Thar Be Monsters...

:rose: Suggested "Thar Be Monsters..." as my blog title. I didn't like it much, but it seemed cool for my first entry. He (yes, :rose: is a dude) is getting married in March. Wonderful girl, but I think he's nuts. Of course, I have several pizza boxes stacked up in the kitchen. What do I know of relationships?

[RandomActOfCoincidence]
Funny, I just set this thing up and my buddy's asking me what it takes to set up a blog. What brought that up?
[SLASHRandomActOfCoincidence]

I've been reading BlondeChampagne's (I promise I'll relink her later when my brain isn't pudding and I can actually remember her addy) blog and thinking to myself "I'm glad I don't have an office I can lock myself out of." Of course, at the same time, I ponder the glorious utility of one's ability to lock users out of his office. That might be nice.

I think, though, the similarity I find most embarassing is discovering that I've locked myself out of my ADO recordsets.

This segue makes little sense... nevertheless...

My title... "why literary alchemy?" Well, I came up with the concept many moons ago, while I struggled through the prospect of writing a contract review summary. The Evil Former Employer (henceforth: EFE) was reviewing services rendered by another massive conglomerate, with little or no support from senior management. I was asked by a respected and trusted former manager to write up a summary of the review-team's findings. Stupid me, I accepted. In effect I was asked to convert the atrocities commited to paper, by the peers of said manager, into a legible manuscript.

As I vainly struggled to avoid the use of:
1. "secondarily"
2. "irregardless" (I don't care what modern dictionaries say)
3. "monthalize" (huh?!)
4. any of 1,000 other modern corporate buzz words

I was told that:
1. "strive" is not a word
2. modern corporate buzz words are far more effective than that clunky english language
3. I couldn't list the contract review on my accomplishments for the year, nor would it be considered in my appraisal

Gee, thanks.
[SLASHAppreciationForTheSalaryAndBenefitsOfCorporateAmerica]

Such was born "literary alchemist", an online persona struggling with language in the forms of:
1. his beloved english literature
2. pseudo-intelligent corporate double talk
3. his beloved programming languages

Hence, I will frequently post in the form of rational, inspired english. Likewise, I will post absolute garbage, which results from a dearth of inspiration. Sprinkled here and there with the ocassional use of progamming to demonstrate frustration with either users or my own work.

SQL> Select strExpletive From tbl_RandomCurses Where intCurseID = Rnd(Int((Max(intCurseID) - Min(intCurseID) + 1) * Rnd + Min(intCurseID))