Thank you...

... to all the hard working public servants that protect us on a daily basis. We shouldn't need a day to say thanks, you should always be in our thoughts. Alas, such is not the case.

Please keep up your hard work.

That whole airline thing

So, here's an opinion from a journalist that seems to echo my feelings from "The Great England Conspiracy".

This particular segment cracks me up:


As Nadeau points out in an e-mail, her family’s two carry-on bags had enough electronics in them to wire a missile: “a laptop, a portable DVD player, a sound-blaster adapter and headphones, two cell phones, four MP3 players with headphones, a BlackBerry, a brick of AA batteries and two hand-held video games.” The security woman paid them no attention. “She dug around the electronics, searching for juice. About three other moms nearby were going through the same harassment…”

All kinds of dangerous chemicals can be traced to the power supplies in those devices and the batteries kept on hand for them. To say nothing of the devices' inherent ability to activate such a cobbled together weapon.

But the screeners made certain the kids couldn't drink their Hi-C. Awesome. Just freakin' brilliant.

Why doesn't this surprise me?

This article, posted at The Register doesn't really surprise me.

I wonder how quickly we'll discover that this effort was a deliberate feint?

I'm not tired of your brats...

... I'm tired of you.

This is outrageous:

Growing Up Healthy: No Brats Allowed. Your children are your responsibility, not mine. I do not profess to be the greatest lover of children, quite the opposite, they confuse and frighten me. However, I'm respectful of their rights in this world, when they're respectful of mine.

For example, if I enter a store called "Pottery Barn, Kids", I expect it to be filled with children, their parents and the accompanying noise. However, if I go to an R-Rated film at 11:30pm on a weeknight, I do not believe I should have to tolerate shouting, crying children. I deliberately go to movies at that time specifically to avoid the children. They're entitled to visit the theater all day long and enjoy their experience. Just as I'm entitled to enjoy my experience. Seeing as they're the majority in entertainment cases, I attempt to mitigate the situation as much as possible.

The problem here isn't the children themselves. The problem is the self absorbed adults who pay no attention to their children. I cannot describe the number of times, at a restaurant, I have watched a mother ignore her infant while it wailed and struggled to feed itself. What the hell are you thinking? This is a child, here, it cannot do for itself, that is why humans tend to their children for years and years. Or did you miss that part of growing up?

I am so annoyed by this attitude that it's difficult to formulate coherent thoughts on the matter.

Simply put: The nasty, filthy, dirty, disgusting individual who keeps leaving their infant's dirty diapers in or around the parking spaces I use at the office proves this point to me more than I can document here.

Treating Fellow Gamers Like Grownups

The folks over at Tied The Leader were good enough to respond to my conundrum. Some of the community is speaking up, in responses, about their own experiences with deleveling (either doing it themselves or witnessing it).

I find some of the delevelers' reason thin:
A) "I delevel to help my friends gain experience."
B) "I delevel to gain a deceitful edge."

What?

(A)
Last time I checked, one could still bring a friend along, in a party, to any matchmade game. I've brought my brother along to my matchmaking sessions and he's currently only level 1. This makes no sense to me. All I can imagine is that these folks are trying to make themselves feel better in some form or fashion. I think they're pretty weird.

(B)
Am I the only one who thinks that's lame? I mean, who the hell remembers which player is what level in the middle of a firefight? All I deal with, when the game starts, is "That player's not the same color as me. I must prevent him from achieving his objective."

---

I don't think I'll ever understand these mentalities. Just like I'll never understand the hateful yelling and insults that fly around online gaming communities. It doesn't really seem to solve anything and it all seems childish.

Maybe I'm just too old to be cool. I don't know.

SQL> Create Table PlayersToIgnore As Select GamerTag From Delevelers;

XBox Live

My brother finally beefed up his XBox 360, by signing up for XBox Live. Unfortunately, during his initial days on the service my ISP was uncooperative (this is the most polite description I've applied to my frustration with RoadRunner over the situation). A technician finally heeded my opinions, last weekend, and corrected the error. A sturdy broadband connection means I can now slaughter my brother in Halo 2 to my heart's content.

Last night I played for a while in general MatchMaking, trying to better myself (I'm getting slaughtered in the level 12-16 range, which probably means I'll permanently reside there) before he got home from work. During that time I encountered on of the single most bizarre situations I've ever seen in online ranked gaming:

Someone purposely trying to decrease his skill level. Austensibly so he could gloat about defeating players at lower levels.

I don't get that. I don't know if it's very common, but it's bizarre, to say the least. Are there genuinely people in the world with such low self esteem that they must reverse engineer cheating so that they can make themselves feel better?

Isn't winning honestly a better rush than this?

Ugh.




That being said, I did have a great time playing against my brother and his coworker, Station. Yes, that would be Station of Station's Creation. I even got his copy of the Halo Graphic Novel autographed to Station. I'm so clever.

Neither of them play Halo 2 as much as I, so bragging about how well I did would be wrong. However, I do feel that I held my own pretty darn well against them. My brother typically embarasses me when we play Halo 2 split screened at our mother's house. I attribute the discrepency to his Controller-S units and the smaller screen, which I have trouble seeing. It's sounded like BS whining until he got on Live and I can play against him under the conditions to which I'm accustomed. That is, my old-school XBox controllers and my big screen TV. Now, I feel vindicated against him and his buddy.

I'm hoping he continues to dabble in Halo 2, from time to time, because I'd really like to learn to play freakin' CTF on Live. I simply suck at this type of play. I can do a decent job in team games lacking objective based play. But, man, for someone as objective oriented as I am, for the most part, I just can't cut the mustard in CTF or Bomb games.

SQL> Select Halo2_Stats From Bungie.net Where GamerTag_Link = 'Lit';

Comic Con 2006 is officially in the can...

...And what a Con it was, this year.

Saturday, as has become the norm, was absolutely dreadful on the dealer floor. Too many people. Too little space. Too many shiny things attracting attention. And that doesn't include the scantily clad has-been Bunnies or Adult Stars.

Panels became insane on Saturday. I actually sat through a panel about The 4400, just so I could endure the most dreadful [adult swim] panel I've seen in five visits to the Con. Having said that, I'm seriously considering emailing the following to [adult swim]:

---

To whom it may concern,

I would like to thank Dino Stamatopoulos for singlehandedly ruining Comic Con International 2006's [adult swim] panel. Mr. Stamatopoulos's contempt for his fans first became apparent when he attempted to consume alcohol during the panel. He further made his disregard for the audience obvious when he advised us he was already inebriated. It seemed, however, that he felt his distaste for his audience and fans was not clear. Thus, he employed a strategy of insulting the audience and his peers, while pouting. All this to garner attention.

I find it commendable that [adult swim] has such unyielding patience for such an arrogant "artist" (used loosely) who has no interest in his public. You should be proud of your support for this untalented hack who dislikes his own work and his audience.

I look forward to ignoring his work as much as possible.

Sincerely,

The Undersigned

---

Such sentiment shouldn't be necessary. Panelists attend Comic Con voluntarily, for the most part. Individuals, such as Seth Green, really seem to enjoy the event. They like their fans and enjoy giving and receiving input on panels of this nature. Those of us who attend a panel to hear from a specific person are polite and friendly to the individuals with whom we are not familiar. It seems only fair that the panelists return the favor.

To appear inebriated is insulting to the fans. Not because I think drinking is wrong. Rather, because I believe it is disruptive and rude. Both to one's peers and to the fans.

I'm sure any sentiment I share with [adult swim] will have little or no effect on this guy. But I'll feel better, having shared my opinion on the matter.

---

Sunday was, as usual, pretty slow. The dealer floor was easier to navigate, but sparsely populated by dealers and their wares. I attended three panels:

1. The Tick (on DVD August 29th)
2. Cartoon Voices II
3. Robot Rumble 2006 (Crow and Tom Servo of MST3K fame arose victorious, over the likes of V.I.K.I, from Small Wonder)

By late Sunday morning, Con really begins to wear out its welcome. One is tired, over stimulated and on edge (people really jostle you around on the dealer floor). This year, I'm comfortable leaving... as the horror of the Evil Project From Hell no longer linger over my head at home.

I can't wait to get back to my own bed. And large screen TV.

SQL> Select Balance From Account Where User = 'Literary Alchemist';

ICC2006: Friday, July 21st

I have a rather unfortunate schedule staring at me, today. There are actually four panels at the same time that I would like to attend, at one point.

1a. Blank Label Comics
1b. Family Guy
Seeing as I'm a bit disappointed with Family Guy, this season, I think I'll hit up the Blank Label panel. The guys seemed pretty cool at their booth, yesterday. I like several of the comics. And I feel guilty that I promised I'd start reading Starslip Crisis, last summer, and forgot about it.

2. NOTHING FOR AN HOUR (seems to be a pattern this year).

3a. Ray Harryhausen
3b. Cartoon Network
I think I'm going to leave the Harryhausen panel early to hit up a CN panel. Just because I'm not horribly interested in "She".

4a. Clickwheel Comics
4b. DC Comics: JLA/JLU/JSA
4c. DVD Sneak Peak
4d. Sci Fi: Battlestar Galactica
Con planners: This is the most evil, unequitable and unfair lineup you've ever thrown at me. Given that Cartoon Network saw fit to jumble the JLU schedule so much, this year, that no one could follow it, I'm not going to get my hopes up for JSA in '06-'07. So I can skip that panel. Clickwheel interests me, because there's a number of comics I'd like to subscribe to podcasts for. But the effort needs to evolve more. Feedback and questions there would really interest me. Galactica will just be a fanboy exercise, as always. And I can probably live without it. There are hardly any new revelations in those panels. I love DVD Sneak Peak. I've gone four years running. Unfortunately, this year sucked so much for movies, there's really nothing new to look forward to. Though it would be interesting to hear about library entries being pressed.

5. NOTHING four TWO HOURS. Yeesh.

6. Halo Graphic Novel.
WOOOHOOO!

7. DC: 52: A year in the life of the DC Universe.
Might be interesting. But it interferes with dinner. I'll have to see if I really want to attend this panel.

8a. Spike and Mike's sick and twisted.
8b. Worst Cartoons Ever.
Every year we discuss going to Spike and Mike. We've never gone.
Worst cartoons ever seems interesting. But it's rather late.

We'll see. Time to get ready to head down for breakfast.

Comic Con: Day 1

Wow, I did a lot of damage, today, to my checking account:

1. 3 copies of the Halo Graphic Novel.
2. 2 Con exclusive VF1S figures. They're pretty cool. I almost want one of my own.
3. 1 Con exclusive Prototype TIE Interceptor (gold)
4. 2 Con exclusive white Multiplayer Elites.
5. 2 autographed PVP books.
6. 1 autographed copy of "The greatest comic book in the universe"
7. Assorted other motley odds and ends I don't completely recall off the top of my head.

I attended several panels:

1. "Myths for the Modern Age". This is an interesting concept, the Wold Newton universe of Philip Jose Farmer. Basically, it creates faux historical fact based upon the union of pop media with historical fact. The authors then create a manuscript based on the combination of this data.

The concept is actually intriguing, although unfortunately applied in a couple of the cases presented today. The panelists chose to present the material as making a presentation to a college class. This could have worked, if the presentors were more comfortable with public speaking. Unfortunately, the panel left me with a rather tepid feeling toward the material, because several of the panelists simply weren't prepared to present this material.

I think I would have liked to see it presented in the format of a press conference, wherein the presentors seeded the audience with individuals highly familiar with the material. Those individuals would act as journalists, asking prepared questions. The entire presentation would be delivered as an extensive Q&A presentation and would encourage more interaction from the audience.

Long story short, if you're interested in some of the older legendary characters in classic fiction, this series *might* interest you. It's worth examining at Wold Newton.

2. Geek Monthly / Cinemafantastique. This was disappointing. Of course, I didn't read the panel description beforehand, so my disappointment is unjustified. In short, I was hoping the panel would focus on the Geek Monthly periodical. Perhaps some of its contributors and coming articles. It turned out to be Robert Mayer Burnett's annual "upcoming films teasers and trailers presentation". Which really isn't bad, it just wasn't what I expected.

3. Batman Golden / Silver Age. This was pretty cool stuff. A number of the artists who did ghost work on Batman during the early years spoke of their experiences. It was interesting to hear them tell their tales of working with Bob Kane.

4. Animaniacs / Pinky and the Brain. What can I say? This is the third or forth time I've attended a panel with the voice actors from these series. The great thing this year, is that they were able to announce the release of DVDs presenting these series. The best news is the DVDs will be in stores next Tuesday, July 25th. [sweet].

5. I tried to go to the Future Prime "Top 10 Sci Fi Films of the Century", but got locked out. Apparently the convention organizers didn't anticipate the potential popularity of this panel and scheduled it for a TINY meeting room. Oh well. Perhaps I'll find a recap somewhere.

That's pretty much it. We had dinner at the really great little Italian kitchen where we enjoyed some great pizzas, last year. Unfortunately, I once again do not recall its name. I'll have to find that tomorrow and post it for folks who might be in the San Diego area. Some good stuff, there.

I need to download and post the pictures I took, too.

ICC2006: Thursday, July 20th

Comic Con programming begins in earnest today. I only have a few panels to attend:

1. Myths
2. Geek Monthly (Maybe)
3. Batman
4. Sergio & Mark Show (should be good stuff)
5. Pinky & The Brain and Animaniacs (a DVD announcement, maybe?!)
6. Top 10 Science Fiction flicks of the 20th Century (could be real lame, we'll see)

I still need to locate exclusives for some friends and a few other things. But I'm not anticipating too much trouble with a few of them. I managed to get by the Red versus Blue booth, last night. I got an autographed copy of Season 4, a Trocadero CD (sweeeeeet) and their Con exclusive TShirt. Cool stuff, man!

It's time to head down to our friends' hotel to meet up for breakfast!

I ain't got a chance...

...tonight proved expectation can be reality.

However. Reality still can't be expectation.

Fortunately, this particular TV show is cool.

When my time comes, I want it to be like Frederic Arthur (Fred) Clark

Fred Clark, as his friends apparently knew him, passed this week. I have no clue who he was. I don't know his family. I wouldn't know anything about him, if he didn't have a rather intriguing obituary:

Here's Fred's Obit

I like Fred's honesty. No, I freakin' admire it. When I pass on, I want my obituary to be this honest. I certainly hope that I folks won't have to say that I excelled at mediocrity... rather... I hope they say something along the lines of "He excelled at being who he was." Or, something philosophical like that.

Fred, I'll hoist a cold one in your honor! Thanks for being so forthright.

Dead Man's Chest

I ventured over to the Drafthouse, this afternoon, for a matinee of "Pirates of the Caribean: Dead Man's Chest". Good stuff, for the most art. I enjoyed the dialogue, once again. However, I felt, as have many critics, that Captain Jack was a little too scarce, this go around. In his place, the filmmakers felt the need to gorge their audience with an excess of special effects.

That's too bad, the finest selling point of the original film was its capacity to stand on its own. Without all the glitz.

1. What little we got of Captain Jack was, once again, great. I do think Depp was entitled to chew the scenery just a little bit more.

2. Cannibals. Cannibals are cool. In pirate movies. I don't want them living next door, or anything, but I certainly want to see them in my pirate movies.

3. I actually got to like Davy Jones. I was a bit put off by the look of the character, initially. He just felt too... over the top. But, after seeing Bill Nighy use the character to create such a strange speech pattern, was kinda cool.

That being said. I hated the ending. What an utter disappointment. I'm not referring to the inevitable cliffhanger. I'm referring to the absolutely unresolved storylines and the cheesy comic book character reveal in the moments before the credits.

Way to dumb things down, guys.

... on your mark ...

... Today begins the final stages of preparing for Comic Con International 2006. Hard to believe this will be my fifth venture out to San Diego for the ultimate Geekend. Kinda cool, huh?

If you don't think so, you're reading the wrong blog, my friend.

Thursday's schedule was released, today. I guess they're going to release the weekend's schedule, one day at a time, through this Sunday. Kind of odd, I don't recall this pattern, in the past. But, it's quite possible things were meted out to us in such a manner. I'm old and forgetful, afterall.

I'm starting to get pretty excited about seeing the gang again. Steve and Lee, in particular. For some reason we seem to have the most in common and set similar paces out there. That's quite fine by me, good company on vacation is the stuff.

I haven't laid out, exactly, what I'll be doing, this year. But, my absolute musts include:

1. Anything, everything and all things Bungie. Goshdarnit to heck, they're going to be there, so I'm going to show as much Bungie support as I can. Rabid fanboy stalker stylee. Including their panel.

2. I need to pick up several DVDs and hopefully a Trocadero CD from the Rooster Teeth dudes.

3. My plans to put as much anti-New-Star-Wars propaganda on the floor Thursday seem to have fallen by the wayside. I need to see if I can get a grassroots thing going here, next year. Maybe I should get :rose: involved in some sort of viral campaign. Since he's, like, studying them and stuff for work, now.

I'll have to go through this schedule again in more detail. Nothing really jumps out at me on Thursday. They just released Friday and the morning looks dismal. WTF?

SQL> Select strTrackName From tbl_Music Where strPlaylist = 'Active';

What's playing, these days:
1. High Violets: To Where You Are (album) - discovered today @
3hive.
2. Garbage: Bleed Like Me (album) - iTunes.
3. Elnea: "MJOLNIR's Child" (track) - posted weeks ago at HBO, downloaded today; love the lyrics and her voice.
4. Brian Hempel: "Dragonfly" (track) - Seventh Column Contest.
5. Lemon Demon: "Telekinesis" / "Word Disassociation" (tracks) - from the cats that brought us "The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny".
6. Jimi Hendrix: "All Along the Watchtower" (track) - from my CD collection.
7. Weird Al Yankovich: "Dare to be Stupid" (track) - iTunes, for some reason, it felt important to download this week.
8. The Cardigans: "My Favorite Game" (track) - iTunes, this makes driving fun.
9. Trocadero: "Blood Gulch Blues" (track) - from the cats who perform the Red vs. Blue theme, I got this one from the Halouvre.
10. Martin O'Donnell: "Mombassa Suite" (track) - from my CD collection.
11. Randy Edelman: "Pickett's Charge" (track) - from my CD collection.
12. Sarah McLachlan: "Time" (track) - from my CD collection.
13. Holst: "The Planets, Op. 32 - 1. Mars, The Bringer of War" (track) - from my CD collection.
14. Martin O'Donnell: "Earth City" (track) - from my CD collection.
15. Martin O'Donnell: "Truth and Reconciliation Suite" (track) - from my CD collection.
16. The Von Bondies: "C'mon, C'mon" (track) - iTunes

Superman Returned

I made my regular pilgrimage to Alamo Drafthouse, on Tuesday, to catch my weekly Screen 8 Fare (everything I've gone to see on Tuesday evening has been on Screen 8, I've grown attached to it, I think I'm just going to start asking for a ticket to whatever's in Screen 8). Fortunately, this week, the showing turned out to be Bryan Singer's Superman Returns. I'm hardly what could pass for a Superman fan. Rather, I prefer the Dark Knight, quite a bit more. Superman has always seemed too easy, too simple, too predictable, too self righteous.

However, there's something captivating about Superman. If there weren't, the character would've fallen by the wayside. Perhaps fading into obscurity, like Captain America. Or folly, like Aquaman. Instead, the virtue that makes him so basic, the integrity that makes him so noble and the strength that makes him so admirable have been mainstays of heroic fantasy for almost seventy years.

Somehow all of Superman's traits were ignored, in the 1980's, in favor of box office receipts. The plots of the third and fourth movies were so clunky and dated, they were meaningless by the time revenue began to return on them.

Fortunately, there has been a trend for the better, lately, in heroic cinema. Batman has been repaired and Spiderman has proven more insightful than many Oscar nominees. XMen appeared to be following the trend, but, well, Brett Ratner. I can't say more than that.

That being said, Singer has helmed Superman Returns with a careful devotion, which has been the center of a great deal of optimism and criticism. Given the overall simplicity of any Superman story, it doesn't seem fair to rebuke efforts toward a creative, timeless and fantastical attempt. I'm at a loss, therefore, to understand some of the harsh words used to describe this flick. My feedback is more basic, I think. Very simply, I felt:

1. Kevin Spacey was an excellent choice for the Lex Luthor role. He has the capacity and ability to play a villain of this caliber with little more than printed word. I genuinely hoped that he'd be afforded the screen time to consume himself with the role, to demonstrate that obscenely off-kilter nature so consistent with his most profound characters. Alas, it was not to be. While he was afforded memorable moments as one of the most entertaining villains of all time, those moments were cut far too short. One can only hope that a follow up is in the works, where Spacey's reins aren't held quite so tight.

2. The final 10-15 minutes were nearly interminable. It is only fair to mention that I had to excuse myself to the men's room before I died. However, the movie didn't seem to want to wrap itself up, once all was returned to right.

On the whole, the movie worked quite well. Brandon Routh and Kevin Spacey are more than capable of adopting their mantles, here. Each of them nearly channelling their predecessors. Kate Bosworth fit Lois Lane far better than Margo Kidder ever could have. She was less a stubborn damsel in distress and more a capable foil to Superman's righteous persona. Most importantly, James Marsden (again, with precious little screen time) engaged a new element to the story that took the film beyond what any other had done. He has interfered with the romantic dynamic between Lois and Superman in such a way that Superman cannot interfere. It would contrary to his personality and detrimental to the character as a whole. Simply because one cannot help but like Marsden's character.

I hope the same attention to detail will accompany any followups. Most importantly, I hope the studios respect Singer's efforts to make this film more than just a summer blockbuster and take every step necessary to avoid replacing him with the likes of Brett Ratner. Ever again.

SQL> Select HeroFlicks From tbl_Movies Where Stars = 5;

Nachos Grande Libre Pain

Mild stomach pain, that's why I've avoided movie theater nachos all my life. Ugh.

---

I went to Alamo Drafthouse to see Nacho Libre and ordered the matinee special nachos and beer. The nachos sucked and the beer was only "ok".

Unfortunately, the same can be said for the movie. The first thirty minutes were pretty entertaining, lots of good gags. Surprisingly few of them were potty humor, which really pleased me. Everything went downhill after that, though. The rest of the flick lost all the early spark and charm and just sorta droned on and on and on until the credits started to roll.

I thought the crazy Super Luchadore Hero stuff from the 50's that ran before the movie was funnier. Of course, that was Heckler Vision at its finest, I mean, he was subduing criminals in a long sequined cape in poorly dubbed English.

Oh well, I got it out of my system.

---

Sorta leaves me with nothing to go see over there tonight. I guess that was stupid of me. Oh well. I'll find something to do tonight.

SQL> Select Fiber From FruitsAndVegetables Where IAteCheapCheese = True;

Pulpular Media

Cars

Cars was great. I'm not sure what the bad reviews were about. Perhaps the lousy critics are trying to be the first to find a flaw in Pixar's methods. Personally, I think they need to get bent.

Cars wasn't nearly as meaningful as prior Pixar films. Nor was it as endearing. But it was a perfect escape, with a great story, beautiful imagery and a lot of fun. All of the references to their past were excellent, the humor bright and decidedly adult in many places and each over the top moment perfect.

I can't think of a reason not to purchase a copy on DVD.

Take that, critics who admired filth like "War of the Worlds".

---

Yesterday I pointed out Penny and Aggie, a great little webcomic. I've spent some more time on Keenspot in the last twenty-four hours and decided that Two Lumps and Count Your Sheep are great too.

'Lumps reminds me entirely too much of the goings on at my mother's house. Right down to the fact that, for years, I referred to two of her cats as Lump and Loaf (inspired by Ren and Stimpy). The collective personalities of mom's cats more than remind me of Eben and Snooch. Eben reminds me of a number of mom's cats. Snooch, on the other hand, can pretty much be pinned upon two... the original Loaf and the Clueless Wonder. Either of which has perpetrated many similar horrors upon the household. When you find the time, go check it out.

Count Your Sheep is a charming look on life that reminds me, in some ways, of Calvin and Hobbes. I really enjoy its simplicity, honestly and artwork.

Demographics

As a 30 year old male, I'm more than likely quite outside the intended demographic of this webcomic. All the same, I think it's charming, well written and well drawn. So, there, market analyst man.

I have no clue if the creators intend it to be a biting indictment of teenage rivalries, social development or the geek inheriting the earth. It's not my place to interpret their purpose. However, from my own little perspective, it's quite the send up and somewhat reassuring that my people are gaining some prominence and respect.

Spend some time visiting Penny and Aggie, when you get a chance. It's great stuff. Kudos, once again, to Scott Kurtz of PVPOnline for helping me find great stuff!

SQL> Select Title From WebComics Where Value = 'Unmeasured';

... movies ...

Yeah. Again.

Really.

I just watched "Napoleon Dynamite" again. I have it on DVD. You see that part, Spielberg, Lucas and every other big name special effects director in Hollywood? I won't buy YOUR movies, but I'll buy "Napoleon Dynamite". There isn't one special effect in this flick. Even the time machine.

But I'll buy it.

Go find something worthy of my time.

SQL> Select * From Movies Where Charm = 'Simplicity';