thus, order your homage to the great master. Don it for your Serenity party on Friday night. And scoff at the one who once was.
I'm freakin' excited, man.
SQL> Select * From tblGeekMovies Where GeekCool <> 'Suck Like Crapisodes I-III';
In other news, we went to the Dodging Duck, yesterday. Alas, the beers currently on tap were something of a disappointment. Entirely too sweet on the front end for my tastes and they all tasted nearly identical. I'd like to venture out there again, however, in cooler times to sit on the patio and perhaps try a different brew. They do deserve that much effort.
Finally, I'm really digging on listening to the MechWarrior II soundtracks this morning. It's freakin' great. I loved this music. I'm awed, a bit, how much some of it sounds like Rainbow 6 and Ghost Recon. I'll need to see if the same composer worked on all the projects.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Another Update from the Lit is a Geek Department
I just spent an hour downloading the MechWarrior II soundtrack, in its entirety, in MP3 format. I so can't wait to play it at work!
Get it here
Get it here
Friday, September 23, 2005
HEY! Another update!
I'm blogging this...
Am I abusing my blog, yet? hee hee
STOP! FOAMY TIME! I haven't checked out the new Foamies yet. I'm told I need to do so. I'm doing so, now.
Am I abusing my blog, yet? hee hee
STOP! FOAMY TIME! I haven't checked out the new Foamies yet. I'm told I need to do so. I'm doing so, now.
Beer induced venom...
1. With regard to my earlier post about that media outlet I hate. Let it be known, officially, henceforth, forever and eternity:
3. Why is it: whenever I go to the convenience store, there's some dimwit in front of me trying to open a trust fund via lotto tickets?
5. Brigade Quartermasters charges too freakin' much money for shipping and they take entirely too long to deliver products. This really chaps my ass considering they're the only means by which I can purchase an Under Armour tactical stretch fit cap. At least, for the time being.
6. Thanks to :rose: this has put my "spewing" into persepctive. See how I snuck that in? Isn't it great?
SQL> Select * From tblStuffToPickon Where Mood = 'Stabby';
I shall not, at any time, for any reason, link, redirect, or suggest that you visit that site.Also, for the record, let it be known that I feel thus:
May the fleas of a thousand rabid camels infest the crotch of your Victoria's Secret thong for a thousand years, mister media outlet I detest with all my soul!2. Alien Resurrection is on. I'm sending instant messages to :rose: as I type this. He pointed that movie out to me...
:rose: : one of the alien movies is on TBSThat was mean. I suppose. Maybe. But, oh well. It's still frackin' funny. I'm not sure I'm comfortable cussing on someone else's webspace. Yet. Let's see how I feel in five more beers...
literaryalchemist: It's the BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD one.
:rose: : I never saw it
literaryalchemist: Oh god.
literaryalchemist: Watch it and commit suicide.
literaryalchemist: Then I won't have to go to your wedding.
3. Why is it: whenever I go to the convenience store, there's some dimwit in front of me trying to open a trust fund via lotto tickets?
- This is no longer convenient
- Lotto is not a retirement plan
- No matter what the marketers say
- All I want is my goddamned beer
5. Brigade Quartermasters charges too freakin' much money for shipping and they take entirely too long to deliver products. This really chaps my ass considering they're the only means by which I can purchase an Under Armour tactical stretch fit cap. At least, for the time being.
6. Thanks to :rose: this has put my "spewing" into persepctive. See how I snuck that in? Isn't it great?
SQL> Select * From tblStuffToPickon Where Mood = 'Stabby';
...stay tuned, next, for a Sci Fi Friday special message...
Man, I just freakin' knew it! I freakin' hate cliffhangers. Immensely. The last time I felt like this after a cliffhanger was in 2002... for... yeah... you guessed it... Firefly. At least in this case, I know when the cliffhanger ends. Noteably, this is the first time "the next season" of a show has been announced right after the cliffhanger episode, that's right "New episodes of Sci Fi Friday will air in January, 2006". Ok. That's only three months away. It's not so bad. I kinda dig the cycle and at least I don't feel betrayed for months on end waiting to see what happens next. And, hey, if the cycle repeats as it did this year, perhaps next summer's Sci Fi Friday will host another premier show at Comic Con. That'll be cool, right? Right?! Yeah. After I have to wait three months to see how the situation with that wacko bitch Caine gets resolved.
Is it me, or is this a little too much like Star Trek: The Next Generation, in which every Admiral who ever appeared was a psycho hosebeast bent on wanton destruction?
Oh. By the way. The last time this really sucked so much, Firefly got cancelled without so much as a notification to the fans. Thanks, Fox, you can kiss my ass, too. Sci Fi rules, you drool. They've at least reassured me for three more months. NYAH!
:rose: just pointed out my first comment... I need a beer... in fact... I need a six pack... goddammit... I'm getting drunk tonight!
SQL> Select Impatience From tblNewEpisodes Where WaitTime = 220;
Is it me, or is this a little too much like Star Trek: The Next Generation, in which every Admiral who ever appeared was a psycho hosebeast bent on wanton destruction?
Oh. By the way. The last time this really sucked so much, Firefly got cancelled without so much as a notification to the fans. Thanks, Fox, you can kiss my ass, too. Sci Fi rules, you drool. They've at least reassured me for three more months. NYAH!
:rose: just pointed out my first comment... I need a beer... in fact... I need a six pack... goddammit... I'm getting drunk tonight!
SQL> Select Impatience From tblNewEpisodes Where WaitTime = 220;
Add to the list of bad ideas...
The Sandlot 2
What the HELL is this? This straight to video debacle, nay horror, is currently airing on ABC Family or some such nonsense (they should have their FAA license revoked). How do you make a sequel to the 1993 classic? Apparently, it's easier than I would have expected. I guess you dupe some dumbass producer and distributer in Hollywood with your "original" script. This piece of crap is simply a retelling of the original story. Only, it's set in 1972; the dog is referred to as "The Great Fear", and the story of his background is no where near as plausible or terrifying (the new fence is "plaid"); and the new "baseball" is a girl's father's mockup of the Space Shuttle. Only, it's 1972 and the freakin' external fuel tank appears orange in color. Which wasn't the case until the third shuttle mission when NASA discovered it was cheaper and lighter not to paint the tank's foam. This allowed the orange color, to which we're now accustomed, to remain visible.
The ultimate sin, though, is the fact that I can now hear James Earl Jones on the movie. Ugh. Joss Whedon is my master now. Joss Whedon is my master now. Joss Whedon is my master now.
HOLY CRAP! IT EVEN ENDS THE SAME WAY! "Over the years I stayed in touch with the gang and I learned that so and so did such and such and who'sy whatsits became a this and that."
GRRRRRRR... show some creativity, Hollywood!
One last bit of venom spewing. I hate "ain't it cool news". I always have. I always will. And no matter how much I like Firefly and look forward to Serenity, I absolutely will not endure that tub of lard, just to see the movie early, alongside cast members. bleh
What the HELL is this? This straight to video debacle, nay horror, is currently airing on ABC Family or some such nonsense (they should have their FAA license revoked). How do you make a sequel to the 1993 classic? Apparently, it's easier than I would have expected. I guess you dupe some dumbass producer and distributer in Hollywood with your "original" script. This piece of crap is simply a retelling of the original story. Only, it's set in 1972; the dog is referred to as "The Great Fear", and the story of his background is no where near as plausible or terrifying (the new fence is "plaid"); and the new "baseball" is a girl's father's mockup of the Space Shuttle. Only, it's 1972 and the freakin' external fuel tank appears orange in color. Which wasn't the case until the third shuttle mission when NASA discovered it was cheaper and lighter not to paint the tank's foam. This allowed the orange color, to which we're now accustomed, to remain visible.
The ultimate sin, though, is the fact that I can now hear James Earl Jones on the movie. Ugh. Joss Whedon is my master now. Joss Whedon is my master now. Joss Whedon is my master now.
HOLY CRAP! IT EVEN ENDS THE SAME WAY! "Over the years I stayed in touch with the gang and I learned that so and so did such and such and who'sy whatsits became a this and that."
GRRRRRRR... show some creativity, Hollywood!
One last bit of venom spewing. I hate "ain't it cool news". I always have. I always will. And no matter how much I like Firefly and look forward to Serenity, I absolutely will not endure that tub of lard, just to see the movie early, alongside cast members. bleh
It's Friday...
And that means GREEK BUFFET! I don't know why this still excites me so much, four months after we discovered it. I guess I just dig a buffet in a kinda down home place. Especially one that serves pita bread in mass quantities.
Oh, and we're going to "Dodging Ducks" (if I find their website, I'll link it, but so far, I don't think they have one) on Sunday. It's a microbrewery in Boerne. My mother recently discovered it while meeting with a client. Sounds kinda cool. The prospect of a pubbish setting in the countryside appeals to me. I still seek, though, a "Green Dragon". Where I can eat fresh bread, cheese and beer. Much crockery must be involved. No one serves flagons of beer in crockery anymore. Which, alas, is very distressing to me.
I've a screening call at 1100 this morning. I'm thirty years old, now, and this still gives me the heebie jeebies. It freaks me out. But, thinking about it in excrutiating detail has given me an excuse to desperately cling to my youth. If, at thirty, I still freak out like I'm twenty, then I must still be young at heart. Right? Well, that's what I'm telling myself, anyway.
New on my list of cool things to observe every week...
"My name is Earl"
"Everybody Hates Chris"
Jason Lee seems very capable of "Earl". There's something believeable about him with that really screwed up hair, unshaven face, El Camino and, well, slower than molasses brother. The premise is, at least, refreshing and somewhat positive, given all the trend toward rehashing the same show over and over and over again (I like CSI, but, how many versions of it do we really need?).
I'm pretty sure this show was on NBC. But, I could be wrong. I don't pay attention to which network broadcasts which show. Hopefully, I'm correct. And hopefully that's the same network which airs "Scrubs". And, hopefully, they'll pair "Scrubs" up with "Earl". Because...
Alas, as "Earl" leaves the air, the abomination that is "The Office" is foisted upon the unobservant. How did this show manage to complete its first season?! Someone has seen fit to bring it back? Just because Mister Forty Year Old Virgin Man had a successful, albeit probably predictably unentertaining, movie this summer? Wake up, folks, this show sucks on an order of magnitude that can only be measured using scientific notation! It's not funny. It's insulting. The comic timing is dreadful. The setting lacks character (half of this week's episode was set in a Chili's, thank you for that product placement). And with the exception of the receptionist and the dude that has a crush on her, none of the cast or characters are appealing. These two characters manage to suffer through the show delivering the one (that's UNO, EIN, SINGLE, SOLITARY, ALONE, THERE ARE NO MORE) entertaining and/or humorous moment the writers managed to fart into each script.
Thank you, but no thanks. This show needs to be put out of my misery. Now. Before it airs again. Dilbert is funny. The BBC's "The Office" is terrific. But, just like that "Friends meets the highly successful UK version of itself and is translated (poorly) back into American", this show needed to die after the first episode was rammed down our throats!
Oh, and, for the record, "Friends" sucked on an order of magnitude only slightly lower than "The Office". I cringe in a way I cannot describe, every time I think of that retard who found a way to get himself cast in "Band of Brothers". Sir, you a horrible, whiny, turd of a performer. Please find some lackwit off-Broadway show to shackle yourself to, so I no longer have to endure your "performances".
Now that I've spewed venom for a few moments...
"Everybody Hates Chris" was just freakin' hilarious. I kept wanting to call my friends to remind them to watch, but just as I'd reach for the phone, it got too funny to dial.
This dude playing young master Rock's father is freakin' great. His delivery is perfect (though a little over used once or twice in the pilot) and there's something squirrely about his face. Honestly, is his eye naturally screwed up, or has he found a way to simply twist it out of place like that to make the character seem more ominous?!
I also found the woman playing his mother to be the perfect counter to him. There was something very charming about the way she was very stern with young Chris, yet still a mom who cared very much for her children. Likewise, the role reversal between the parents was terrific. It felt very much like home, to me.
In an era where everyone is making excuses for their behavior, blaming their upbringing, it's refreshing to see a comic as harsh as Chris Rock admit that he really had a great childhood.
On tap for films, right now...
This week: "A History of Violence". I admire Ed Harris and Viggo Mortensen. The story seems intriguing, has gotten good reviews. I'm intrigued by the character Harris has taken on. Gonna try to catch it tonight or tomorrow.
Next week, of course: "Serenity". Thank god Joss Whedon found a way to bring Firefly back to us. "Joss Whedon is my master, now"!!! George Lucas, behold your undoing!
Ok. Geek time.
Battlestar Galactica's second season ends tonight. The producer and writer told us, at Comic Con, that the Pegasus and Commander Caine would appear this season. Unfortunately, they're doing so right at the end of the season. Much cliffhanger action is predicted. I certainly hope I don't have to wait until NEXT JUNE for the conclusion of this story line.
hmmm
SQL> Select * From tblTVGuide Where WhinyActor = False And Humor = 'Intelligent';
Oh, and we're going to "Dodging Ducks" (if I find their website, I'll link it, but so far, I don't think they have one) on Sunday. It's a microbrewery in Boerne. My mother recently discovered it while meeting with a client. Sounds kinda cool. The prospect of a pubbish setting in the countryside appeals to me. I still seek, though, a "Green Dragon". Where I can eat fresh bread, cheese and beer. Much crockery must be involved. No one serves flagons of beer in crockery anymore. Which, alas, is very distressing to me.
I've a screening call at 1100 this morning. I'm thirty years old, now, and this still gives me the heebie jeebies. It freaks me out. But, thinking about it in excrutiating detail has given me an excuse to desperately cling to my youth. If, at thirty, I still freak out like I'm twenty, then I must still be young at heart. Right? Well, that's what I'm telling myself, anyway.
New on my list of cool things to observe every week...
"My name is Earl"
"Everybody Hates Chris"
Jason Lee seems very capable of "Earl". There's something believeable about him with that really screwed up hair, unshaven face, El Camino and, well, slower than molasses brother. The premise is, at least, refreshing and somewhat positive, given all the trend toward rehashing the same show over and over and over again (I like CSI, but, how many versions of it do we really need?).
I'm pretty sure this show was on NBC. But, I could be wrong. I don't pay attention to which network broadcasts which show. Hopefully, I'm correct. And hopefully that's the same network which airs "Scrubs". And, hopefully, they'll pair "Scrubs" up with "Earl". Because...
Alas, as "Earl" leaves the air, the abomination that is "The Office" is foisted upon the unobservant. How did this show manage to complete its first season?! Someone has seen fit to bring it back? Just because Mister Forty Year Old Virgin Man had a successful, albeit probably predictably unentertaining, movie this summer? Wake up, folks, this show sucks on an order of magnitude that can only be measured using scientific notation! It's not funny. It's insulting. The comic timing is dreadful. The setting lacks character (half of this week's episode was set in a Chili's, thank you for that product placement). And with the exception of the receptionist and the dude that has a crush on her, none of the cast or characters are appealing. These two characters manage to suffer through the show delivering the one (that's UNO, EIN, SINGLE, SOLITARY, ALONE, THERE ARE NO MORE) entertaining and/or humorous moment the writers managed to fart into each script.
Thank you, but no thanks. This show needs to be put out of my misery. Now. Before it airs again. Dilbert is funny. The BBC's "The Office" is terrific. But, just like that "Friends meets the highly successful UK version of itself and is translated (poorly) back into American", this show needed to die after the first episode was rammed down our throats!
Oh, and, for the record, "Friends" sucked on an order of magnitude only slightly lower than "The Office". I cringe in a way I cannot describe, every time I think of that retard who found a way to get himself cast in "Band of Brothers". Sir, you a horrible, whiny, turd of a performer. Please find some lackwit off-Broadway show to shackle yourself to, so I no longer have to endure your "performances".
Now that I've spewed venom for a few moments...
"Everybody Hates Chris" was just freakin' hilarious. I kept wanting to call my friends to remind them to watch, but just as I'd reach for the phone, it got too funny to dial.
This dude playing young master Rock's father is freakin' great. His delivery is perfect (though a little over used once or twice in the pilot) and there's something squirrely about his face. Honestly, is his eye naturally screwed up, or has he found a way to simply twist it out of place like that to make the character seem more ominous?!
I also found the woman playing his mother to be the perfect counter to him. There was something very charming about the way she was very stern with young Chris, yet still a mom who cared very much for her children. Likewise, the role reversal between the parents was terrific. It felt very much like home, to me.
In an era where everyone is making excuses for their behavior, blaming their upbringing, it's refreshing to see a comic as harsh as Chris Rock admit that he really had a great childhood.
On tap for films, right now...
This week: "A History of Violence". I admire Ed Harris and Viggo Mortensen. The story seems intriguing, has gotten good reviews. I'm intrigued by the character Harris has taken on. Gonna try to catch it tonight or tomorrow.
Next week, of course: "Serenity". Thank god Joss Whedon found a way to bring Firefly back to us. "Joss Whedon is my master, now"!!! George Lucas, behold your undoing!
Ok. Geek time.
Battlestar Galactica's second season ends tonight. The producer and writer told us, at Comic Con, that the Pegasus and Commander Caine would appear this season. Unfortunately, they're doing so right at the end of the season. Much cliffhanger action is predicted. I certainly hope I don't have to wait until NEXT JUNE for the conclusion of this story line.
hmmm
SQL> Select * From tblTVGuide Where WhinyActor = False And Humor = 'Intelligent';
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Further proof of my geekiness...
In case you needed further evidence. The JLoD is the brainchild of a good friend of mine.
This actually has nothing to do with my earlier post. Just an interesting coincidence.
This actually has nothing to do with my earlier post. Just an interesting coincidence.
Passing of a man... But not history.
Simon Wiesenthal has passed. Was he a great man? Perhaps. I'm not sure. All I know is that he is someone I've long respected for his objectivity, perseverance and dignity.
Perhaps I'll write more of him later. For now, rest knowing that you have achieved your peace and that none shall forget, Simon Wiesenthal.
Perhaps I'll write more of him later. For now, rest knowing that you have achieved your peace and that none shall forget, Simon Wiesenthal.
Monday, September 19, 2005
Yes, I'm a geek.
I own the tshirt. If that's not proof enough, my desire to share this with my few readers should further establish my role in the socio-economic, uh, something.
This part is just for :rose: -- Pirates are better than ninja. Just accept it.
SQL> Select * From tblLegendaryCharacter Where Coolness > 1;
This part is just for :rose: -- Pirates are better than ninja. Just accept it.
SQL> Select * From tblLegendaryCharacter Where Coolness > 1;
Who's Rules To Play By...
I just finished reading a piece over on MSNBC.com, regarding how Mississippi officials have responded to securing their homes after Hurricane Katrina. They aren't complaining. They aren't whining for help. They're doing. Making decisions and standing by them.
In Gulfport, Mayor Brent Warr asked his police chief if someone confined in their jail could hotwire a fuel truck to resupply afflicted rescue vehicles and emergency generators. He identified a problem, considered the solutions and acted on them. Most importantly, he doesn't seem ashamed or afraid to own up to his actions and decisions.
This is accountability.
Should Mayor Warr be indicted and tried for theft? Technically, yes. He broke the law. However, given the circumstances and the fact that the fuel truck and load he procured is destined to be written off as a storm loss by the owner, why bother?
But when Lott asked a Harrison County sheriff how they were faring, the sheriff reported that he was worried about FEMA diverting supplies.
Lott told him, "If anyone from FEMA tries to confiscate anything, arrest them."
Why wasn't this going on in more places? What entitles FEMA to confiscate or divert anything arriving by private means? Should FEMAs representatives who confiscated and diverted private relief efforts be indicted and tried for obstruction of... what... community relief?
Perhaps?
I don't know. It seems to me they were doing as they were taught and as they were told. But they failed to apply the common sense necessary to save lives. Do we create a legal precedent for common sense because of Katrina? One disaster after another?
What happens if we start removing more government entities and start putting them in the hands of corporations? How long before things get out of control and rather than FEMA restricting supplies, capitalism does so?
The Rutans have proved that NASA's bureaucracy and inefficient budgets aren't necessary for human space travel. Are the individuals on the ground, in affected communities, more suited to plan, coordinate and sustain relief efforts than government entities?
... more to come ...
In Gulfport, Mayor Brent Warr asked his police chief if someone confined in their jail could hotwire a fuel truck to resupply afflicted rescue vehicles and emergency generators. He identified a problem, considered the solutions and acted on them. Most importantly, he doesn't seem ashamed or afraid to own up to his actions and decisions.
This is accountability.
Should Mayor Warr be indicted and tried for theft? Technically, yes. He broke the law. However, given the circumstances and the fact that the fuel truck and load he procured is destined to be written off as a storm loss by the owner, why bother?
But when Lott asked a Harrison County sheriff how they were faring, the sheriff reported that he was worried about FEMA diverting supplies.
Lott told him, "If anyone from FEMA tries to confiscate anything, arrest them."
Why wasn't this going on in more places? What entitles FEMA to confiscate or divert anything arriving by private means? Should FEMAs representatives who confiscated and diverted private relief efforts be indicted and tried for obstruction of... what... community relief?
Perhaps?
I don't know. It seems to me they were doing as they were taught and as they were told. But they failed to apply the common sense necessary to save lives. Do we create a legal precedent for common sense because of Katrina? One disaster after another?
What happens if we start removing more government entities and start putting them in the hands of corporations? How long before things get out of control and rather than FEMA restricting supplies, capitalism does so?
The Rutans have proved that NASA's bureaucracy and inefficient budgets aren't necessary for human space travel. Are the individuals on the ground, in affected communities, more suited to plan, coordinate and sustain relief efforts than government entities?
... more to come ...
Monday, September 12, 2005
I just don't get it...
Everyone in a position of authority is arguing, while private citizens do whatever they can to help out. Are they just extremely uninformed? Or are they afraid? What's the big freakin' deal?! If a fox breaks into your henhouse and eats all your chickens, do you stand there spluttering about it, or do you find a way to fix the problem?!
You could put a better door on the henhouse.
You could hunt down and kill the fox.
You could build a dog run around the henhouse and put rotweilers in it.
These are, afterall, only a few options. Option one requires some thought and planning. Option two doesn't, it's simple and reactive and doesn't cure the problem. I'm sure Mr. and Mrs. Fox have been getting along swell, if you know what I mean. And Option 3 requires more money than is necessary to get to the bottom of the problem. Not to mention time.
I don't know. Maybe I think it's too simple. But it seems to me like the "politicians" have made everything entirely too complex and are far too concerned with advancing their own career-based agendas.
SQL> Select * From tbl_Solutions Where Implementation = 'Now';
You could put a better door on the henhouse.
You could hunt down and kill the fox.
You could build a dog run around the henhouse and put rotweilers in it.
These are, afterall, only a few options. Option one requires some thought and planning. Option two doesn't, it's simple and reactive and doesn't cure the problem. I'm sure Mr. and Mrs. Fox have been getting along swell, if you know what I mean. And Option 3 requires more money than is necessary to get to the bottom of the problem. Not to mention time.
I don't know. Maybe I think it's too simple. But it seems to me like the "politicians" have made everything entirely too complex and are far too concerned with advancing their own career-based agendas.
SQL> Select * From tbl_Solutions Where Implementation = 'Now';
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
Employment for Evacuees
It seems my quirky home is doing every little thing it can to help its displaced neighbors. In news on WOAI-TV, today, numerous employers have expressed an interest in helping evacuees seek employment.
Good luck to both the employers and the employees in this endeavor! Hopefully plenty of both will find each other and encourage many of the evacuees when things seem so bleak.
SQL> Select Jobs From GoodNeighbors Where Morale > 1;
Good luck to both the employers and the employees in this endeavor! Hopefully plenty of both will find each other and encourage many of the evacuees when things seem so bleak.
SQL> Select Jobs From GoodNeighbors Where Morale > 1;
I Owe You?
Kuwait and Qatar... hmmm... this is what it means to be a friend and an ally. Thanks guys!
Foreign donations to Hurricane Katrina relief efforts:
Kuwaiti government pledges $500mm
Qatar offers $100mm
It's amazing what these donations amount to on a national per capita basis for each country, roughly $500 per citizen of each country. It is my humble opinion that such generosity surpasses mere friendship.
SQL> Select dblContribution From tblNeighbors Where booAppreciation = True;
Foreign donations to Hurricane Katrina relief efforts:
Kuwaiti government pledges $500mm
Qatar offers $100mm
It's amazing what these donations amount to on a national per capita basis for each country, roughly $500 per citizen of each country. It is my humble opinion that such generosity surpasses mere friendship.
SQL> Select dblContribution From tblNeighbors Where booAppreciation = True;
Friday, September 02, 2005
This is how politicians should speak.
Let me channel Denis Leary for a moment...
There's a guy, maybe you've heard of him, there's this guy, who wants his peers to do something. And he doesn't give a "doggone" what the consequences are to his career.
I think we should take a page or two from his book and wake this country up:
Mayor to Feds: "Get off your asses..."
Mayor Nagin, you tell those sons of bitches that aren't helping you whatever you need to tell them and damn what they think of you. There are better people in this country who think you're saying the right thing.
SQL> Select strCandidateName From tblPresidents Where PersonalPolitics <> 'Important' And PublicService = 'Priority';
There's a guy, maybe you've heard of him, there's this guy, who wants his peers to do something. And he doesn't give a "doggone" what the consequences are to his career.
I think we should take a page or two from his book and wake this country up:
NAGIN: Well, did the tsunami victims request? Did it go through a formal process to request?
You know, did the Iraqi people request that we go in there? Did they ask us to go in there? What is more important?
And I'll tell you, man, I'm probably going get in a whole bunch of trouble. I'm probably going to get in so much trouble it ain't even funny. You probably won't even want to deal with me after this interview is over.
Mayor to Feds: "Get off your asses..."
Mayor Nagin, you tell those sons of bitches that aren't helping you whatever you need to tell them and damn what they think of you. There are better people in this country who think you're saying the right thing.
SQL> Select strCandidateName From tblPresidents Where PersonalPolitics <> 'Important' And PublicService = 'Priority';
I never did like the flood...
I'm a Halo: Combat Evolved and Halo 2 fan. Tried and true, 100%, through and through. The game's developer has long been a great supporter of its community and I'm not really surprised at all to see how they're committed to helping their neighbors in Louisiana.
I found this information, first, on HBO:
"Fight the Flood" news entry
The shirt itself is available at Bungie's store:
Kick Some Flood Bootie!
Anyone interested in the shirt or other Bungie merchandise should be sure to read the additional details Bungie has committed to:
EVERYTHING!
Thanks for extending a helping hand, guys!
SQL> Select RenderAid Where WhateverPossible >= 1;
I found this information, first, on HBO:
"Fight the Flood" news entry
The shirt itself is available at Bungie's store:
Kick Some Flood Bootie!
Anyone interested in the shirt or other Bungie merchandise should be sure to read the additional details Bungie has committed to:
EVERYTHING!
Thanks for extending a helping hand, guys!
SQL> Select RenderAid Where WhateverPossible >= 1;
Disaster Relief
It's a relief that a very good friend of mine is in town from Biloxi (stationed at Keesler AFB, the site's probably currently offline). It's a relief that he and his wife are alive and well. It's not a relief that I actually know someone who literally survived with the clothes on his back. We don't know if they have a home any longer. We just know that they can make a new home, when the time comes.
His brother is enroute to serve JAG duties in N.O.
There's word that the second 25,000 refugees from New Orleans will be coming here, to San Antonio. Likewise, there's word that some may be going as far as Dallas. I hope we're able to take good care of them.
Riddle me this...
What kind of moron spends time looting in this situation? You're wading through water that can kill you for, what, some free beer? A television? That's a good choice.
Why were we better equipped to support tsunami victims than our own neighbors?
If you can help, please help. If you need help seek help.
Keesler Air Force Base
The Interdictor (Survivor's Blog)
His brother is enroute to serve JAG duties in N.O.
There's word that the second 25,000 refugees from New Orleans will be coming here, to San Antonio. Likewise, there's word that some may be going as far as Dallas. I hope we're able to take good care of them.
Riddle me this...
What kind of moron spends time looting in this situation? You're wading through water that can kill you for, what, some free beer? A television? That's a good choice.
Why were we better equipped to support tsunami victims than our own neighbors?
If you can help, please help. If you need help seek help.
Keesler Air Force Base
The Interdictor (Survivor's Blog)
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Morning Observations...
While making my way to ye ole' cubicle this morning I observed:
1. Old Man McFogieguy come to a complete stop in the middle of the road to answer his cell phone. Options... answer the phone while driving (ugh), stop in the middle of the road (are you kidding me?), pull to one side of the road and turn on your hazards.
2. Miss America in her dad's F150 making rotations for 75 MPH, while applying makeup. Apparently the hour devoted to this endeavor, at home, was insufficient... I'll let you interpret that as you wish.
3. Eight people in line at the office ATM. Hmmm... I guess we got paid last night. Why is there always one individual in front of me trying to open a trust fund at these things? Furthermore, why is there a sign on it reading "This ATM is equipped with audio assistance devices for the visually impaired"? That sign isn't in braille... this ranks right up there with braille on drive through ATMs.
4. The crew in our lovely halfateria was joyously playing M.C. Hammer's "Can't Touch This". Scary, man, scary.
5. Today's headline "OUR TSUNAMI!" (warning, PDF file). Pretty much. I wonder if any of the high and mighty countries around the world will render aid... or if we get to go this natural disaster alone.
6. Many advertisements announcing that the bloodsuckers will be at my office next Wednesday, Thursday (I think I'll give blood on the ole birthday) and Friday. Likewise, they're collaborating with 99.5 KISS FM, tomorrow for the annual "Kiss Rock and Roll Up Your Sleeve Blooddrive". If you're in the San Antonio area, you should look into it. The bloodsuckers make me pound my head against my desk when their number appears on the phone, but it is probably one of the best charitable donations one can make without spending a cent.
SQL> Select * From tblReallyBadMusic Where HasBeen = True;
1. Old Man McFogieguy come to a complete stop in the middle of the road to answer his cell phone. Options... answer the phone while driving (ugh), stop in the middle of the road (are you kidding me?), pull to one side of the road and turn on your hazards.
2. Miss America in her dad's F150 making rotations for 75 MPH, while applying makeup. Apparently the hour devoted to this endeavor, at home, was insufficient... I'll let you interpret that as you wish.
3. Eight people in line at the office ATM. Hmmm... I guess we got paid last night. Why is there always one individual in front of me trying to open a trust fund at these things? Furthermore, why is there a sign on it reading "This ATM is equipped with audio assistance devices for the visually impaired"? That sign isn't in braille... this ranks right up there with braille on drive through ATMs.
4. The crew in our lovely halfateria was joyously playing M.C. Hammer's "Can't Touch This". Scary, man, scary.
5. Today's headline "OUR TSUNAMI!" (warning, PDF file). Pretty much. I wonder if any of the high and mighty countries around the world will render aid... or if we get to go this natural disaster alone.
6. Many advertisements announcing that the bloodsuckers will be at my office next Wednesday, Thursday (I think I'll give blood on the ole birthday) and Friday. Likewise, they're collaborating with 99.5 KISS FM, tomorrow for the annual "Kiss Rock and Roll Up Your Sleeve Blooddrive". If you're in the San Antonio area, you should look into it. The bloodsuckers make me pound my head against my desk when their number appears on the phone, but it is probably one of the best charitable donations one can make without spending a cent.
SQL> Select * From tblReallyBadMusic Where HasBeen = True;
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
...rescue me...
Denis Leary's show is on tonight. I'm a big fan, his... hmmm... anger... speaks to me. The show is more fun this season, as more and more of my friends have gotten hooked on it.
BUT, that's not what I'm really here for, this time around. Actually, I'd like to be rescued from the South Texas Blood and Tissue Center. A few months ago, I volunteered to donate platelets. You know, those things that make your blood clot, so you won't die a slow, painful death when you chop the tip of your thumb off making stir fry - yeah, I speak from experience ... and frequently ponder why no one will enjoy my delicious Asian offerings ... maybe it was the delightfully detailed story I shared with everyone of my experience and modern medicine's methods for cauterization, but, I digress. Right. Platelets.
My first donation went splendidly, if slightly uncomfortably (big needle, two hours, blood out, blood in... ok, I'll stop). It was kinda fun and watching a movie without any disturbances was swell. Alas, my next two attempts were not so cool.
During my second visit to the center, El Phlebotomist Muerte (I don't care if that's proper Spanish, I think it's funny) rammed the uber-needle into my spongy flesh (laughter here) and didn't notice it for, oh, sixty minutes! What did I get for my trouble? A fun purple puddle of blood under the skin ... in the medical profession they call this a "bruise". Me, I call it freakin' painful. Ever tried to drive a manual transmission with a bruise on your inner elbow?
After many an apology, I was given a bag full of cold and heat packs to "apply to the bruise to prevent swelling and discomfort". Hmmm... too late, pal.
Drive, stick, repeat for attempt number three.
Amid these trials and tribulations the blood and tissue center called me with unnerving frequency. A customer service representative (in the 'bidness', we call them CSR's, I shall do so here as well) kept inquiring when I'd be available again to donate. I inquired about creating a regular schedule for donations, hoping the calls would cease. Alas, the bloodsuckers (see how I worked that in? been waiting all day to do that) were relentless. I missed two appointments, one due to a late arrival at the airport, the other due to medications I'd taken. Now, they call me four times to remind me of each appointment.
Satisfied with my successful donation, last night, I ventured into work today with a clear head. Satisified that I'd done a good thing for the community at large.
But, lo, what is this? A voicemail from the bloodsuckers today, wanting to know when I'll be available again. Isn't that what the scheduled sessions were for? Jeez, for an organization that thrives on the charitable contributions of our time and body, they sure know how to discourage people.
Don't you worry, though, I'll keep donating. I shall endeavor, however, to encourage the bloodsuckers to be more forgiving of my schedule...
SQL> Select DonorName From tblBotchedDonations Where Satisfaction = 'All I got was this lousy compress";
BUT, that's not what I'm really here for, this time around. Actually, I'd like to be rescued from the South Texas Blood and Tissue Center. A few months ago, I volunteered to donate platelets. You know, those things that make your blood clot, so you won't die a slow, painful death when you chop the tip of your thumb off making stir fry - yeah, I speak from experience ... and frequently ponder why no one will enjoy my delicious Asian offerings ... maybe it was the delightfully detailed story I shared with everyone of my experience and modern medicine's methods for cauterization, but, I digress. Right. Platelets.
My first donation went splendidly, if slightly uncomfortably (big needle, two hours, blood out, blood in... ok, I'll stop). It was kinda fun and watching a movie without any disturbances was swell. Alas, my next two attempts were not so cool.
During my second visit to the center, El Phlebotomist Muerte (I don't care if that's proper Spanish, I think it's funny) rammed the uber-needle into my spongy flesh (laughter here) and didn't notice it for, oh, sixty minutes! What did I get for my trouble? A fun purple puddle of blood under the skin ... in the medical profession they call this a "bruise". Me, I call it freakin' painful. Ever tried to drive a manual transmission with a bruise on your inner elbow?
After many an apology, I was given a bag full of cold and heat packs to "apply to the bruise to prevent swelling and discomfort". Hmmm... too late, pal.
Drive, stick, repeat for attempt number three.
Amid these trials and tribulations the blood and tissue center called me with unnerving frequency. A customer service representative (in the 'bidness', we call them CSR's, I shall do so here as well) kept inquiring when I'd be available again to donate. I inquired about creating a regular schedule for donations, hoping the calls would cease. Alas, the bloodsuckers (see how I worked that in? been waiting all day to do that) were relentless. I missed two appointments, one due to a late arrival at the airport, the other due to medications I'd taken. Now, they call me four times to remind me of each appointment.
Satisfied with my successful donation, last night, I ventured into work today with a clear head. Satisified that I'd done a good thing for the community at large.
But, lo, what is this? A voicemail from the bloodsuckers today, wanting to know when I'll be available again. Isn't that what the scheduled sessions were for? Jeez, for an organization that thrives on the charitable contributions of our time and body, they sure know how to discourage people.
Don't you worry, though, I'll keep donating. I shall endeavor, however, to encourage the bloodsuckers to be more forgiving of my schedule...
SQL> Select DonorName From tblBotchedDonations Where Satisfaction = 'All I got was this lousy compress";
Thar Be Monsters...
:rose: Suggested "Thar Be Monsters..." as my blog title. I didn't like it much, but it seemed cool for my first entry. He (yes, :rose: is a dude) is getting married in March. Wonderful girl, but I think he's nuts. Of course, I have several pizza boxes stacked up in the kitchen. What do I know of relationships?
[RandomActOfCoincidence]
Funny, I just set this thing up and my buddy's asking me what it takes to set up a blog. What brought that up?
[SLASHRandomActOfCoincidence]
I've been reading BlondeChampagne's (I promise I'll relink her later when my brain isn't pudding and I can actually remember her addy) blog and thinking to myself "I'm glad I don't have an office I can lock myself out of." Of course, at the same time, I ponder the glorious utility of one's ability to lock users out of his office. That might be nice.
I think, though, the similarity I find most embarassing is discovering that I've locked myself out of my ADO recordsets.
This segue makes little sense... nevertheless...
My title... "why literary alchemy?" Well, I came up with the concept many moons ago, while I struggled through the prospect of writing a contract review summary. The Evil Former Employer (henceforth: EFE) was reviewing services rendered by another massive conglomerate, with little or no support from senior management. I was asked by a respected and trusted former manager to write up a summary of the review-team's findings. Stupid me, I accepted. In effect I was asked to convert the atrocities commited to paper, by the peers of said manager, into a legible manuscript.
As I vainly struggled to avoid the use of:
1. "secondarily"
2. "irregardless" (I don't care what modern dictionaries say)
3. "monthalize" (huh?!)
4. any of 1,000 other modern corporate buzz words
I was told that:
1. "strive" is not a word
2. modern corporate buzz words are far more effective than that clunky english language
3. I couldn't list the contract review on my accomplishments for the year, nor would it be considered in my appraisal
Gee, thanks.
[SLASHAppreciationForTheSalaryAndBenefitsOfCorporateAmerica]
Such was born "literary alchemist", an online persona struggling with language in the forms of:
1. his beloved english literature
2. pseudo-intelligent corporate double talk
3. his beloved programming languages
Hence, I will frequently post in the form of rational, inspired english. Likewise, I will post absolute garbage, which results from a dearth of inspiration. Sprinkled here and there with the ocassional use of progamming to demonstrate frustration with either users or my own work.
SQL> Select strExpletive From tbl_RandomCurses Where intCurseID = Rnd(Int((Max(intCurseID) - Min(intCurseID) + 1) * Rnd + Min(intCurseID))
[RandomActOfCoincidence]
Funny, I just set this thing up and my buddy's asking me what it takes to set up a blog. What brought that up?
[SLASHRandomActOfCoincidence]
I've been reading BlondeChampagne's (I promise I'll relink her later when my brain isn't pudding and I can actually remember her addy) blog and thinking to myself "I'm glad I don't have an office I can lock myself out of." Of course, at the same time, I ponder the glorious utility of one's ability to lock users out of his office. That might be nice.
I think, though, the similarity I find most embarassing is discovering that I've locked myself out of my ADO recordsets.
This segue makes little sense... nevertheless...
My title... "why literary alchemy?" Well, I came up with the concept many moons ago, while I struggled through the prospect of writing a contract review summary. The Evil Former Employer (henceforth: EFE) was reviewing services rendered by another massive conglomerate, with little or no support from senior management. I was asked by a respected and trusted former manager to write up a summary of the review-team's findings. Stupid me, I accepted. In effect I was asked to convert the atrocities commited to paper, by the peers of said manager, into a legible manuscript.
As I vainly struggled to avoid the use of:
1. "secondarily"
2. "irregardless" (I don't care what modern dictionaries say)
3. "monthalize" (huh?!)
4. any of 1,000 other modern corporate buzz words
I was told that:
1. "strive" is not a word
2. modern corporate buzz words are far more effective than that clunky english language
3. I couldn't list the contract review on my accomplishments for the year, nor would it be considered in my appraisal
Gee, thanks.
[SLASHAppreciationForTheSalaryAndBenefitsOfCorporateAmerica]
Such was born "literary alchemist", an online persona struggling with language in the forms of:
1. his beloved english literature
2. pseudo-intelligent corporate double talk
3. his beloved programming languages
Hence, I will frequently post in the form of rational, inspired english. Likewise, I will post absolute garbage, which results from a dearth of inspiration. Sprinkled here and there with the ocassional use of progamming to demonstrate frustration with either users or my own work.
SQL> Select strExpletive From tbl_RandomCurses Where intCurseID = Rnd(Int((Max(intCurseID) - Min(intCurseID) + 1) * Rnd + Min(intCurseID))
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