Literary Alchemy

Sky Watch 2008.06.18 2035-2235 CDT

2008-06-19T00:01:00.004-05:00

Location: McAllister Park, San Antonio, TX. Near the dog park.

Conditions: Clear skies all evening. High of 95 degrees Fahrenheit, low of 93 degrees Fahrenheit. Moderate humidity all evening.

Observations:

1. @2045 CDT w/ Celestron 12x60 (henceforth GLC1260) - Saturn in Leo, above Regulus. Bright and easily seen in late twilight, despite metropolitan light pollution.

2. @2050 CDT w/ 12" Dobsonian Reflector (henceforth KLx12DR) - Saturn in Leo, above Regulus. Stunning for the first time with such optics. I had never before seen any of the planets in such detail, to see the rings so clearly and additional detail on the planet was spectacular. It is difficult not to be tempted to rush right out and buy a scope of this magnitude just to see Saturn regularly.

3. @2100 CDT w/ GLC1260 - Regulus in Leo, with Mars becoming apparent, though I was not yet able to spot the red planet at this hour with the naked eye.

4. @2115 CDT w/ KLx12DR - Saturn again to specifically observe the moon Titan. The ringed planet's largest moon was clearly visible as a bright pin an inch or two (relative) away from the planet. An additional, smaller, moon was visible below the gas giant, however those more familiar with the system were unable to identify it.

5. @2117 CDT w/ 12" Meade Lightbridge Truss Tube Reflector (henceforth GxML12DR) - Mars as a brilliant point of light with an apparent pinkish red tinge. The fourth planet was amazingly bright!

6. @2130 CDT w/ GLC1260 - Mizar and Alcor in Ursa Major (the Big Dipper). I found this double star easy to spot both with the naked eye and my binoculars, once discussions about them started.

7. @2135 CDT w/ KLx12DR - Mizar and Alcor in Ursa Major (the Big Dipper). Through a twelve inch reflector, these two stars were amazingly bright and obviously more stable to view. Each was amazing in its own right and their neighbors were really beginning to show clearly in the darker sky.

8. @2150 CDT w/ KLx12DR - M13 Globular Cluster. There was quite a bit of discussion and redirection attempting to find this deep sky object. Once found, though, it was amazing to see through a twelve inch reflector. It takes a bit of practice to learn how to "see" the cluster, it is almost easier to see it by looking for it in your peripheral vision.

9. @xxxx CDT w/ GLC1260 - Failed to definitively spot M13 Globular Cluster with my binoculars. While an exceptionally friendly new member of SAAA was determined to help me spot M13 with my binoculars, I'm not convinced I succeeded. It's not going anywhere, not during my lifetime, though, so I've plenty of time to meet with success in this endeavor. Practice, after all, makes perfect.

Summary:

By the end of the night I'd made many new friends and had an excellent time in the park. Keith, Gilda, half a dozen Johns and several other folks' whose names elude me were kind, helpful, excited to share their tools and knowledge with me and a dozen or so other fascinated onlookers.

I successfully spotted each of my primary goals for the night, those being Saturn, Mars, Leo and Regulus. I didn't set particularly difficult to achieve goals for myself. However, the difficulty of my goals is mitigated by my current level of comfort with the night sky.

I am excited to continue participating and, in particular, am looking forward to joining this group of enthusiasts for a night under a darker sky!

Device Notes:

1. Celestron 12x60 Binoculars - I'm very pleased with the performance of these binoculars for less detailed viewing of the night sky. The optics proved to be clear, easy to adjust and not quite as heavy as I'd expected.

I'm happy with the dew guard included. Particularly since it included an inherent loop to secure the guard to the body of the binoculars. I chose to use a small length (perhaps eight inches, total) of gutted blue paracord (550 cord) to make the connection. I had no concerns, all evening, of misplacing the guard.

I am, however, exceptionally disappointed (disgusted) with the "strap". The strap included is merely a 1/4" section of braided nylon. It is wholly insufficient for "wearing" the binoculars for any length of time. It wears at the skin and digs into the body. I chose, tonight, to wear a collared shirt. When the "strap" began to irritate me, I shifted it over the collar such that the collar absorbed and diffused much of the discomfort from the strap. Regardless, the strap is worthless.

Modifications to apply:
1.a. It is important to look for a more comfortable replacement strap in the near future. After doing some research on the web, I'm interested in a Superbungee Camera/Binocular Strap. The price is reasonable and the comfort features are appealing.

1.b. I considered applying some white electrical tape to the objective lens caps, but didn't. After spending a bit more time looking for them than I'd like, at the end of the evening, I've determined that applying the tape is a good idea after all.

2. Moleskine pocket square notebook - I'm pretty happy with this little notebook, so far. The pocket in the back is very useful. Before departing I stashed two large bandages, two small bandages, a large and small butterfly bandage, two disinfectant wipes and a sting ease wipe. I also used the pocket to stash a business card I was given early in the evening.

As predicted, the notebook is easy to loose track of in the dark. I'm glad I taped a white "L" on each cover to easily spot it when I set it down. The grid design was great for drawing out Leo and it was easy to see using a red LED light.

I've still experienced no bleed through, from page to page, using my Zebra G301 (gel ink) pen. However, I did notice, several times, that the ink smeared if touched immediately after being put down.

Modifications to apply:
2.a/b. None for the time being.

3. Celestron Sky Maps - I am disappointed in myself for not attempting to use this more and identify constellations and stars on my own. I relied entirely too much on other, more experienced, participants.

That being said, I am disappointed in the plastic spine binding. It simply slips off too easily if the book is folded in half for easy handling.

Modifications to apply:
3.a. I would like to find a way to conveniently bind the book such that the pages do not come easily separated from the book. I immediately considered using a CountyComm aircraft aluminum key loop, however, looping a single corner of the binding together will negate the utility of the planisphere on the front cover. Perhaps using one key loop on the top and bottom corners of the binding will suffice.

3.b. I am still unsatisfied with my writing implements for the star charts. The most successful erasable implement I have used is a red Boone's dry erase marker. I cannot, however, find a blue sibling for it. I wish I could recall where I purchased the red one. Thus far I have tried: a blue Expo Dry Erase Marker, this was insufficient in that it beaded to water without setting at all; a blue Vis a Vis Wet Erase Marker, this was insufficient in that does not come completely clean, some blue residue remains (such is not the case with the Boone's); I read some references to using crayons on the charts and so purchased a pack of 24 Crayola crayons, these were insufficient in that they do not transfer well and result in sloppy lines. Writing on my star charts remains a challenge to overcome, while I continue trying different devices.

4. Nite Ize Mag Lite "AA" LED upgrades - I am very pleased with both the white LED and red LED modifications I have made to a pair of my Mag Lites. They were a breeze to install and can be easily removed and refit with the original incandescent bulb and reflector if I should choose to do so.

While the LED upgrades were easily installed, they do result in a minor misfitting of the bulb housing. While minor, the misfit is sufficient to loosen the housing to a nearly precarious degree. I resolved this by wrapping several layers of teflon tape to the lower threads of the main assembly.

As I suspected, the appearance of the LEDs themselves are identical. That is, both the red LED upgrade and the white LED upgrade appear clear when they are not illuminated. Effectively making it impossible to determine which is which without activating the lights. I cured this by wrapping red electrical tape around the light modified with the red LED and white electrical tape around the light modified with the white LED.

Modifications to apply:
4.a/b. I have no modifications to consider at this time.

5. Nite Ize "IQ Switch" for Mag Lite "AA" - I installed one of these push button switches in each of my LED upgraded Mag Lites and have to say, this is one of the most clever features created, yet, for these well known lights. The IQ switch is an easily installed one-to-one replacement of the base cap of the Mag "AA". It includes five modes: 100%, 50% and 25% illumination, slow strobe and fast strobe. Each feature is easily accessed by rapidly clicking the switch (once for 100%, five times for fast strobe) and easily deactivated by simply waiting 2 seconds before pressing the switch again. The IQ Switch itself contains a very small red LED which persistently blinks to make the light visible if dropped in the dark. This is a clever feature I have already been grateful for on two occasions.

I am not impressed with the tether options provided in these caps. While a standard 1/2" diameter split ring can be fitted, easily, to the IQ Switch, it will mostly be in the way of the switch itself. I removed both split rings and lanyards I had attached to the lights as soon as I got home, tonight.

Modifications to apply:
5.a. Find a suitable means by which to install a tether. Wire or a small loop of fishing line may work nicely.
5.b. Consider using lithium "AA" batteries to prolong life and perhaps increase brilliance.

6. Maxpedition Devil Dog versapack - This was excellent for carrying all but the largest of my gadgets and devices. It accommodated my binoculars, two 1L Nalgene bottles, a pack of Repel insect repellent wipes, both Mag Lites, eight dry erase markers, my Leatherman Kick, slim first aid kit, crayons in an Altoid tin, my snack for the evening (a pair of Clif Bars), my Moleskine, lens cloth, Maratac ACQ watch and my Zebra G301. It was neither cumbersome or excessively weighty, although I didn't wear it for any prolonged period of time. There was still plenty of room to slip a few essentials in if need be.

Modifications to apply:
6.a/b. None to consider at this time.

7. Unbranded WWII replica musette bag - This was ideal for my star charts, larger notebooks, reference books and LazerBrite stick. It was easily carried, unloaded and reloaded all evening.

Modifications to apply:
7.a/b. I can think of no direct modifications to make to the bag. It will serve me well for the near future. Though I would like a more purpose built bag for carrying my carts and books. Something with PALS channels on the outside to support a Maxpedition Monkey Combat Admin pouch would be nice, but not a necessity.

8. Quick Chair folding chair - I purchased this necessity at the Sports Authority for $9. It was comfortable, light, easy to unpack and pack and great to have on hand.

The vertical plane of the back is a little steep for sky watching. Though this is only a minor complaint given the excellent price of the chair. I would like something, in the future, with a shallower back angle.

Modifications to apply:
8.a/b. I can think of none, right now.

9. Repel insect repellent wipes - These worked great to keep the bugs off and I'd highly recommend them to any other amateur astronomers. They are ideal for keeping the bugs away, all while avoiding the embarrassment of filling the air with chemicals in the presence of expensive glass.

Modifications to apply:
9.a/b. Prepackaged product, none. Though I'm curious how well they'll hold up in an airsoft application.

That's all for now. Quite a long post, which has become out of sorts for me. :-)

SQL> Select * From tbl_Clusters Where Cluster_ID = 'M13';

LWR!

2008-06-09T09:38:00.001-05:00

Goodbye, Mister Chief

2008-05-20T08:34:00.002-05:00

Frankie (aka "Frank O'Connor") has chosen to leave Bungie studios to pursue what he described as a future with the Halo marque within the Microsoft halls.

Mister O'Connor has been an approachable, humorous and infectious portal (cake or no) to the world of Bungie since the development of Halo 2. He has maintained a dedicated weekly update filled with jest, innuendo and community spirit almost without fault or fail. All of which has been far beyond the call of most game studios.

I was fortunate enough to meet Mister O'Connor in July, 2006, for a few brief moments after the Halo: Uprising comic book panel at International Comic Con. The poor man and his Bungie peers were simply mobbed by fans. Not, perhaps, to the extent that Stan Lee may be mobbed at such an event; but they were mobbed none the less.

Not once did any of them fail to smile. Each of them did their best to read our badges so they may call us by our name. They shook each and every sweaty paw shoved in their general direction and spent what I am sure was precious personal time with their community after the panel.

Mister O'Connor was with them, every single moment. He seemed a bit tired and perhaps overwhelmed, but he never relented in his enthusiasm for the group of people around him.

I, too, wanted some autographs in my copy of the Halo Graphic Novel. I wanted Ms. McLees and the others to ink their signature with the wealth of images they had included in the book. But, I needed Frankie's first. I recall thinking "he'll be the hardest to get to, he's the most recognizable Bungie persona, right now. The only way to get him to autograph his Mister Chief image is if I do it right this instant."

I waited, patiently, as some fans and community members greeted and thanked him. Then I politely approached him, extended my hand and thanked him for his diligence and parnership with the community. Of course he smiled, thanked me for being a part of the community and said a few other brief words. It was at that moment that I managed to shake up his implacable bearing:

"Would you please sign Mister Chief for me?"

I had not expected to catch him off guard. I was not trying to be tricky or sly. I just thought he deserved as much signatory recognition in the book as everyone else. It just seemed, right, logical, normal. Apparently, he had not seen it that way. I am not sure why.

I do not recall his exact words. I wish I did, now. But they were words of surprise, something akin to:

'Are you sure? I mean, I'd love to, but I didn't really do anything here.'

I was positive I wanted him to sign the novel. In fact, I was positive I wanted him to sign the additional copy I was having autographed for a friend of my brother. I handed him the books and a silver Sharpie. Instantly, the mild look of stunned disbelief left his face and an enormous smile filled his visage.

With a flourish and some words of wit, Mister O'Connor signed both graphic novels and instantly my idea was a hit. Everyone else in the crowd began asking for his signature as well and he happily accommodated to the best of his ability.

I am sad that Mister O'Connor is leaving Bungie Studios. I have so very much appreciated his participation in our community. However, I am delighted to have this opportunity to reflect upon a moment during which I was able to return the favor of all the smiles he has infected upon the Halo world and its fans.

Thank you, Frankie, for all your hard work and friendship. May you have the absolute best of luck in the future!

102,432

2008-04-08T10:30:00.001-05:00

Stop Uwe Boll from making movies. He claims he will retire if 1 million people sign THIS PETITION.

An intersting political article.

2008-02-20T09:17:00.002-06:00

I found this fascinating. Mostly because I identify with so many of the author's points.

The Aspen Times - "The Angry White Man"

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

2008-01-16T13:37:00.000-06:00

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

http://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/

Another Interesting Blog...

2008-01-07T15:22:00.000-06:00

...This one is historic - WW1: Experiences of an English Soldier . The blog's author is transcribing letters his grandfather wrote home during World War I. He is transcribing and posting each letter to this blog on the month and day, 90 years later, that his grandfather wrote it. As a result, there is some suspense involved, as readers have no idea when the last letter will be posted and what it will contain.

New Musings...

2008-01-03T14:18:00.000-06:00

Here's an interesting blog, Misfortune Cookie. The young lady's insights are quite fun, well defined and interesting. I can't say that I agree with all she has to say all the time - I may play a retort off her "10 movies I'm supposed to like..." entry for that very reason - but I appreciate her style and her preferred subject.

Here are a few notable entries in her blog:

1. "Honoring the year's funniest in film" - Article

2. "Actual ridiculous things customers have said at work" - Humor

3. The decline of the strong female character - and 10 ladies who defy the trend - Essay

4. Five lost classics worth checking out - Article: I find this one of particular note, because I recently watched Ace in the Hole (1951) and absolutely share her every sentiment. This film, as it stands, should be required viewing for any journalist.

This was fun...

2007-12-24T14:04:00.000-06:00

...

	I received 93 credits on The Sci Fi Sounds Quiz How much of a Sci-Fi geek are you?
Take the Sci-Fi Movie Quiz canon s5 is

Parenting

2007-07-18T18:00:00.000-05:00

Carrie Friedman is annoyed by questions of parenting.

I don't know Carrie Friedman, nor do I know much about her life. I only know what she's shared in her article. The commentary associated with this article is fascinating, however. Far too many people seem to overlook the possibility that the author is offended by the intrusions upon her privacy evidenced by the behavior of so many people.

I have, on numerous occassions herein, spoken out against unruly parents and their children. However, I see this article less an indictment of parents and more of intrusion. A person's choices are theirs and no one else's. I was taught to believe strongly in this and was taught to respect the privacy of others.

I simply don't ask questions about others' personal lives. I'm thrilled when my friends trust me enough to confide in me, but would never dare to solicit their confidence. Such is not a relationship of trust.

For those reasons it infuriates me when people fail to reciprocate.

It takes a special kind of stupid...

2007-07-11T00:06:00.000-05:00

...to interrupt the most important two minutes of the 90 minute M$ presentation. Way to go G4TV. That was brilliant.

FAIL.

*****

And tomorrow I preorder my Halo 3 XBox. Glad I didn't get an Elite.

Microsft am Boring | G4TV = Fail

2007-07-10T23:00:00.000-05:00

I've never really cared much for G4TV. It's turned video gaming into a pathetic pop culture phenomenon similar to the tripe of MTv. A network which so utterly fails to deliver on its purpose that I haven't even looked at its listings in years.

That G4TV:

1. Failed to secure funds from M$ to air this presentation without interruption...
2. Interrupted several amazing presentations...

is just further proof of how useless this network is.

As for Microsoft: Ok, so E3 is restricted again and unpolluted by fans, meaning you are presenting dull industry fact to dull industry members. But, come on, a talking head? You couldn't do better than this dullard presenting Madden '08?

To top it all off, none of the content that G4 has seen fit to air uninterrupted is new. Wow. Golden Axe. Yay Tetris.

Thirty six minutes of fail, so far.

September 25, 2007. Tuesday.

2007-05-16T09:09:00.001-05:00

The most important date of the year, for me.

Read.

Enough is Enough Already

2007-04-19T10:32:00.000-05:00

It's time for the networks to remove the monster's face from above the fold and their home pages. They're playing right into his hand.

Boycott them if you can. Please?

The following reach far beyond the trivialities of the networks and deserve your attention more than "...the multimedia manifesto..."

1. Please read MB's tribute to Professor Liviu Librescu, if you haven't.

2. Please read Chez's tribute to Maxine Turner, if you haven't.

They're both far better writers than I could ever hope to be. They each said what I've struggled to say since Tuesday morning.

When you're done, read MB's House Hunting Post, laughter is the best medicine.

This is great stuff

2007-01-05T12:27:00.000-06:00

I really don't need to say anything, all I need to do is send a link out to this blog entry:

2006: Year of the Douchebag (The Complete List)

Inorganic Sentients Circling the Planet

2006-11-03T12:44:00.000-06:00

Before I rant, I'd like to discuss something cool. A couple of the folks who join us at Comic Con, each year, have opened their own business online. Commanderbot makes and sells very loud geektacular button up shirts at http://www.robotsinorbit.com. She and Designbot have a blog, where they've been discussing design and implementation of the store. I can't imagine what they'll be posting in the future, but it's kinda fun to read at http://robotsinorbit.blogspot.com/

It's Time To Wake Up, Parents

2006-10-03T08:36:00.000-05:00

In the wake of the recent school shootings and a manhunt in Florida, is this article really the best we can do?

What good is this article doing us?

1. I don't notice any point where the journalist offered suggestions to fix the problem. He just points out what should have been painfully obvious the first time a revenge killing was committed.

2. This journalist is doing little else than stating what should be more than obvious to anyone.

ugh

I have too much contempt for this article and am just, in general, too frustrated to even consider the matter further. I don't even have kids.

Downtime

2006-09-23T20:24:00.000-05:00

Another week in lovely Wilmington, DE, has come to an end for me. I remember when air travel was an exciting novelty (have I said this before?). The prospect of "getting to fly" was wrought with excitement. The night before a flight was spent barely sleeping in anticipation.

By this point in my career, however, it has become complete and utter tedium. I wake up at the last minute. I curse the early hour. I struggle across town to the airport. I select seats on the aisle to avoid being crammed into a wall. I remain wholly anti-social until the entire affair has come to an end.

Prior to this trip, I purchased a set of Ultimate Ear super.fi 3 earbuds to drown out all the noise in the fuselage. I have to say, they were great. Usually, after I travel, I've a headache from the drone of the engines, constant chatter and wails of obnoxious children. On neither Monday, nor Friday, this week, did I feel the audible effects of the flights. I even had the misfortune of being seated amid a number of noisy children on both my return flights. The Ulimtate Ear kit paid off in spades, as I didn't hear a single bit of their tedious and excessive youthful nonsense. I highly recommend these suckers to anyone else who struggles to successfully drown out the background noises of a plane.

In the Philadelphia airport, yesterday, I purchased a copy of Flags of our Fathers. It's an interesting history of the six men photographed raising the flag atop Mount Suribachi in 1945. A compelling story, albeit clumsily written. I've consumed about fifty-percent of the book and have enjoyed the portrait painted within. The selection is timely, as a film will be released, later this year, based on the novel. The trailer seems as clumsy as the novel, though. I believe I'll have to do more research into the matter before choosing to see the film.

Enough rambling for the evening...

SQL> Select Rain From Forecast Where Thunderstorm = True;

I need a bigger, uglier rock, please...

2006-09-14T09:26:00.000-05:00

...I hate AS400...

Really. This dinosour just won't go away. Nor will the crotchety codgers who still specialize in it. They cringe at the thought of a relational database. They scurry off when the light of object-oriented development shines above them.

The most efficient tool available to me for retrieving data from this piece of hagis is the AS400 query tool. Which cannot span logic. Ugh. I really want to look at something else for a while.

SQL> Delete From tbl_Systems Where Functionality = 'Obsolete';

IH-10 East, Just Before the Huebner Road Overpass

2006-09-12T08:09:00.000-05:00

This incorrect statement was read on the radio:

"...and in national news, a small commuter plane has crashed into the World Trade Center..."

I was lazily making my way to the office, only a couple of miles away. I wasn't exiting Fredericksburg, because we'd been moved off the main campus two years prior. I had just moved into a new apartment and ten days earlier interviewed for a position with my current employer.

That was my life in a flash. Rather insignificant, as I reconsider the thoughts I had on that morning.

"A small commuter plane? That doesn't sound right. This is it. This is the one. They've tried so hard for the last ten years."

I started racing through the available radio stations looking for something more accurate. Something more complete. I found nothing.

I think I sped up a little bit, drifting above the speed limit. I exited for Medical Drive and slipped past the final two blocks leading to my office building.

I was on edge, waiting to hear how my interview had gone. I tried to make the reality of my life more important than the news on the radio. I hoped the synopsis I'd heard was correct. I tried to make my life bigger than that reality.

I sat down at my desk and went through my morning login routine.

I started an internet browser and proceeded directly to CNN.com, looking for more information.

I couldn't access the website. There was too much traffic on the site.

It wasn't a small commuter plane, I thought.

Where is the rest of my unit?

I typed in the URL for a local news station. It was inaccessible.

Local news was unavailable?

Where is the rest of my unit? Why is the floor so still, so quiet?

I looked at my phone, hoping the red light would be on. Wishing for a voicemail from the individuals who had interviewed me. I was still trying to go on with my life. I was sitll hoping what I'd heard on the radio was right.

By the time I typed in the URL for MSNBC.com, noise had begun to return to the floor. But not the sound of agents answering calls from customers. Nor the sound of collectors making outbound calls. This was something else.

And there it was. Right in front of my eyes on MSNBC.com. One of the buildings already smoldering. The other demonstrating the first signs of a conflagration.

I have spent something on the order of thirty minutes, so far, typing this entry. Seventeen minutes elapsed between the first collision and the second. Twenty, maybe twenty five minutes passed for me. The time it took to find and identify the news. Twenty five precious minutes to someone on the third floor. Or the tenth.

Twenty five interminable minutes in which someone above the impacts realized there was no escape.

Twenty four minutes longer than someone aboard the first plane had to consider their situation.

Eight minutes more than someone aboard the second plane.

Time for me had become objective. Get out, I thought. But, how? There's no time.

Are there more?

I went to the breakroom. Televisions in the breakroom were always running CNN.

There was hardly space in a room meant for about 75 people.

It was real. This was happening. There it was, on a live feed. No speculation.

I watched for a few minutes. Until I could no longer deny my own responsibilities. I went back to my desk.

News floated in from the breakroom. The Pentagon. Another plane crash. Each tower fell.

I saw the first collapse, live. I remember that. I had drifted away from my tasks again to see what was happening on the news. It happened. How many people were in that building? How much time do the people in the second building have?

Borrowed time. Everyone who escaped lived on borrowed time.

I can't imagine how horrible it is to realize that. I've never lived on borrowed time.

My life went on. A week to the day later, I received the call: "We would like to offer you a position." I turned in my resignation. I started my new job.

Every moment. The entire sequence of September 11, 2001 became a blur for me.

I didn't forget.

But I don't remember enough.

I don't remember frequently.

Thank you...

2006-09-11T14:56:00.000-05:00

... to all the hard working public servants that protect us on a daily basis. We shouldn't need a day to say thanks, you should always be in our thoughts. Alas, such is not the case.

Please keep up your hard work.

That whole airline thing

2006-08-30T16:04:00.000-05:00

So, here's an opinion from a journalist that seems to echo my feelings from "The Great England Conspiracy".

This particular segment cracks me up:

As Nadeau points out in an e-mail, her family’s two carry-on bags had enough electronics in them to wire a missile: “a laptop, a portable DVD player, a sound-blaster adapter and headphones, two cell phones, four MP3 players with headphones, a BlackBerry, a brick of AA batteries and two hand-held video games.” The security woman paid them no attention. “She dug around the electronics, searching for juice. About three other moms nearby were going through the same harassment…”

All kinds of dangerous chemicals can be traced to the power supplies in those devices and the batteries kept on hand for them. To say nothing of the devices' inherent ability to activate such a cobbled together weapon.

But the screeners made certain the kids couldn't drink their Hi-C. Awesome. Just freakin' brilliant.

Why doesn't this surprise me?

2006-08-17T15:51:00.000-05:00

This article, posted at The Register doesn't really surprise me.

I wonder how quickly we'll discover that this effort was a deliberate feint?

I'm not tired of your brats...

2006-08-15T08:59:00.000-05:00

... I'm tired of you.

This is outrageous:

Growing Up Healthy: No Brats Allowed. Your children are your responsibility, not mine. I do not profess to be the greatest lover of children, quite the opposite, they confuse and frighten me. However, I'm respectful of their rights in this world, when they're respectful of mine.

For example, if I enter a store called "Pottery Barn, Kids", I expect it to be filled with children, their parents and the accompanying noise. However, if I go to an R-Rated film at 11:30pm on a weeknight, I do not believe I should have to tolerate shouting, crying children. I deliberately go to movies at that time specifically to avoid the children. They're entitled to visit the theater all day long and enjoy their experience. Just as I'm entitled to enjoy my experience. Seeing as they're the majority in entertainment cases, I attempt to mitigate the situation as much as possible.

The problem here isn't the children themselves. The problem is the self absorbed adults who pay no attention to their children. I cannot describe the number of times, at a restaurant, I have watched a mother ignore her infant while it wailed and struggled to feed itself. What the hell are you thinking? This is a child, here, it cannot do for itself, that is why humans tend to their children for years and years. Or did you miss that part of growing up?

I am so annoyed by this attitude that it's difficult to formulate coherent thoughts on the matter.

Simply put: The nasty, filthy, dirty, disgusting individual who keeps leaving their infant's dirty diapers in or around the parking spaces I use at the office proves this point to me more than I can document here.

Treating Fellow Gamers Like Grownups

2006-08-04T14:57:00.000-05:00

The folks over at Tied The Leader were good enough to respond to my conundrum. Some of the community is speaking up, in responses, about their own experiences with deleveling (either doing it themselves or witnessing it).

I find some of the delevelers' reason thin:
A) "I delevel to help my friends gain experience."
B) "I delevel to gain a deceitful edge."

What?

(A)
Last time I checked, one could still bring a friend along, in a party, to any matchmade game. I've brought my brother along to my matchmaking sessions and he's currently only level 1. This makes no sense to me. All I can imagine is that these folks are trying to make themselves feel better in some form or fashion. I think they're pretty weird.

(B)
Am I the only one who thinks that's lame? I mean, who the hell remembers which player is what level in the middle of a firefight? All I deal with, when the game starts, is "That player's not the same color as me. I must prevent him from achieving his objective."

I don't think I'll ever understand these mentalities. Just like I'll never understand the hateful yelling and insults that fly around online gaming communities. It doesn't really seem to solve anything and it all seems childish.

Maybe I'm just too old to be cool. I don't know.

SQL> Create Table PlayersToIgnore As Select GamerTag From Delevelers;

XBox Live

2006-08-01T15:10:00.000-05:00

My brother finally beefed up his XBox 360, by signing up for XBox Live. Unfortunately, during his initial days on the service my ISP was uncooperative (this is the most polite description I've applied to my frustration with RoadRunner over the situation). A technician finally heeded my opinions, last weekend, and corrected the error. A sturdy broadband connection means I can now slaughter my brother in Halo 2 to my heart's content.

Last night I played for a while in general MatchMaking, trying to better myself (I'm getting slaughtered in the level 12-16 range, which probably means I'll permanently reside there) before he got home from work. During that time I encountered on of the single most bizarre situations I've ever seen in online ranked gaming:

Someone purposely trying to decrease his skill level. Austensibly so he could gloat about defeating players at lower levels.

I don't get that. I don't know if it's very common, but it's bizarre, to say the least. Are there genuinely people in the world with such low self esteem that they must reverse engineer cheating so that they can make themselves feel better?

Isn't winning honestly a better rush than this?

Ugh.

That being said, I did have a great time playing against my brother and his coworker, Station. Yes, that would be Station of Station's Creation. I even got his copy of the Halo Graphic Novel autographed to Station. I'm so clever.

Neither of them play Halo 2 as much as I, so bragging about how well I did would be wrong. However, I do feel that I held my own pretty darn well against them. My brother typically embarasses me when we play Halo 2 split screened at our mother's house. I attribute the discrepency to his Controller-S units and the smaller screen, which I have trouble seeing. It's sounded like BS whining until he got on Live and I can play against him under the conditions to which I'm accustomed. That is, my old-school XBox controllers and my big screen TV. Now, I feel vindicated against him and his buddy.

I'm hoping he continues to dabble in Halo 2, from time to time, because I'd really like to learn to play freakin' CTF on Live. I simply suck at this type of play. I can do a decent job in team games lacking objective based play. But, man, for someone as objective oriented as I am, for the most part, I just can't cut the mustard in CTF or Bomb games.

SQL> Select Halo2_Stats From Bungie.net Where GamerTag_Link = 'Lit';

Comic Con 2006 is officially in the can...

2006-07-24T10:01:00.000-05:00

...And what a Con it was, this year.

Saturday, as has become the norm, was absolutely dreadful on the dealer floor. Too many people. Too little space. Too many shiny things attracting attention. And that doesn't include the scantily clad has-been Bunnies or Adult Stars.

Panels became insane on Saturday. I actually sat through a panel about The 4400, just so I could endure the most dreadful [adult swim] panel I've seen in five visits to the Con. Having said that, I'm seriously considering emailing the following to [adult swim]:

To whom it may concern,

I would like to thank Dino Stamatopoulos for singlehandedly ruining Comic Con International 2006's [adult swim] panel. Mr. Stamatopoulos's contempt for his fans first became apparent when he attempted to consume alcohol during the panel. He further made his disregard for the audience obvious when he advised us he was already inebriated. It seemed, however, that he felt his distaste for his audience and fans was not clear. Thus, he employed a strategy of insulting the audience and his peers, while pouting. All this to garner attention.

I find it commendable that [adult swim] has such unyielding patience for such an arrogant "artist" (used loosely) who has no interest in his public. You should be proud of your support for this untalented hack who dislikes his own work and his audience.

I look forward to ignoring his work as much as possible.

Sincerely,

The Undersigned

Such sentiment shouldn't be necessary. Panelists attend Comic Con voluntarily, for the most part. Individuals, such as Seth Green, really seem to enjoy the event. They like their fans and enjoy giving and receiving input on panels of this nature. Those of us who attend a panel to hear from a specific person are polite and friendly to the individuals with whom we are not familiar. It seems only fair that the panelists return the favor.

To appear inebriated is insulting to the fans. Not because I think drinking is wrong. Rather, because I believe it is disruptive and rude. Both to one's peers and to the fans.

I'm sure any sentiment I share with [adult swim] will have little or no effect on this guy. But I'll feel better, having shared my opinion on the matter.

Sunday was, as usual, pretty slow. The dealer floor was easier to navigate, but sparsely populated by dealers and their wares. I attended three panels:

1. The Tick (on DVD August 29th)
2. Cartoon Voices II
3. Robot Rumble 2006 (Crow and Tom Servo of MST3K fame arose victorious, over the likes of V.I.K.I, from Small Wonder)

By late Sunday morning, Con really begins to wear out its welcome. One is tired, over stimulated and on edge (people really jostle you around on the dealer floor). This year, I'm comfortable leaving... as the horror of the Evil Project From Hell no longer linger over my head at home.

I can't wait to get back to my own bed. And large screen TV.

SQL> Select Balance From Account Where User = 'Literary Alchemist';

ICC2006: Friday, July 21st

2006-07-21T09:44:00.000-05:00

I have a rather unfortunate schedule staring at me, today. There are actually four panels at the same time that I would like to attend, at one point.

1a. Blank Label Comics
1b. Family Guy
Seeing as I'm a bit disappointed with Family Guy, this season, I think I'll hit up the Blank Label panel. The guys seemed pretty cool at their booth, yesterday. I like several of the comics. And I feel guilty that I promised I'd start reading Starslip Crisis, last summer, and forgot about it.

2. NOTHING FOR AN HOUR (seems to be a pattern this year).

3a. Ray Harryhausen
3b. Cartoon Network
I think I'm going to leave the Harryhausen panel early to hit up a CN panel. Just because I'm not horribly interested in "She".

4a. Clickwheel Comics
4b. DC Comics: JLA/JLU/JSA
4c. DVD Sneak Peak
4d. Sci Fi: Battlestar Galactica
Con planners: This is the most evil, unequitable and unfair lineup you've ever thrown at me. Given that Cartoon Network saw fit to jumble the JLU schedule so much, this year, that no one could follow it, I'm not going to get my hopes up for JSA in '06-'07. So I can skip that panel. Clickwheel interests me, because there's a number of comics I'd like to subscribe to podcasts for. But the effort needs to evolve more. Feedback and questions there would really interest me. Galactica will just be a fanboy exercise, as always. And I can probably live without it. There are hardly any new revelations in those panels. I love DVD Sneak Peak. I've gone four years running. Unfortunately, this year sucked so much for movies, there's really nothing new to look forward to. Though it would be interesting to hear about library entries being pressed.

5. NOTHING four TWO HOURS. Yeesh.

6. Halo Graphic Novel.
WOOOHOOO!

7. DC: 52: A year in the life of the DC Universe.
Might be interesting. But it interferes with dinner. I'll have to see if I really want to attend this panel.

8a. Spike and Mike's sick and twisted.
8b. Worst Cartoons Ever.
Every year we discuss going to Spike and Mike. We've never gone.
Worst cartoons ever seems interesting. But it's rather late.

We'll see. Time to get ready to head down for breakfast.

Comic Con: Day 1

2006-07-21T00:40:00.000-05:00

Wow, I did a lot of damage, today, to my checking account:

1. 3 copies of the Halo Graphic Novel.
2. 2 Con exclusive VF1S figures. They're pretty cool. I almost want one of my own.
3. 1 Con exclusive Prototype TIE Interceptor (gold)
4. 2 Con exclusive white Multiplayer Elites.
5. 2 autographed PVP books.
6. 1 autographed copy of "The greatest comic book in the universe"
7. Assorted other motley odds and ends I don't completely recall off the top of my head.

I attended several panels:

1. "Myths for the Modern Age". This is an interesting concept, the Wold Newton universe of Philip Jose Farmer. Basically, it creates faux historical fact based upon the union of pop media with historical fact. The authors then create a manuscript based on the combination of this data.

The concept is actually intriguing, although unfortunately applied in a couple of the cases presented today. The panelists chose to present the material as making a presentation to a college class. This could have worked, if the presentors were more comfortable with public speaking. Unfortunately, the panel left me with a rather tepid feeling toward the material, because several of the panelists simply weren't prepared to present this material.

I think I would have liked to see it presented in the format of a press conference, wherein the presentors seeded the audience with individuals highly familiar with the material. Those individuals would act as journalists, asking prepared questions. The entire presentation would be delivered as an extensive Q&A presentation and would encourage more interaction from the audience.

Long story short, if you're interested in some of the older legendary characters in classic fiction, this series *might* interest you. It's worth examining at Wold Newton.

2. Geek Monthly / Cinemafantastique. This was disappointing. Of course, I didn't read the panel description beforehand, so my disappointment is unjustified. In short, I was hoping the panel would focus on the Geek Monthly periodical. Perhaps some of its contributors and coming articles. It turned out to be Robert Mayer Burnett's annual "upcoming films teasers and trailers presentation". Which really isn't bad, it just wasn't what I expected.

3. Batman Golden / Silver Age. This was pretty cool stuff. A number of the artists who did ghost work on Batman during the early years spoke of their experiences. It was interesting to hear them tell their tales of working with Bob Kane.

4. Animaniacs / Pinky and the Brain. What can I say? This is the third or forth time I've attended a panel with the voice actors from these series. The great thing this year, is that they were able to announce the release of DVDs presenting these series. The best news is the DVDs will be in stores next Tuesday, July 25th. [sweet].

5. I tried to go to the Future Prime "Top 10 Sci Fi Films of the Century", but got locked out. Apparently the convention organizers didn't anticipate the potential popularity of this panel and scheduled it for a TINY meeting room. Oh well. Perhaps I'll find a recap somewhere.

That's pretty much it. We had dinner at the really great little Italian kitchen where we enjoyed some great pizzas, last year. Unfortunately, I once again do not recall its name. I'll have to find that tomorrow and post it for folks who might be in the San Diego area. Some good stuff, there.

I need to download and post the pictures I took, too.

ICC2006: Thursday, July 20th

2006-07-20T10:11:00.000-05:00

Comic Con programming begins in earnest today. I only have a few panels to attend:

1. Myths
2. Geek Monthly (Maybe)
3. Batman
4. Sergio & Mark Show (should be good stuff)
5. Pinky & The Brain and Animaniacs (a DVD announcement, maybe?!)
6. Top 10 Science Fiction flicks of the 20th Century (could be real lame, we'll see)

I still need to locate exclusives for some friends and a few other things. But I'm not anticipating too much trouble with a few of them. I managed to get by the Red versus Blue booth, last night. I got an autographed copy of Season 4, a Trocadero CD (sweeeeeet) and their Con exclusive TShirt. Cool stuff, man!

It's time to head down to our friends' hotel to meet up for breakfast!

I ain't got a chance...

2006-07-12T00:34:00.000-05:00

...tonight proved expectation can be reality.

However. Reality still can't be expectation.

Fortunately, this particular TV show is cool.

When my time comes, I want it to be like Frederic Arthur (Fred) Clark

2006-07-11T09:03:00.000-05:00

Fred Clark, as his friends apparently knew him, passed this week. I have no clue who he was. I don't know his family. I wouldn't know anything about him, if he didn't have a rather intriguing obituary:

Here's Fred's Obit

I like Fred's honesty. No, I freakin' admire it. When I pass on, I want my obituary to be this honest. I certainly hope that I folks won't have to say that I excelled at mediocrity... rather... I hope they say something along the lines of "He excelled at being who he was." Or, something philosophical like that.

Fred, I'll hoist a cold one in your honor! Thanks for being so forthright.

Dead Man's Chest

2006-07-08T23:05:00.000-05:00

I ventured over to the Drafthouse, this afternoon, for a matinee of "Pirates of the Caribean: Dead Man's Chest". Good stuff, for the most art. I enjoyed the dialogue, once again. However, I felt, as have many critics, that Captain Jack was a little too scarce, this go around. In his place, the filmmakers felt the need to gorge their audience with an excess of special effects.

That's too bad, the finest selling point of the original film was its capacity to stand on its own. Without all the glitz.

1. What little we got of Captain Jack was, once again, great. I do think Depp was entitled to chew the scenery just a little bit more.

2. Cannibals. Cannibals are cool. In pirate movies. I don't want them living next door, or anything, but I certainly want to see them in my pirate movies.

3. I actually got to like Davy Jones. I was a bit put off by the look of the character, initially. He just felt too... over the top. But, after seeing Bill Nighy use the character to create such a strange speech pattern, was kinda cool.

That being said. I hated the ending. What an utter disappointment. I'm not referring to the inevitable cliffhanger. I'm referring to the absolutely unresolved storylines and the cheesy comic book character reveal in the moments before the credits.

Way to dumb things down, guys.

... on your mark ...

2006-07-06T20:33:00.000-05:00

... Today begins the final stages of preparing for Comic Con International 2006. Hard to believe this will be my fifth venture out to San Diego for the ultimate Geekend. Kinda cool, huh?

If you don't think so, you're reading the wrong blog, my friend.

Thursday's schedule was released, today. I guess they're going to release the weekend's schedule, one day at a time, through this Sunday. Kind of odd, I don't recall this pattern, in the past. But, it's quite possible things were meted out to us in such a manner. I'm old and forgetful, afterall.

I'm starting to get pretty excited about seeing the gang again. Steve and Lee, in particular. For some reason we seem to have the most in common and set similar paces out there. That's quite fine by me, good company on vacation is the stuff.

I haven't laid out, exactly, what I'll be doing, this year. But, my absolute musts include:

1. Anything, everything and all things Bungie. Goshdarnit to heck, they're going to be there, so I'm going to show as much Bungie support as I can. Rabid fanboy stalker stylee. Including their panel.

2. I need to pick up several DVDs and hopefully a Trocadero CD from the Rooster Teeth dudes.

3. My plans to put as much anti-New-Star-Wars propaganda on the floor Thursday seem to have fallen by the wayside. I need to see if I can get a grassroots thing going here, next year. Maybe I should get :rose: involved in some sort of viral campaign. Since he's, like, studying them and stuff for work, now.

I'll have to go through this schedule again in more detail. Nothing really jumps out at me on Thursday. They just released Friday and the morning looks dismal. WTF?

SQL> Select strTrackName From tbl_Music Where strPlaylist = 'Active';

2006-06-30T23:04:00.000-05:00

What's playing, these days:
1. High Violets: To Where You Are (album) - discovered today @
3hive.
2. Garbage: Bleed Like Me (album) - iTunes.
3. Elnea: "MJOLNIR's Child" (track) - posted weeks ago at HBO, downloaded today; love the lyrics and her voice.
4. Brian Hempel: "Dragonfly" (track) - Seventh Column Contest.
5. Lemon Demon: "Telekinesis" / "Word Disassociation" (tracks) - from the cats that brought us "The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny".
6. Jimi Hendrix: "All Along the Watchtower" (track) - from my CD collection.
7. Weird Al Yankovich: "Dare to be Stupid" (track) - iTunes, for some reason, it felt important to download this week.
8. The Cardigans: "My Favorite Game" (track) - iTunes, this makes driving fun.
9. Trocadero: "Blood Gulch Blues" (track) - from the cats who perform the Red vs. Blue theme, I got this one from the Halouvre.
10. Martin O'Donnell: "Mombassa Suite" (track) - from my CD collection.
11. Randy Edelman: "Pickett's Charge" (track) - from my CD collection.
12. Sarah McLachlan: "Time" (track) - from my CD collection.
13. Holst: "The Planets, Op. 32 - 1. Mars, The Bringer of War" (track) - from my CD collection.
14. Martin O'Donnell: "Earth City" (track) - from my CD collection.
15. Martin O'Donnell: "Truth and Reconciliation Suite" (track) - from my CD collection.
16. The Von Bondies: "C'mon, C'mon" (track) - iTunes

Superman Returned

2006-06-30T22:34:00.000-05:00

I made my regular pilgrimage to Alamo Drafthouse, on Tuesday, to catch my weekly Screen 8 Fare (everything I've gone to see on Tuesday evening has been on Screen 8, I've grown attached to it, I think I'm just going to start asking for a ticket to whatever's in Screen 8). Fortunately, this week, the showing turned out to be Bryan Singer's Superman Returns. I'm hardly what could pass for a Superman fan. Rather, I prefer the Dark Knight, quite a bit more. Superman has always seemed too easy, too simple, too predictable, too self righteous.

However, there's something captivating about Superman. If there weren't, the character would've fallen by the wayside. Perhaps fading into obscurity, like Captain America. Or folly, like Aquaman. Instead, the virtue that makes him so basic, the integrity that makes him so noble and the strength that makes him so admirable have been mainstays of heroic fantasy for almost seventy years.

Somehow all of Superman's traits were ignored, in the 1980's, in favor of box office receipts. The plots of the third and fourth movies were so clunky and dated, they were meaningless by the time revenue began to return on them.

Fortunately, there has been a trend for the better, lately, in heroic cinema. Batman has been repaired and Spiderman has proven more insightful than many Oscar nominees. XMen appeared to be following the trend, but, well, Brett Ratner. I can't say more than that.

That being said, Singer has helmed Superman Returns with a careful devotion, which has been the center of a great deal of optimism and criticism. Given the overall simplicity of any Superman story, it doesn't seem fair to rebuke efforts toward a creative, timeless and fantastical attempt. I'm at a loss, therefore, to understand some of the harsh words used to describe this flick. My feedback is more basic, I think. Very simply, I felt:

1. Kevin Spacey was an excellent choice for the Lex Luthor role. He has the capacity and ability to play a villain of this caliber with little more than printed word. I genuinely hoped that he'd be afforded the screen time to consume himself with the role, to demonstrate that obscenely off-kilter nature so consistent with his most profound characters. Alas, it was not to be. While he was afforded memorable moments as one of the most entertaining villains of all time, those moments were cut far too short. One can only hope that a follow up is in the works, where Spacey's reins aren't held quite so tight.

2. The final 10-15 minutes were nearly interminable. It is only fair to mention that I had to excuse myself to the men's room before I died. However, the movie didn't seem to want to wrap itself up, once all was returned to right.

On the whole, the movie worked quite well. Brandon Routh and Kevin Spacey are more than capable of adopting their mantles, here. Each of them nearly channelling their predecessors. Kate Bosworth fit Lois Lane far better than Margo Kidder ever could have. She was less a stubborn damsel in distress and more a capable foil to Superman's righteous persona. Most importantly, James Marsden (again, with precious little screen time) engaged a new element to the story that took the film beyond what any other had done. He has interfered with the romantic dynamic between Lois and Superman in such a way that Superman cannot interfere. It would contrary to his personality and detrimental to the character as a whole. Simply because one cannot help but like Marsden's character.

I hope the same attention to detail will accompany any followups. Most importantly, I hope the studios respect Singer's efforts to make this film more than just a summer blockbuster and take every step necessary to avoid replacing him with the likes of Brett Ratner. Ever again.

SQL> Select HeroFlicks From tbl_Movies Where Stars = 5;

Nachos Grande Libre Pain

2006-06-20T10:22:00.000-05:00

Mild stomach pain, that's why I've avoided movie theater nachos all my life. Ugh.

I went to Alamo Drafthouse to see Nacho Libre and ordered the matinee special nachos and beer. The nachos sucked and the beer was only "ok".

Unfortunately, the same can be said for the movie. The first thirty minutes were pretty entertaining, lots of good gags. Surprisingly few of them were potty humor, which really pleased me. Everything went downhill after that, though. The rest of the flick lost all the early spark and charm and just sorta droned on and on and on until the credits started to roll.

I thought the crazy Super Luchadore Hero stuff from the 50's that ran before the movie was funnier. Of course, that was Heckler Vision at its finest, I mean, he was subduing criminals in a long sequined cape in poorly dubbed English.

Oh well, I got it out of my system.

Sorta leaves me with nothing to go see over there tonight. I guess that was stupid of me. Oh well. I'll find something to do tonight.

SQL> Select Fiber From FruitsAndVegetables Where IAteCheapCheese = True;

Pulpular Media

2006-06-13T21:48:00.000-05:00

Cars

Cars was great. I'm not sure what the bad reviews were about. Perhaps the lousy critics are trying to be the first to find a flaw in Pixar's methods. Personally, I think they need to get bent.

Cars wasn't nearly as meaningful as prior Pixar films. Nor was it as endearing. But it was a perfect escape, with a great story, beautiful imagery and a lot of fun. All of the references to their past were excellent, the humor bright and decidedly adult in many places and each over the top moment perfect.

I can't think of a reason not to purchase a copy on DVD.

Take that, critics who admired filth like "War of the Worlds".

Yesterday I pointed out Penny and Aggie, a great little webcomic. I've spent some more time on Keenspot in the last twenty-four hours and decided that Two Lumps and Count Your Sheep are great too.

'Lumps reminds me entirely too much of the goings on at my mother's house. Right down to the fact that, for years, I referred to two of her cats as Lump and Loaf (inspired by Ren and Stimpy). The collective personalities of mom's cats more than remind me of Eben and Snooch. Eben reminds me of a number of mom's cats. Snooch, on the other hand, can pretty much be pinned upon two... the original Loaf and the Clueless Wonder. Either of which has perpetrated many similar horrors upon the household. When you find the time, go check it out.

Count Your Sheep is a charming look on life that reminds me, in some ways, of Calvin and Hobbes. I really enjoy its simplicity, honestly and artwork.

Demographics

2006-06-12T14:10:00.000-05:00

As a 30 year old male, I'm more than likely quite outside the intended demographic of this webcomic. All the same, I think it's charming, well written and well drawn. So, there, market analyst man.

I have no clue if the creators intend it to be a biting indictment of teenage rivalries, social development or the geek inheriting the earth. It's not my place to interpret their purpose. However, from my own little perspective, it's quite the send up and somewhat reassuring that my people are gaining some prominence and respect.

Spend some time visiting Penny and Aggie, when you get a chance. It's great stuff. Kudos, once again, to Scott Kurtz of PVPOnline for helping me find great stuff!

SQL> Select Title From WebComics Where Value = 'Unmeasured';

... movies ...

2006-06-09T16:35:00.000-05:00

Yeah. Again.

Really.

I just watched "Napoleon Dynamite" again. I have it on DVD. You see that part, Spielberg, Lucas and every other big name special effects director in Hollywood? I won't buy YOUR movies, but I'll buy "Napoleon Dynamite". There isn't one special effect in this flick. Even the time machine.

But I'll buy it.

Go find something worthy of my time.

SQL> Select * From Movies Where Charm = 'Simplicity';

X-Men III The Last Bland

2006-05-30T21:34:00.000-05:00

*meh*

Elements of this film were great, but the key pieces necessary to deliver an excellent story were glossed over from nearly start to finish.

They should've let Bryan Singer finish Superman and then pay him whatever he wanted to return to X-Men. There were some great elements throughout, but not enough to hold everything together nearly as well as the first two films. It was basically a series of "moments" strung together by a parade of fanboy favorites.

Avoiding spoilers, I'll say that it lacked conviction.

"I didn't not cheat in no way"

2006-05-22T23:07:00.000-05:00

Or, something. Usually, Bungie's mailbag is fun to read. The fact that they took the time to answer so many questions about the Halo 3 trailer was pretty cool.

This, on the other hand is just painful to read. Not only are these people stupid... they seem to want someone else (Bungie) to be aware of the degree of their density.

For the record: I was a beta tester for XBox Live. I've been a member of the Live community for nearly four years, now. The community standards are pretty freakin' apparent. To make claims along the lines of "I didn't know I could be banned for..." are outlandish to say the least.

These turkeys with multiple accounts couldn't make their intent more apparent. On the forums I help moderate we simply ban people who create multiple accounts without justification or explanation. XBL should adopt a similar policy. Why someone needs more than one gamertag is beyond me.

I've had the same 'tag since October, 2002. I've taken my XBox to numerous LAN parties and friends' homes to show off XBL. In every instance I've used my four year old 'tag. I have never needed another one. The only reason for a second 'tag, in my humble opinion, is a backup when you're trying to sneak around the system.

SQL> Delete From GamerTags Where Cheater = True;

What do Slumbering Lungfish Eat?

2006-05-22T17:05:00.000-05:00

So, this is pretty cool to see. From what I gather, this will be Lore's first visit to Comic Con. Guy's gonna go out of his mind, with all the stuff he sees there (maybe I can recruit him for my anti-Lucasfilm propaganda campaign in the LucasArts pavillion! Perhaps I should actually put some organizational effort behind that!). I dropped him an email, behaving all the pathetic, bootlicking fanboy that I am, looking for a chance to at least shake his hand. Maybe I should get off my ass and get his book so I can at least look legitimate and ask for an autograph ;-).

Hopefully he'll have the time to drop by our regular pre-dinner-gathering-spot to say "Hello!" and shake my quivering, sweaty hand!

In other news, this year's schedule isn't out yet. Dagnabbit. I must know when /if Richard Taylor will be presenting anything regarding the Halo movie!

IT decided that my workstation needed to be relocated, on Friday. Things were still a mess, today. My power-user profile wasn't configured properly and I spent 2.5 hours, this morning, crippled as a result. Although that was corrected, I still can't configure my AS400 ODBC connectivity. They've promised to go ahead and move my PC, afterall, but seem to be taking their time doing so. Murphy's Law, in this instance, dictates that all the efforts I currently need to complete, require that I retrieve data from the AS400. Yay.

SQL> Select NewWorkstations From Building Where PreviousOwner <> 'FILTHY SLOB';

Delta Blog

2006-05-16T00:10:00.000-05:00

I made a few changes to the 'blog, tonight. I've done nothing major, but, I did make a few changes to my links section. I removed my 'blogging teammates, mostly because one hasn't posted in over six months and the other really only created his blog as a means to tell us of his time in Iraq. I also removed the "Links that are bigger than me" because, well, the sites I had posted there don't mean much to me, right now. Just, personal differences with some of them. I changed the link section names, not that anyone would notice that.

I added a silly description a few days ago and might change that. I don't know if I like it. I also added the MyGeoSpots banner, which I found through a link through a link at thirty one flavors. Or something. I'm going to keep an eye on it for a while, I have no idea if there's any traffic here and I don't like their banner much. If things don't really blossom on that map, I'm going to take it down.

There's a lot going on at HBO, these days. Some great speculation (some very intriguing content produced by Steven Loftus today, I love his work), thoughts, interpretations and concepts.

I got my "One One Se7en" / HBO / E3'06 tshirt today. It's pretty slick, good tshirt with an outrageously sized representation of One One Se7en's helmet, which I think is great. Can't wait to wear this one at 'Con.

We had a decent enough time at the field, yesterday, despite the low turnout. Nothing terribly exciting or annoying happened.

Things went well at the office, today. Got some solid changes to a report format set up and I started working on something new, using the same data from that report. Hoping to wrap it up tomorrow.

I'm starting to do more and more work on our UNIX server, although I'm still not taking full advantage of its capabilities. Or mine, for that matter. I need to remind myself to contact the guys in charge of the box to find out when we'll get DB2 facilities available for SAS queries. I'm really looking forward to CRONing some of the queries I need to run in our C/O system.

And that reminds me that I still need to order my "Children of the CRON" Tshirt from Jinx.

SQL> Select TShirts From tblGeekClothing Where SloganType = 'Really Bad Pun';

If you got questions...

2006-05-15T20:11:00.000-05:00

...Ninja got answers!

It is important that you remember that. This ninja, he is very helpful.

OMG! This maniac has a PODCAST too! Go find it in iTunes and grab it! What a nut!

AHAHAHAH This one, is my favorite:

Quicktime Format
WMV Format

"Give him something black... Giving a ninja something black is like giving crazy to Angelina Jolie. It's like giving guns to Master Chief. It's like giving Dolly Parton boobs. We've already got plenty."

[awesome]

SQL> Select PajamaAssassin From tbl_StabbyGuys Where WeaponOfChoice = 'Shuriken';

What's an Opus and I'm a Geek

2006-05-11T23:36:00.000-05:00

My management team was in town this week for some "off site meetings". Basically, that means the meetings bring people from numerous sites to a single site for a series of discussions. In this case "off site" was "on site" for me. But, I digress.

Shortly after lunch, today, my current Ober Manager (manager's boss) stopped by my desk to see how things have been going, how my tools are working for me, etc. Basically just an attempt to see how my morale is, how satisfied I am with my job/work and the applications I utilize on a daily basis to get things done. The company buzzword (right now) for this is "wellness check". I hate company buzzwords. I try not to use them. Someone else used a stupid buzzword, later in the day: "actionable feedback". I think that just means "this is feedback I can use to improve myself". But, we can't just say that, now can we? Nope. Not in today's world of corporate doublespeak. But, again, I've digressed.

Anyway, when the Ober Manager sat down, I was listening to my iPod as I worked my way through a series of queries to support a report I've been trying to stabilize for several months. As is the custom, he inquired about my iPod:

"What are you listening to?"
"Oh, I've just got it on shuffle, right now."
"Huh?"
"Shuffle, it's just randomly playing songs."
"Oh, I don't have one of those things, so I don't know the lingo."

It's not that hard, I guess, but, hey, he's not a geek, technodick or whatever you want to say. I suppose one could say he's not young and hip, but I don't think that's fair, either. I simply think he doesn't grok the gadgets that make geeks excited. That's fine with me.

It was the next part of the conversation that kinda wrinkled my shirt:

"So what song is it playing, right now?"
"The Neptune Opus of Holst's 'The Planets'."
"The Planets? What the hell? What are you listening to?"
"It's a symphony, classical music, 'The Planets'."
"I have no idea what you're talking about."

I know I'm a geek, I freely acknowledge it. I have the tshirt. I've acknowledged that. I love being me and I've taken a long time coming to grips with who I am. But, man, don't bash on me because I like classical music, too. Everyone should be familiar with many of the great symphonies, orchestras, operas, etc. of the world. This is a dying artform, stifled more and more, everyday, by digitally fabricated noise.

May the best musician win. Seriously.

SQL> Select '*.mp3' From tbl_Symphonies Where Composer = 'Tchaikovsky';

What happens to me in May...

2006-05-11T21:41:00.000-05:00

...It's pretty simple, actually. I start thirsting for Comic Con. I buy my airline ticket... complete my registration... start pounding the Comic Con Website on a regular basis, hoping to find that the year's schedule has been released. I start organizing all of my geektacular stuff (BTW, if you're a Halo geek, look at me shill-whore - Thanks MB! - my front page post on HBO).

This week really gets things going for me, because of E3. Ramp that up a certain insane factor thanks to the Halo 3 announcement on Tuesday and I'm just out of control.

Things got started when :rose: sent me a link to a Microsoft Press Conference summary written by Lore Fitzgerald Sjoberg. This cat used to write for The Brunching Shuttlecocks, which has been defunct for several years now. I miss their work immensely, particularly The Self Made Critic. After tearing through the link :rose: forwarded, I saw Lore's name and thought "Damn, that sounded like Lore [mouthfulofcrazynorwegianletters] from Brunching Shuttlecocks... I wonder if it's the same dude..." I did some research and lo and behold, it sure as hell was! Right on! But wait, what's this... he has a blog, too! Sweet! You can find a link to The Slumbering Lungfish in my "Bloggish Links" in the nav panel to the right. Cool, huh?

But that's not all! Look what else you get, folks! Well, "geek folks", probably the only types who bother with this insane rant space I've created on the web.

I finally remembered, tonight, that I need to rip Ultraman is Airwolf, for my iPod listening enjoyment and our Comic Con Geektacular Media Frenzy. I wasn't very surprised to discover that iTunes didn't recognize any of Ernie's track info... so... I cranked up his site to get the track listing information for iTunes and then did some more poking around. Come to find out, he's got a blog too (why was I surprised, stupid me). His updates to Synapses appear to be somewhat infrequent. But, there's some cool kit, there, wherein he links a couple TV spots he did for GameTap TV.

If you're familiar with Ernie, I think you'll get a kick out of seeing him in a dark arcade reading some of his poetry slam. He made mention that the spots might air, sometime, on [adult swim]... here's wishing him the best of luck! I look forward to seeing the man spout his stuff on one of my favorite program sessions!

More geek to come as Con gets closer!

SQL> Select InsaneMedia From tblGreatSatirists Where Coolness = 9.9*10^23;

Other Halo News

2006-05-10T09:02:00.000-05:00

This is too cool for words. To say nothing of the fact that, of course, I'm going to Comic Con. I hope I don't get skunked, like I did last year!

Check me out!

2006-05-10T08:54:00.000-05:00

I got me a few minutes of fame on HBO, today, thanks to the big news out of E3, yesterday! Another forum poster (Rachda) inspired an interesting thought and I wrote something up on it. Yay me!

If you're a Halo geek (not just a player) check it out here

Halo 3

2006-05-09T18:42:00.000-05:00

Bungie 'fesses up.

Not a surprise, really. But, for those of us who enjoy this storyline, it's refreshing news.

The content in the news item has been enabled and is interesting (the FAQ is the best part, typical Bungie context).

It'd be great if the title releases on 1/1/7, but I won't get my hopes up. Odds are 11/7 will be the release date. Oh well.

Common Courtesy

2006-05-08T18:46:00.000-05:00

1. Are you in the car? Are you driving? Are you the only one on the road? I know many of you fools believe that you are, that your mommies told you you're very special, but you are not the only person on the road. Are you on the cell phone? Well, hang up, dammit. There's other people trying to drive too!

2. Are you at the grocery store? Are you the person being served at the deli? You know, where someone has to ask you about what you're interested in? If so, HANG UP THE PHONE! You're being rude. The people behind the counter cannot help you and you're holding up the line, jerk!

3. Are you at the grocery store? Are you at the self serve express check out? Are you still on the goddamned phone? HANG UP! First off all, it's an express check out line. Second, it's self server. Nothing about talking on the phone while trying to ring up your own products is FAST, which is the point of the express check out. HANG UP THE PHONE, because, YOU'RE HOLDING UP THE LINE. If you want to talk on the phone, go stand in one of the regular lines, you jerk!

SQL> Select CellPlans Where GroceryStoreService = False;

117 > 1138

2006-05-04T17:56:00.000-05:00

Yup.

What A Backstabbing Cockbite(tm RvB)

2006-05-04T16:06:00.000-05:00

I hate you, George Lucas.

I hate your marketing divions, George Lucas.

I hate your lies, George Lucas.

I hate the way you've released The Trilogy on DVD, George Lucas.

I hate what you did to Han Solo, George Lucas.

I hate 'Jedi Rocks', George Lucas.

I hate the freakin' prequels, George Lucas.

I hate Jar Jar Binks, George Lucas.

I hate the fall of the Jedi, George Lucas.

But more than anything I hate your backstabbing, cockbite ass, George Lucas.

I've got it better than many, including the greatest of Lucas's insulters (Scott Kurtz, may your opinions on The Dark One light our way forever!). I refrained from buying those filthy DVDs, a couple years ago, because of the content. I'm still not keen on purchasing DVDs that contain this... filth. This filthy vile, affront to The Trilogy.

But. I'll have the OE's.

But they're a bonus feature. HOW ON FREAKING EARTH IS THE ORIGINAL VERSION OF A FILM A "bonus feature"?! The original version IS THE FEATURE!

ARGH

HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY

2006-04-27T08:46:00.000-05:00

Stimpy Stylee, complete with stupid tear filled goo goo eyes face: [joy]

My Halo 2: Volume 2 CD arrived, yesterday, with only a pittance of thanks to the Unreliable Parcel Service. These people have a better scam going than insurance companies. They never bothered to update the tracking info online, schmucks.

Regardless, CD in hand, I jaunted to my PC and immediately ripped it and downloaded it to my trusty iPod (the database/reporting freak in me wants to run some ratios on the volume of Halo related music [26+17+12+3+57, including an incomplete supplement from Marty O'Donnell and numerous fan tracks I've not yet cleaned up] to overall volume on iPod) and set the iPod aside to charge. I then fired up the CD in my stereo, full blast (screw the tool who lives behind me, with no taste in music or video games, BTW).

Listening to music in the main living area inspires me to clean. And clean I did. For at least two full cycles of the CD. I dusted off every single thing in and around my entertainment center, reorganized my DVDs (not a monumental task, given the DB freak level in me... I've a DB set up to resort and organize them for me a number of ways).

The Volume 1 CD was great:
I love Peril. 99% of the time I start that CD up, I start with Peril. Something about the way it feels bears forth more of the game than I can really describe. Not to mention, it's different and the pizzacato play is absolutely counter to everything done in the hip hop tracks.

In Amber Clad really capitalizes on the inclusion of Steve Vai on the efforts for this score and works within its own context beautifully. There's something powerful and direct about that track, it just invokes Miranda Keyes's personality (yes, I'm that geek).

The Last Spartan is also an inspiring track. Has been since the day it was used for the E3 teaser as early as 2003, I believe, I'll have to do some fact checking on that. Again, we received a piece that perfectly invokes the Master Chief's personality.

Heavy Price Paid is a sad and lonely piece. Also one of my favorites, it invokes a funeral dirge. Unfortunately, I'm not sure for whom.

Earth City rapidly became my second favorite track on the Volume 1 CD. Again, used to great extent in pre-release material, it comprised nearly all of the game play demo shown at E3 in 2004. It's a wonderful track for an FPS game and does great things for moving gameplay and feeling the spirit of the story, overall.

Several of the other tracks are quite memorable as well, however, these represent those that I prefer the most. Unfortunately, a significant portion of Halo 2 has been missing from my collection. Specificaly, some of the sweeping stories and arcs that form portions of the Arbiter's story. I assume this was because the Volume 1 CD was released prior to the game and Bungie didn't want this surprise revealed. Halo's Devils, Monsters track would have definitely spoiled that story's surprise, had the soundtrack been released prior to the game. Listeners with a keen ear for leit motif would've presumed that the sound of Devils, Monsters wasn't allusion for the Covenant, rather, something different.

Enter the suites on Volume 2, that have been absent for 18 months. Only Bungie and/or Marty O'Donnell can specifically explain the delays. Though, as they say, timing is everything (*coughE3isaroundthecornercough*). Is this release designed to put Halo back at the forefront of our gaming queues?

Hint to Bungie: Wasn't necessary for some of us, even if we don't play on Live all the time. I spent no less than 6 hours, last week, playing Halo and Halo 2 campaigns (for the kiddies with no responsibilities, I work 40 hours per week, minimum).

Either way, only time will tell as we approach and get through E3 (friends of mine from NC Soft are going, I have to figure out how to talk them into hitting Bungie's pavillion to score me some intel).

But, I digrees. My intent was to discuss Halo 2: Volume 2.

Which, apparently, I'll do some other time. Right now I'm up to my Halo in insanity...

Things That Suck

2006-04-25T12:00:00.000-05:00

1. Best Buy and all of its ilk. Where's my Halo 2: Volume 2 soundtrack CD, you lousy freaks?! Not. Going. To. Stock. It. I'll show you!

I don't know how I'll show you, yet. But I'll show you. Something.

2. Modern filmmakers. Have you losers (filmmakers) noticed that Best Buy and its ilk now stock television show DVD's BEFORE movies? Have you seen this Spielberg, you HG Wells robbing HACK!!!

The American public now thinks so little of the utter waste you foist on us each week, that we'd rather puchase copies of The A-Team before copies of (excuse me while I vomit in my trash can) War of the Worlds: Special Stupid Spielberg Schlock.

It's a travesty, I tell you. Special effects do not a story make. What happened to the creativity? Go away. Stay out of our movie theaters. Do something more constructive with your lives.

Volume 2!

2006-03-22T15:19:00.000-06:00

For a little over a year, now, I've been dying to get my hands on the Halo 2 soundtrack's second volume. Details on its release have been few and far between, which is odd, considering how popular the first two compilations were. Regardless, the time has come, the date announced and finally the tracks!

You can find them via this convenient story on HBO.

I'm pleased to see that this volume has been arranged neatly into suites, applicable to the portion of the game in which they were heard. And gone are the less than desireable pseudo-rock-group tracks that were included in the first volume.

I grew to like the Breaking Benjamin track... but... man... the others never even got close to my iPod. Sorry Hoobastank and Nile Rogers, I just didn't care for them at all. The tone, feel and texture just don't fit into the same context as Marty O'Donnell's works.

SQL> Select CD From Amazon Where Title = "Halo 2 Soundtrack - Volume 2";

One Busy Weekend Down...

2006-03-20T09:34:00.000-06:00

...a few more to go.

Much family commitment coming up this weekend, since Mom's coming back from Orlando. Then another casual wedding the following Friday, hobby work in Austin the day after. Then some business in Dallas, followed by a class in Delaware (yes, again). I think, once that's over, I'm done for a little while. Of course, I still need to look into visiting Orlando and setting things up for Comic-Con, this year. YAY VACATION!

Anyway, why does everyone want to do everything in March or April? Can't a brother get some May or June activities (not really, I'm kidding, now).

:rose: got married on Saturday evening. Boy was that a breeze. The 'speeches' were longer than the ceremony. Heck, I think it took longer for the bride's sister and I to sign the marriage certificate, than the JP spoke. Anyway, it was all good. Everyone had a blast (well, I think they did). I needed a whole day to recover, though.

I pulled something at the dojo Saturday morning. I'm not sure what. I experienced a bit of a snicker snack, whilst dodging a vorpal blade. It doesn't really hurt, unless I extend my knee through the tender spot. Kinda weird.

The new Dr. Who is worth watching, so far. I dig the guy playing the Doctor. He adds a slightly geek-evil nature to the role. Hopefully things won't turn sour.

SQL> Select * From Schedule Where DownTime > 12 hours;

Aikido

2006-03-17T09:38:00.000-06:00

So, I've been a bit lax in my search for a new dojo (*coughthreeyearscough*), but have finally met with success. I joined Alamo City Aikido, last night. Yay me.

I've been trying to reconcile why I feel so comfortable there, given how poorly things ended in my last round of studies. So far, I keep coming up with the following:

1. Energy. There's a very positive energy at the dojo. Practice seems less of an obligation and more an event. This makes Lit happy.

2. Community. Everything at my last dojo was run by one person. Things are vastly different at ACA. The group is not for profit, its sensei is not the president and there are several additional instructors. Not to mention, I was welcomed and introduced to the group, last night. Which is at odds with how my previous instructor began new students.

3. Self Paced. Advancement seems less of a focus. In a word, advancement hasn't been explained to me. Whereas, previously, it was a nightly discussion.

Anyway, I'm hoping to get myself conditioned again with stretching and working out. It really felt great a few years ago. While I'm out of sorts, right now, I do feel better than I have all year. With more sessions available to me, per week, I should be getting into good shape before the end of the year.

SQL> Select * From Drafts Where Irish = True;

What the hell are we afraid of?

2006-03-13T16:27:00.000-06:00

On the way home from Austin, yesterday, I stopped in at my mother's house. While there, I had lunch with my brother and his girlfriend. After we ate, my brother was goofing around, pretending to let one of the cats outside. His girlfriend flipped out and actually said, "Bird flu is on its way!"

What the hell are we afraid of, here? The reported number of deaths as a result of the recent avian flu 'pandemic', worldwide, is 80. Let me repeat that:

80
Eighty
8 * 10

That volume as a rate of the estimated, current global population, represents 0.0000012%. Not even a whole percent.

This is not an epidemic. More people have died from AIDS in the first quarter of 2006 than this silly media hyped frenzy. We survived bubonic plague, for crying out loud. Which, might I add, killed more than eighty people daily.

Birds have always been known carriers for disease and other infirmities. But, because some overwraught publisher, somewhere, seeks to make an easy buck off the gullible masses, 'avian flu' is now the greatest worry on the media-planet.

Anyone remember SARS? Neither do I. Shut up and go outside, dammit. If you're gonna die, you're gonna die. It's your time. Make peace with what you do, whenever you do it. Because there's one thing that's certain in life:

You can't beat mother nature.

SQL> Select * From GlobalPopulation Where ImNotDeadYet <> StupidHype;

"The old man's still quite an artist with the Thompson..."

2006-03-13T09:06:00.000-06:00

Well, not me. But, I did get to shoot a Thompson on Saturday. I went to a tactical carbine match with some friends, you see. This, if you've never done it, is a great stress relief. One becomes so focused on safety and problem solving, that pretty much everything else that's happened recently dissolves.

The stages we ran were everything from plain simple (peek around board, shoot one target six times, reload, shoot second target six times) to rather complex (surrounded up close by unpleasantness or rescue an injured buddy).

By the time the match was over, I was rather tired and immensely hungry. A few of the folks who participated with us went home with quite a sunburn. I'm fortunate that my heritage is just very visible today.

We solved immense hunger by visiting an all you can eat BBQ restaurant. Fatigue was solved by watching DVD's all night and working on AEG's.

SQL> Select * From Ammo Where 45ACP = True;

Odds and Ends

2006-03-09T13:17:00.000-06:00

I'm contending with a very slow Oracle server today. I don't get it. What's the point of database servers if they're going to travel at the speed of snail? Bloody thing couldn't make the convenience store run in less than twenty four hours. Nevermind the Kessel run.

I still have a lot of peanut butter, jelly and milk at home. This pleases me. Particularly since I'm very hungry right now and refuse to leave my desk until the Slowass Query Latently sitting around finishes.

I ordered something from Hong Kong last week, that turned out to be manufactured by a company in my hometown. How much does that suck?

I just noticed that Good Earth tea company (whatever they're called) puts quotations on the tabs attached to each tea serving. Wish I'd noticed that sooner, it would've given me something interesting to ponder at an earlier time.

Gonna go visit a new dojo in town, tonight. Well, hopefully tonight (looking at slow ass query again). I hope it doesn't suck.

I don't know why my rent check hasn't cleared yet. Usually my complex presents those things about three seconds after we drop them off.

SQL> Select RandomMusings From tblThoughts Where ItCameUpBecauseIWasBored = True;

More Stabbiness

2006-03-08T15:06:00.000-06:00

1. REPLY ALL : Take it the fuck away! Worst. Email. Feature. Ever. [/chanel comic book guy]

You fucking dolt! First off, you're a week late. Second, the entire distribution list doesn't need to share you astronomically uncultured and ludicrous thought on someone's promotion.

2. MS Excel Pivot Tables : I have always and will always hate these things. I would like to see them burninate in a furious conflagration worthy of the big bang.

SQL> Select * From Contempt Where Stabbiness = ReallyHighNumber;

)#(%&)(&#!@()*&^%#

2006-03-08T13:32:00.000-06:00

1. To the wannabe database developers: +, -, /, *, #, @ and various other symbols on the keyboard are reserved words, goddammit. Stop using them in field names, variables and output headers!

2. To the wannabe database developers: The space character turns fieldnames and variables into an unmanageable mess of SQL syntax. Stop putting that shit in your field names! They teach this at your stinkin' DBA classes for crying out loud!

3. To the wannabe database developers: Stop putting shit in the coffee! I know it's you!

4. To the wannabe database developers: I know you like pretty fluffy names, after all, you're apparently more user than you are programmer. But, really, use the same damned names in your schema structures. Again, this is taught at your stinkin' DBA classes. Freakshow.

5. To the post office: It's a bar code. Scan it. Seriously. Little laser thing. Point it at the black stripes and wait for the beep. What the hell is so time consuming about that?!

6. To Apple: iPod. Thank you for keeping the peace. This is about the only thing not pissing me off today.

7. To everyone else: STOP POUNDING ON MY CUBICLE WALLS! I'M ALL STABBY TODAY!

SQL> Select * From Everyone Where PissingMeOff=True;

The Blahscars Were Last Night

2006-03-06T10:02:00.000-06:00

As is typical of the mindless, wholly uninspired and entirely dull "artists" of Hollywood, Jon Stewart's humor last night, appears to have gone over like a lead balloon.

These people should be ashamed of themselves. Desperately, every year, they strive to make some sort of magnificent statement that criticizes those who don't share their 'beliefs' concerning the world around them. Yet, they are hardly willing to face such hard criticism of their own lifestyles. Oh and by no means can they clearly state their own reasons for believing the way they do. Simply reiterating someone else's point of view is "satisfactory", insofar as a celebrity is concerned.

I've grown weary of what passes for creativity and broad perspectives amongst the dullards who fill that auditorium every year.

I enjoy what Eric Lundergaard has to say about "Crash". Hollywood has yet to really recognize a compelling handling of any form of racism.

Frankly, among the candidates for worst-high-profile-motion-picture-released-in-2005, I suspect the top contenders really were "Capote" and "Brokeback Mountain". That something as transparent as "Crash" probably did merit a snub. A concoction as uninspired as "Good Night, and Good Luck" deserved a consolation prize. While the latest Spielberg-distorts-history-as-he-sees-fit-mega-drama deserves a place on my action-DVDs shelf.

I'm pleased that Philip Seymour Hoffman was recognized for Capote. From what I've seen of both films, he had to put a little more work into bringing a character to life, than did Heath Ledger. Granted, Heath Ledger's performance was admirable, given his personal denial of circumstances, need for caution and merited fear. Great work, but the range didn't really span the breadth of Philip Seymour Hoffman's. Ledger may have his day, though, some time in the future.

I was torn when it came to the best actress category. Reece Witherspoon seemed to put some effort into her role, but it looked kinda cheesy to me. Of course, so did Felicity Huffman. Whose character looked so over-the-top it seemed unnecessary for someone with talent to spend time reprising the role. Oh well.

SQL> Select MeanSpirited From tblHosts Where TheDeathOfOscar = True;

How did I live this long without...

2006-01-26T06:01:00.000-06:00

...an iPod...

After waffling a bit in the Apple store, the other day, I nabbed a 30GB iPod. The video flavor. The Nano was cool and all, but too small and hard for me to use the way I'd like.

So, for two days I've been loading this thing with anything I can find. I'm actually cursing the networks for not making available more of my favorite shows for download. I'm travelling on business, this week, you see. Can't a brother get some Scrubs, CSI, NCIS and Earl?! Networks, do you hear me?! Do my geeky bidding! I geek command you!

Anyway, that being said, I'm already addicted to the new device and can't wait to find ways to push the limits of its features on a daily basis.

SQL> Select * From WakeupCalls Where EasternStandardTime = 'Too Freaking Early';

Dutch 508 Returns From Iraq; Cleans Boots to Get Through Customs

2006-01-13T12:25:00.000-06:00

It's good to know my teammate is back from Iraq this week. I know his family and all of his friends (as weird as we may be) are glad that he's back home safely. Except for that whole last patrol thing.

If you don't mind a soldier's perspective on things, his blog is here. I'm not sure just how long he'll continue to update it. I think his intent was really to only keep up with it while he was in the dirt.

I'm not sure why they had to clean their boots in Maine. But, knowing what I know of Maine (and my experience there *is* limited), they are kind of. . . well . . . "odd".

SQL> Select Friends From Iraq Where Tour = 'Complete';

Yet Another Geektacular Weekend

2006-01-09T09:29:00.000-06:00

In some sad news, my mother ruined the ending of Serenity for my brother. I'm not sure what she was thinking, but she told him something serious. And that sucks.

Now, the good news.

If you're not watching Battlestar Gallactica, well, you're probably not a geek. If you are watching BSG and missed it on Friday, for the sake of all that's great in the world, find another time, TiVo or iTunes. The series is getting pretty tense, I really like where it's going. Friday's ending had me on the edge of my seat, salivating for the conclusion of Pegasus's appearance. I don't want to ruin it for anyone :)

I finally managed to go see The Lion, The Witch And the Wardrobe, this weekend. I was fairly impressed and pleased that it wasn't watered down for today's "politically correct" masses. Tilda Swinton is one evil bwitch!

Things I liked:

1. The little girl who played Lucy was perfectly cast. I saw, or read, recently that she was not allowed to set eyes on any of the Narnia sets until they were rolling film. The director really wanted to capture her wonder and awe at what she was seeing. Good thinking, because it worked like a charm.

She stole every scene she was in and deserved it.

2. The CGI animation was perfect. Not too much and not everywhere (LUCAS!). What needed to be CGI, was CGI, what didn't need to be CGI wasn't. The animals, in particular, were most convincing.

3. The end battle. Yes, it was an "epic battle", but it wasn't the focal point of the conclusion, nor was it so over done and lengthy that we forgot all the other wonders presented to us throughout the film.

Things I didn't like:

1. The boy cast as Peter. What a simpering little drip. He wasn't at all what I have, for twenty-something years, envisioned Peter to be.

2. Aslan. I can't put my finger on it, but, I didn't like the CGI for the Lion. Something felt wrong. There was also that little bit of ever so important suspense surrounding his death that was utterly lacking. I mean, really, he's resurrected five minutes later, gives Lucy and Susan a quick explanation and it's off to the battle? bleh.

3. The Professor's beard. Way too cliche and totally out of period/character for the battle of Britain.

That's that.

SQL> Select * From Weekends Where Awesome = True;

My Orchestra Teachers Were Too Mean for This

2006-01-04T09:17:00.000-06:00

With the exception of one Mrs. Hinze. She used to parade up and down the auditorium's aisles ordering us to "...imagine a massive, and I mean fat Russian queen and her entourage parading down the streets!" I'd like to think she would have allowed us to play the Truth and Reconciliation Suite, had it existed in 19uhhh nevermind that part.

That being said, I think it's pretty damned cool that there are some teachers/conductors out there, today, with minds sufficiently open to allow music from Halo to be played at their performances. Particularly considering the choice was suggested by a gasp student. Most of my instructors were miersable primadonnas who consistently failed to meet the standards of our local symphony and projected their frustration upon us.

So, here's to the students and to the teachers giving geeks more and more credibility by the day!

I originally found this information, today, on HBO:

High School Band RAWKS

SQL> Select LastName, FirstName From tbl_Teachers Where ClassValue <> 'Suck!';

Once More Into the Breech!

2006-01-03T17:51:00.000-06:00

Of a new year, anyway.

Fortunately, I survived the stress I induced upon myself regarding my friend's wedding. Don't get me wrong, there were problems to solve. Quite a few, really. But, on the whole, everything went well and I'm glad they're happy with how the weekend went.

The ceremony and reception were something of a forced sacrifice for many of us. The bride really wanted a glamorous New Year's Eve Party (black tie affair). Thus, she chose to use the reception to get all of her friends in the same place at the same time to do so. This had annoyed me, immensely, leading up to the event. Particularly as more and more year-end parties began to surface. Not many people really want to spend New Year's eve in a tiny town, with extremely strict laws regarding the sale and transportation of spirits.

As I look back, though, I have no regrets. I made quite a few new friends, this weekend, all of them great. I also got to know several folks far better than opportunities had allowed me, in the past.

So, when I consider the inquiry "Do you regret how you spent your New Year's Eve?", posed frequently in the last few days, I'm quite comfortable saying "Nope, not in the least." To respond any other way would imply that I don't care for anyone I met, or their invitations to spend more time together, in the future.

So, I'm glad I got over myself for the weekend and shared this momentous occassion with my friends.

When it's all said and done, though, I feel some odd need to recall all the little things we resolved to keep the bride and groom in a peaceful state of mind:

1. Ring inspections: Satisfying the bride that the wedding bands made it to the venue and were ready for the ceremony.

2. Wardrobe Malfunctions: There were far more of these, than any other wedding I've ever attended. Of course, I've never attended or participated in a wedding with specialized apparel needs. Specifically, several members of the groom's party wore USAF Mess Dress and we did our best to match their uniforms.

Malfunctions included:
a. One missing tuxedo shirt (groom's). Resolved by the loan of a groomsman's mess dress shirt.
b. One pair of woefully mismatched shoes. Resolved by a visit to the local mall.
c. One unruly undergarment. I received this news third hand, so it's not 100% reliable. It was resolved using pins.
d. The resolution of 2.c. resulted in some blood on the most important garment. I thought the repair was stunning, as I never noticed any sort of stains on the garment.
e. One dearly departed zipper. Resovled by sewing a bridesmaid into her dress.

3. There were some oversights, on the hotel's part, insofar as preparing things for the event.

Most noteable was their attempt to use plastic champagne cups. Really, if you're going to offer ballrooms and other facilities for weddings, you shouldn't even attempt to use plastic anything.

Second was their choice to set the tables with wrinkled tablecloths. Another really silly thing to do. The wedding planner and I discussed this in the afternoon and prayed the bride would not notice it. As luck would have it, she didn't. Or she chose not to mention it. Upon returning from the salon, she inspected the room. During a phone call afterwards, she told me she'd looked in on everything and was "...very happy...", which was undoubtedly the first time anyone had heard such a thing from her all weekend. Really, my friend's wife isn't an unhappy or miserable person, she's just a rabid stickler for details and obsesses about all the small things. That she was finally able to relax and get on with her own preparations was great.

I'm really one happy geek, though. The entire affair was handled with astonishing aplomb and grace by friends and family. Dare I say it? That they're damned lucky to have friends as great as we are? Yes, I think I can get away with it once or twice in my life!

SQL> Select * From Weddings Where Date < Date();

It's like evil sweet-tarts or something

2005-12-28T00:35:00.000-06:00

Negativ Steve sent this link over, today. Apparently, this little flash animation has been floating around for a while, but we're just now getting to it. Check out the video and come back :)

The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny, for some reason, reminds me of Ultraman is Airwolf. It's just this great geek-pop-something-or-other-that-doesn't-make-sense. This is a catchy tune with some fun animation. I enjoyed it so much, I've been digging around The Lemon Demon site tonight, looking for more of their songs. It looks like their CDs are jammed packed with atrocious geeky goodness. This pleases Lit. Time to make some post-Holiday purchases. I need some new tunes for the office, ya know?

Check their stuff out and if you like it, snag your own copy.

I need more music like this. If you're a crazy geek musician, speak up!

Now, this is a holiday special I can appreciate!

2005-11-22T09:10:00.000-06:00

At last! The Great Prophet of Disdain has his own Christmas Special. That's right, folks, Denis Leary finally gets to let loose on all of you cheer mongers. I say it's a long time coming. I can only hope the real Grinch will make an appearance.

Cry merry and let slip the contempt!

SQL> Select * From ComedyCentralListings Where Appeal="Freakin' Bad Ass";

No, I'm not "...all ready for the )(&^)(&@)#$(^!@()^%)(*&#$ holidays..." !!!!

2005-11-21T14:56:00.000-06:00

STOP ASKING THIS QUESTION! What is WRONG with you people?! This is one of the most grating post 10/31 icebreakers in the history of... well... anyfreakingthing!

1. Do you really care, if I'm ready for the holidays?
2. Do you really want to hear me express my disdain for all the commercial, superflous fluff scattered around and so ridiculously admired?
3. Do you really want me to just roll my eyes and tune you out while you drone on and on and on about how wonderful this will be or how fabulous that will be?

Get over it, people. I don't like the holidays and I don't want to talk about it. I certainly don't want to defend my position on the matter to someone I'll never see or speak to again in my lifetime. So don't get up on your mighty horse and call me a freakin' scrooge. It wasn't your business to begin with, nor is it any more your business when I tell you I could give a discarded candy wrapper about it.

The next doughhead who poses this inquiry to me, will likely be trying to wash down their Rudolph the Inedbriated Reindeer's jingle bell socks with their Christmas tree water. Because I'm going to stuff the goddamned things down their throat!

Not everyone likes the holidays, dammit! We keep that to ourselves! Why don't you keep your dicontent with my personal feelings to yourself as well. If you don't ask me, I don't have to tell you.

More Movies

2005-10-31T09:06:00.000-06:00

After such a lengthy hiatus from movie going, I choose to return to a weekly venture rounded out by... hold steady... Saw II and That Other Zorro Movie

Saw II was easily the squirmiest thing I've ever seen in a theater. But, I didn't see Jaws in a theater. The opening scene was the only time I've ever actually closed my eyes at a movie. For good reason though. Anyone who knows me can attest to my inability to allow simple eye drops into my eyes. This scene played on every aspect of that aversion. On the whole, I can say the movie was "o.k.". But, I haven't seen the first one and don't particularly care for fare such as this.

That Other Zorro Movie was awful. Don't waste your time or money. Members of my family are obligated to see Zorro on television and in film for reasons known only to us. I wish I'd stayed home. Zorro wasn't about saving the world or even just the United States, people. He certainly wasn't indirectly involved with the American Civil War. Horrid. Horrid. Horrid. Zorro the Gay Blade did the overall story more justice than this tripe.

The good news is:

1. Harry Potter IV shall be released soon. It's sure to be an enjoyable romp through a world that doesn't exist. Children need more fantasy and escape, as far as I'm concerned.

2. Likewise The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe will follow shortly thereafter. Yes, Lewis's stories are frequently allegory for Christianity, but I didn't read them that way when I was a child, nor did I hear them that way when they were read to me. They were simply a story of a wonderful place where children could be heroes. And that is what imagination is all about.

3. Finally King Kong. Peter Jackson is the man. At least, we hope he stays the man and doesn't become George "I'll Sell Out For Any Buck" Lucas or Stephen "I'm the Greatest Director Ever So I Can Change Any Writer's Story To My Heart's Content" Spielberg. But, I digress. King Kong looks impressive. Surprisingly, Jack Black seems to be walking into the film director's role quite well, without playing "himself". And Naomi Watts actually seems to suit the leading lady's role a bit better even than Faye Wray did. Blasphemy, I know. But, it just seems to work so well.

Granted, Jackson has an entire warehouse full of computers capable of more stunning effects than the original. But, his choice to be faithful to the setting and time of the original is simply awesome.

SQL> Select * From Movies Where Suck = False;

The Pitter Patter...

2005-10-28T17:40:00.000-05:00

My teammate and his wife welcomed their second child at 0219, this morning. Miranda Ivy will leave the hospital this weekend and we're all looking forward to meeting her. Congratulations Agro and AgroGirl on AgroGirl V2.0!!!!

SQL> Select * From Mom Where Birthday <= Date( );

"DOOM"

2005-10-24T08:57:00.000-05:00

Somebody's got a lot of explaining to do.

The game and it's 'plot' are very simple:

You're a Marine. You're stationed on Mars. Something goes wrong. Hell literally breaks loose. Everyone else becomes hellspawn. Here's a gun. Shoot a lot of stuff.

No one expected anything more than this from the movie. Really. We didn't have high expectations. We didn't want or need plot or character development. Much less the weak ass excuse for what was happening. We just wanted to see a lot of horrible looking things get shot. A lot. And then some more.

Let me just emphasize this point "a lot". Just do everything a lot.

Granted, the one thing I felt needed to happen, did happen. At the very end. Not at the beginning, like it should have happened, dammit. And it involved the obligatory lame ass hand to hand fight. BLAH.

GUNS

It's simple. Very simple. DOOM is credited with creating the "Big Fucking Gun". What more do we need?! Just shoot a lot of stuff a lot with a lot of cool guns!

*grrrrr*

SQL> Select Guns From PlotDevices Where Volume = 1,000,000,000;

The Greatest Generation and I

2005-10-19T08:19:00.000-05:00

My great-uncle George was the type of uncle, no matter the generation, every kid should have in their adolescence. Along with my other uncles, he managed to lighten and liven things up during family gatherings. He told jokes, ruffled our hair, let us watch television late, all while aiding and abetting our myriad delinquencies (cookie smuggling).

I remember him best as the family's chocolate-icing-bandit. It was a simple ploy, actually, nothing very clever, unique or, quite honestly, fresh. See, there's a gene in my family that compells many of us to flop chocolate cake on its side and eat the cake out from in between the icing with extreme care. Given our gene for obsessive compulsion, this becomes a very pains taking task, in which we ensure the icing does not collapse on itself and that all the cake is neatly picked away from the icing. Doing so leaves a carefully crafted "F" of sorts on your plate.

There are those, however, who did not receive this gene. My brother, who was known to shovel entire cakes into his maw, did not receive it. Nor did great-uncle George.

George would sit patiently at the dinner table watching my other uncles and those of us with the gene complete our task. Then, quite simply, he'd go for the lamest distraction technique known to man:

"Look! A dead bird flying!"

That's right, a dead bird flying. D-E-A-D dead. Croaked. Shuffled its mortal coil. No longer with us. Incapable of flight. Corpse. Worm food.

My uncle always looked in the direction indicated by George's left index finger. And without hesitation, George's right hand and fork always swooped down to the dupe's plate, scooped up the icing and delivered it to his mouth before said dupe discovered his fateful error. I'm not sure why my uncle let him get away with this silly trick so many times. Maybe he was just being kind. Maybe he was the witting straightman to George's comedy routine. I don't think I'll ever know.

The other thing I really know about my great-uncle George is that he fought in World War II. The story of his service has never been very clear to me. I know that he fought in the Pacific theater. I know that he was severely injured in the left hand. But I know little else. I was simply too young to be very aware of what he had done. I never asked him any questions, mostly because I didn't know what to ask.

He passed away thirteen years ago.

It wasn't until last week, that I fully appreciated the breadth of who this man was. I had the good fortune to meet a gentleman who had served with the famed Easy Company of the 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment. Being more familiar, now, with veterans, his modesty and humility seemed commonplace. But what really struck me was when we discussed how fame for Easy Company may be diminishing the sacrifices and great deeds of others from The Greatest Generation. Be they in the war, at home or after the war.

Grasping that I know so very little about my own family, contrasted by how much I know of a man I spoke with for two hours. For that reason, I write today of George and not the man I met at Baltimore Washington International.

Thank you for everything you did for us, George.

An Open Letter, to an Old Friend...

2005-10-07T08:54:00.000-05:00

Dear Cyberdemon,

We've known each other quite some time, haven't we? I thought we had some great times in The Tower of Babel as well as in Tricks and Traps. You've always proven a worthy adversary, if not an intimidating one.

I'm sure you've been doing well, over the years. What with your ability to remanifest yourself in numerous and sundry realms or dimensions. How are the kids doing? They seemed in good spirit last night, when my fellow Marine and I decided to pay ya'll a visit.

We thought it very gracious of you to experiment with us, while we tested the new weapons the UAC has provided. That was quite a surprise. You see, we travelled down a lift, inside the Mars mines. At the bottom, we found a room filled to the brim with UAC weaponry and ammunition. Imagine our surprise, at this bounty from the corporation. Usually the suits are so stingy, when providing for those of us not in their direct employ. My counterpart was a bit suspicious of their motives, but I knew exactly what to expect.

I said, "We're going to visit our old friend! The Cyberdemon! Wow, I haven't seen him, since, well, since I played DOOM 2 last weekend!" I was elated. The thought of spending some time with such a good old friend was tremendous.

I do recall, however, you predilection for rough housing, so I spent a moment checking the status of each of the UAC provisions. I wanted to make sure I was prepared for a pleasant bout with you. Pleasant, indeed. Your new home has a great view and the fireplace was really cozy! Things had gotten so chilly on Mars, it was wonderful to warm up by the fire.

The children were excited to see us, that's fore sure. I really got a kick out of them, clambering up the chimney like that! You should be proud, they're really taking after you!

I hope you had as much fun as we did. I'm sorry the dimensional rift, by which you'd entered our continuum, was sealed up when we were done rough housing. You're such a clever demon, though, I have no doubt you'll need little time to find a new means by which to visit!

Say "Hello!" to the Spidermastermind for me. I hope she's doing well. I haven't seen her since ya'll married!

See ya in hell,

LiteraryAlchemist

Monsters from the id...

2005-10-04T23:10:00.000-05:00

...software anyway.

I cranked up cooperative DOOM 3 for the first time tonight on XBox Live. Now here's a different experience. Not only was it kinda cool to have some help in the game - "I'll keep my flashlight on, you blow the hell out of anything it lights up." - but it was odd playing with someone who thinks DOOM is properly referred to as "Classic Doom" and doesn't understand that DOOM 2 was a sequel released shortly after the original game, utilizing the same engine. heh. I felt old. Anyway, the guy who joined my game (call him "Night", gamertag edited to protect the innocent) was a pretty cool kid. No trash talking, no bashing me for wanting to play coop and he was pretty patient with my old ass.

Shortly after I picked up the rocket launcher (dumb luck, that), we started to hear something that sounded vaguely familiar. An odd sort of moaning, grunting roar. As we listened to it, the following conversation took place (I'll paraphrase):

:Night: "Dude, do you hear that?"

:Lit: "Yeah. And it sounds familiar."

:Night: "What do you mean?"

:Lit: "Sounds like a Chet."

:Night: "A Chet? What's that?"

[we're slowly and I do mean slowly picking our way through a series of narrow corridors at this point]

:Lit: "I'm not really sure how to describe him and I can't recall the proper name. Most of the names I use for the foul creatures in DOOM are the nicknames I used for them in game play back in the day. Like calling the Pinky Demon a Pink Meanie. Anyway, Chet was this big thing with a pair of cannons or something that spat high speed trios of unpleasantness at you. They're big, bulky and ugly. Have you seen Weird Science?"

:Night: "Yeah."

:Lit: "Remember when Lisa turned Chet into that thing at the end when he swallowed the bug?"

:Night: "Yeah."

:Lit: "The creature that sounded like this in DOOM looked like Chet. Hence, the name."

[About this point, we come into a large corridor with pillars in it, which looks painfully familiar... it reminds me of the level Dead Simple in DOOM 2, more moaning]

:Night: "Whoa, what is that?!"

[He's getting pummeled by a Chet, as I round a corner]

:Lit: "Yeah. Chet." [rocket, rocket, rocket, rocket, rocket, lousy thing dies]

:Night: "What was that thing?"

[I can hear another one]

:Lit: "Definitely a Chet. I'll look up the name for you. I hate those things. They pretty much have to be beat down with a plasma rifle, rocket launcher or double barrelled shotgun." [I'm eating crow as I destroy the second one with my chaingun]

:Night: "Ugh."

:Lit: "Yeah, I never liked them, either."

As we left the courtyard full of Chets, he asked me what I thought the toughest demon in the game is. Without hesitation, I replied "Cyberdemon".

:Night: "What's a Cyberdemon?"

:Lit: "Pretty much the worst thing you can imagine. Big bastard. He fills up a room when he's in it. Got ugly horns, the face from hell... no pun intended... a rocket launcher on one arm and a robotic leg. He flings rockets like there's no tomorrow, basically killing you in a heartbeat. You'll know you're about to encounter one by the sound he makes pacing around." [I then proceeded to imitated the mechanical hum and thump of the monster's left leg, followed by the thump of his "natural" right leg.]

:Night: "Oh. Ok."

I was annoyed with myself, because I forgot Chet's proper name, so I looked it up... There's a monster roster on Planet DOOM. Chet is the Mancubus about halfway down.

When it's all said and done, I had a good time. I look forward to playing some more DOOM 3 coop soon. Now, if I can just find some shells for the shotgun...

SQL> Select * From tblAmmoCrate Where Type = 'Shotgun';

And I was excited about that movie I went to twice last weekend...

2005-10-04T12:52:00.000-05:00

Wow. Just wow.

News about stuff

2005-10-04T09:00:00.000-05:00

In personal news...

I have to go to Maryland next week, for business. My boss would like my team and I to be more proficient on a system we've not yet been able to practice with. That's cool, I guess. I'm just not a big fan of driving in the great frozen north (yeah, I said it ya'll, anything north of Austin is the great frozen north, IMO). It'll be cool to meet my coworkers and get some good pointers from the gang (coding in a silo is somewhat impractical). My flight departing SA is at O-Dark-Thirty, of course. I seem incapable of finding a flight at any time which doesn't necessitate massive amounts of caffeine. Oh well. I sleep well on airliners.

Next up, :rose: asked me to be his notreallyabestmanbutnotjustamoronholdingonto ringsathisnot soveryformalweddingceremonyattheranchinmarch I'll have to find a way to shorten that. It was fun to type, once.

Anyway. He said something to the effect of "I'm probably going to wear jeans and a Guayabera," which means it "is" formal dress, for those of us of the pseudo-Spanish persuasion. He also said I could wear whatever I want... so... I'm gonna order this TShirt from a custom shop:

Front: "Always a groomsman, never a groom..."
Back: "THANK GOD!"

That would be too cruel, even for me. I think I'll just get a nice Guayabera, too. But I'll wear the TShirt to the rehearsal dinner!

Anyway... There's some other stuff I want to get on the blog today... but I've got my hands full. Maybe later.

SQL> Select * From Weddings Where LiteraryAlchemist <> Groom;

When did my generation become the old people?

2005-09-27T10:30:00.000-05:00

I'm sure you've heard it a lot, lately, too. It's bandied about on the airwaves and on television. You'll hear someone mention it in conversation from time to time. Often you'll mention it to someone talking about regular programming. I heard it twice on the radio this morning, during my very brief drive to work.

From the perspective of most people I know, between my age and fifty or so, it's something of a statement of contempt. A lingering frustration with a glorious new media that burned itself out in the first fifteen, or so, years it existed. In some ways it is a cry of desperation "What happened to my youth?!" or "What happened to this thing which used to be so, so anti-establishment?!"

I can't imagine how it sounds to today's younger generations. You know, the kids who grew up watching thirty to sixty minute shows. "Yeah, shut up old man," or "Dude, I'm sick of hearing all you old people talk about that."

Do they believe us? Can they possibly conceive of it? Or do they simply perceive us as the old fuddy-duddies whining about "...the good ole days..."? I bet they think that I walked to school every day. Up hill. Both ways. In four feet of snow. And that I used to have to fend off grizzly bears with my loose leaf notebook.

My revelation this morning, simply is this: we're really approaching the age in which a generation will absolutely not believe that MTV, in its youth, actually ran music videos. I can just picture some kid telling me "Prove it!"

That's just too weird for me.

In other news:

1. I ordered a belt two weeks ago and it has not yet arrived. This distresses me.2. Serenity still comes out this Friday.

3. I left my corporate card at home again, today, and I'm supposed to book travel arrangements to Maryland for 10/10 through 10/12.

4. I also left my badge at home (again) and had to go back for it.

5. I still left my corporate card at home after turning around to get my badge.

6. I keep forgetting to deal with my new lease paperwork. I have, oh, one day to do so.

7. How do we feel about the DOOM movie, fellow geeks? Frankly, I think The Rock is gonna turn into a zombie bad guy. That'll be all "Steven Seagall gets sucked out of the airplane cool". He is Sarge, afterall.

I hereby declare: GEEK WEEK!

2005-09-26T09:16:00.000-05:00

Yes, that's right, fine readers. Tis geek week. No more shall geek week be recognized in the last ten days of May. George Lucas has fallen from his pillar of geeky righteousness and Joss Whedon has stepped forward to claim the throne. Yes. It is true. Serenity shall open in wide release this Friday and the world shall be right.

Thus, order your homage to the great master. Don it for your Serenity party on Friday night. And scoff at the one who once was.

I'm freakin' excited, man.

SQL> Select * From tblGeekMovies Where GeekCool <> 'Suck Like Crapisodes I-III';

In other news, we went to the Dodging Duck, yesterday. Alas, the beers currently on tap were something of a disappointment. Entirely too sweet on the front end for my tastes and they all tasted nearly identical. I'd like to venture out there again, however, in cooler times to sit on the patio and perhaps try a different brew. They do deserve that much effort.

Finally, I'm really digging on listening to the MechWarrior II soundtracks this morning. It's freakin' great. I loved this music. I'm awed, a bit, how much some of it sounds like Rainbow 6 and Ghost Recon. I'll need to see if the same composer worked on all the projects.

Another Update from the Lit is a Geek Department

2005-09-24T17:41:00.000-05:00

I just spent an hour downloading the MechWarrior II soundtrack, in its entirety, in MP3 format. I so can't wait to play it at work!

Get it here

HEY! Another update!

2005-09-23T22:51:00.000-05:00

I'm blogging this...

Am I abusing my blog, yet? hee hee

STOP! FOAMY TIME! I haven't checked out the new Foamies yet. I'm told I need to do so. I'm doing so, now.

Beer induced venom...

2005-09-23T22:29:00.000-05:00

1. With regard to my earlier post about that media outlet I hate. Let it be known, officially, henceforth, forever and eternity:

I shall not, at any time, for any reason, link, redirect, or suggest that you visit that site.

Also, for the record, let it be known that I feel thus:

May the fleas of a thousand rabid camels infest the crotch of your Victoria's Secret thong for a thousand years, mister media outlet I detest with all my soul!

2. Alien Resurrection is on. I'm sending instant messages to :rose: as I type this. He pointed that movie out to me...

:rose: : one of the alien movies is on TBS
literaryalchemist: It's the BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD one.
:rose: : I never saw it
literaryalchemist: Oh god.
literaryalchemist: Watch it and commit suicide.
literaryalchemist: Then I won't have to go to your wedding.

That was mean. I suppose. Maybe. But, oh well. It's still frackin' funny. I'm not sure I'm comfortable cussing on someone else's webspace. Yet. Let's see how I feel in five more beers...

3. Why is it: whenever I go to the convenience store, there's some dimwit in front of me trying to open a trust fund via lotto tickets?

This is no longer convenient
Lotto is not a retirement plan
No matter what the marketers say
All I want is my goddamned beer

4. The chick from the parallel universe on Stargate: Atlantis reminds me of Ali Larter. And we all know what that means, now, don't we?

5. Brigade Quartermasters charges too freakin' much money for shipping and they take entirely too long to deliver products. This really chaps my ass considering they're the only means by which I can purchase an Under Armour tactical stretch fit cap. At least, for the time being.

6. Thanks to :rose: this has put my "spewing" into persepctive. See how I snuck that in? Isn't it great?
SQL> Select * From tblStuffToPickon Where Mood = 'Stabby';

...stay tuned, next, for a Sci Fi Friday special message...

2005-09-23T22:02:00.000-05:00

Man, I just freakin' knew it! I freakin' hate cliffhangers. Immensely. The last time I felt like this after a cliffhanger was in 2002... for... yeah... you guessed it... Firefly. At least in this case, I know when the cliffhanger ends. Noteably, this is the first time "the next season" of a show has been announced right after the cliffhanger episode, that's right "New episodes of Sci Fi Friday will air in January, 2006". Ok. That's only three months away. It's not so bad. I kinda dig the cycle and at least I don't feel betrayed for months on end waiting to see what happens next. And, hey, if the cycle repeats as it did this year, perhaps next summer's Sci Fi Friday will host another premier show at Comic Con. That'll be cool, right? Right?! Yeah. After I have to wait three months to see how the situation with that wacko bitch Caine gets resolved.

Is it me, or is this a little too much like Star Trek: The Next Generation, in which every Admiral who ever appeared was a psycho hosebeast bent on wanton destruction?

Oh. By the way. The last time this really sucked so much, Firefly got cancelled without so much as a notification to the fans. Thanks, Fox, you can kiss my ass, too. Sci Fi rules, you drool. They've at least reassured me for three more months. NYAH!

:rose: just pointed out my first comment... I need a beer... in fact... I need a six pack... goddammit... I'm getting drunk tonight!

SQL> Select Impatience From tblNewEpisodes Where WaitTime = 220;

Add to the list of bad ideas...

2005-09-23T20:40:00.000-05:00

The Sandlot 2

What the HELL is this? This straight to video debacle, nay horror, is currently airing on ABC Family or some such nonsense (they should have their FAA license revoked). How do you make a sequel to the 1993 classic? Apparently, it's easier than I would have expected. I guess you dupe some dumbass producer and distributer in Hollywood with your "original" script. This piece of crap is simply a retelling of the original story. Only, it's set in 1972; the dog is referred to as "The Great Fear", and the story of his background is no where near as plausible or terrifying (the new fence is "plaid"); and the new "baseball" is a girl's father's mockup of the Space Shuttle. Only, it's 1972 and the freakin' external fuel tank appears orange in color. Which wasn't the case until the third shuttle mission when NASA discovered it was cheaper and lighter not to paint the tank's foam. This allowed the orange color, to which we're now accustomed, to remain visible.

The ultimate sin, though, is the fact that I can now hear James Earl Jones on the movie. Ugh. Joss Whedon is my master now. Joss Whedon is my master now. Joss Whedon is my master now.

HOLY CRAP! IT EVEN ENDS THE SAME WAY! "Over the years I stayed in touch with the gang and I learned that so and so did such and such and who'sy whatsits became a this and that."

GRRRRRRR... show some creativity, Hollywood!

One last bit of venom spewing. I hate "ain't it cool news". I always have. I always will. And no matter how much I like Firefly and look forward to Serenity, I absolutely will not endure that tub of lard, just to see the movie early, alongside cast members. bleh

It's Friday...

2005-09-23T09:27:00.000-05:00

And that means GREEK BUFFET! I don't know why this still excites me so much, four months after we discovered it. I guess I just dig a buffet in a kinda down home place. Especially one that serves pita bread in mass quantities.

Oh, and we're going to "Dodging Ducks" (if I find their website, I'll link it, but so far, I don't think they have one) on Sunday. It's a microbrewery in Boerne. My mother recently discovered it while meeting with a client. Sounds kinda cool. The prospect of a pubbish setting in the countryside appeals to me. I still seek, though, a "Green Dragon". Where I can eat fresh bread, cheese and beer. Much crockery must be involved. No one serves flagons of beer in crockery anymore. Which, alas, is very distressing to me.

I've a screening call at 1100 this morning. I'm thirty years old, now, and this still gives me the heebie jeebies. It freaks me out. But, thinking about it in excrutiating detail has given me an excuse to desperately cling to my youth. If, at thirty, I still freak out like I'm twenty, then I must still be young at heart. Right? Well, that's what I'm telling myself, anyway.

New on my list of cool things to observe every week...
"My name is Earl"
"Everybody Hates Chris"

Jason Lee seems very capable of "Earl". There's something believeable about him with that really screwed up hair, unshaven face, El Camino and, well, slower than molasses brother. The premise is, at least, refreshing and somewhat positive, given all the trend toward rehashing the same show over and over and over again (I like CSI, but, how many versions of it do we really need?).

I'm pretty sure this show was on NBC. But, I could be wrong. I don't pay attention to which network broadcasts which show. Hopefully, I'm correct. And hopefully that's the same network which airs "Scrubs". And, hopefully, they'll pair "Scrubs" up with "Earl". Because...

Alas, as "Earl" leaves the air, the abomination that is "The Office" is foisted upon the unobservant. How did this show manage to complete its first season?! Someone has seen fit to bring it back? Just because Mister Forty Year Old Virgin Man had a successful, albeit probably predictably unentertaining, movie this summer? Wake up, folks, this show sucks on an order of magnitude that can only be measured using scientific notation! It's not funny. It's insulting. The comic timing is dreadful. The setting lacks character (half of this week's episode was set in a Chili's, thank you for that product placement). And with the exception of the receptionist and the dude that has a crush on her, none of the cast or characters are appealing. These two characters manage to suffer through the show delivering the one (that's UNO, EIN, SINGLE, SOLITARY, ALONE, THERE ARE NO MORE) entertaining and/or humorous moment the writers managed to fart into each script.

Thank you, but no thanks. This show needs to be put out of my misery. Now. Before it airs again. Dilbert is funny. The BBC's "The Office" is terrific. But, just like that "Friends meets the highly successful UK version of itself and is translated (poorly) back into American", this show needed to die after the first episode was rammed down our throats!

Oh, and, for the record, "Friends" sucked on an order of magnitude only slightly lower than "The Office". I cringe in a way I cannot describe, every time I think of that retard who found a way to get himself cast in "Band of Brothers". Sir, you a horrible, whiny, turd of a performer. Please find some lackwit off-Broadway show to shackle yourself to, so I no longer have to endure your "performances".

Now that I've spewed venom for a few moments...

"Everybody Hates Chris" was just freakin' hilarious. I kept wanting to call my friends to remind them to watch, but just as I'd reach for the phone, it got too funny to dial.

This dude playing young master Rock's father is freakin' great. His delivery is perfect (though a little over used once or twice in the pilot) and there's something squirrely about his face. Honestly, is his eye naturally screwed up, or has he found a way to simply twist it out of place like that to make the character seem more ominous?!

I also found the woman playing his mother to be the perfect counter to him. There was something very charming about the way she was very stern with young Chris, yet still a mom who cared very much for her children. Likewise, the role reversal between the parents was terrific. It felt very much like home, to me.

In an era where everyone is making excuses for their behavior, blaming their upbringing, it's refreshing to see a comic as harsh as Chris Rock admit that he really had a great childhood.

On tap for films, right now...

This week: "A History of Violence". I admire Ed Harris and Viggo Mortensen. The story seems intriguing, has gotten good reviews. I'm intrigued by the character Harris has taken on. Gonna try to catch it tonight or tomorrow.

Next week, of course: "Serenity". Thank god Joss Whedon found a way to bring Firefly back to us. "Joss Whedon is my master, now"!!! George Lucas, behold your undoing!

Ok. Geek time.

Battlestar Galactica's second season ends tonight. The producer and writer told us, at Comic Con, that the Pegasus and Commander Caine would appear this season. Unfortunately, they're doing so right at the end of the season. Much cliffhanger action is predicted. I certainly hope I don't have to wait until NEXT JUNE for the conclusion of this story line.

hmmm

SQL> Select * From tblTVGuide Where WhinyActor = False And Humor = 'Intelligent';

Further proof of my geekiness...

2005-09-20T12:41:00.000-05:00

In case you needed further evidence. The JLoD is the brainchild of a good friend of mine.

This actually has nothing to do with my earlier post. Just an interesting coincidence.

Passing of a man... But not history.

2005-09-20T09:08:00.000-05:00

Simon Wiesenthal has passed. Was he a great man? Perhaps. I'm not sure. All I know is that he is someone I've long respected for his objectivity, perseverance and dignity.

Perhaps I'll write more of him later. For now, rest knowing that you have achieved your peace and that none shall forget, Simon Wiesenthal.

Yes, I'm a geek.

2005-09-19T16:09:00.000-05:00

I own the tshirt. If that's not proof enough, my desire to share this with my few readers should further establish my role in the socio-economic, uh, something.

This part is just for :rose: -- Pirates are better than ninja. Just accept it.

SQL> Select * From tblLegendaryCharacter Where Coolness > 1;

Who's Rules To Play By...

2005-09-19T14:51:00.000-05:00

I just finished reading a piece over on MSNBC.com, regarding how Mississippi officials have responded to securing their homes after Hurricane Katrina. They aren't complaining. They aren't whining for help. They're doing. Making decisions and standing by them.

In Gulfport, Mayor Brent Warr asked his police chief if someone confined in their jail could hotwire a fuel truck to resupply afflicted rescue vehicles and emergency generators. He identified a problem, considered the solutions and acted on them. Most importantly, he doesn't seem ashamed or afraid to own up to his actions and decisions.

This is accountability.

Should Mayor Warr be indicted and tried for theft? Technically, yes. He broke the law. However, given the circumstances and the fact that the fuel truck and load he procured is destined to be written off as a storm loss by the owner, why bother?

But when Lott asked a Harrison County sheriff how they were faring, the sheriff reported that he was worried about FEMA diverting supplies.

Lott told him, "If anyone from FEMA tries to confiscate anything, arrest them."

Why wasn't this going on in more places? What entitles FEMA to confiscate or divert anything arriving by private means? Should FEMAs representatives who confiscated and diverted private relief efforts be indicted and tried for obstruction of... what... community relief?

Perhaps?

I don't know. It seems to me they were doing as they were taught and as they were told. But they failed to apply the common sense necessary to save lives. Do we create a legal precedent for common sense because of Katrina? One disaster after another?

What happens if we start removing more government entities and start putting them in the hands of corporations? How long before things get out of control and rather than FEMA restricting supplies, capitalism does so?

The Rutans have proved that NASA's bureaucracy and inefficient budgets aren't necessary for human space travel. Are the individuals on the ground, in affected communities, more suited to plan, coordinate and sustain relief efforts than government entities?

... more to come ...

I just don't get it...

2005-09-12T16:28:00.000-05:00

Everyone in a position of authority is arguing, while private citizens do whatever they can to help out. Are they just extremely uninformed? Or are they afraid? What's the big freakin' deal?! If a fox breaks into your henhouse and eats all your chickens, do you stand there spluttering about it, or do you find a way to fix the problem?!

You could put a better door on the henhouse.
You could hunt down and kill the fox.
You could build a dog run around the henhouse and put rotweilers in it.

These are, afterall, only a few options. Option one requires some thought and planning. Option two doesn't, it's simple and reactive and doesn't cure the problem. I'm sure Mr. and Mrs. Fox have been getting along swell, if you know what I mean. And Option 3 requires more money than is necessary to get to the bottom of the problem. Not to mention time.

I don't know. Maybe I think it's too simple. But it seems to me like the "politicians" have made everything entirely too complex and are far too concerned with advancing their own career-based agendas.

SQL> Select * From tbl_Solutions Where Implementation = 'Now';

Employment for Evacuees

2005-09-06T15:49:00.000-05:00

It seems my quirky home is doing every little thing it can to help its displaced neighbors. In news on WOAI-TV, today, numerous employers have expressed an interest in helping evacuees seek employment.

Good luck to both the employers and the employees in this endeavor! Hopefully plenty of both will find each other and encourage many of the evacuees when things seem so bleak.

SQL> Select Jobs From GoodNeighbors Where Morale > 1;

I Owe You?

2005-09-06T10:51:00.000-05:00

Kuwait and Qatar... hmmm... this is what it means to be a friend and an ally. Thanks guys!

Foreign donations to Hurricane Katrina relief efforts:
Kuwaiti government pledges $500mm
Qatar offers $100mm

It's amazing what these donations amount to on a national per capita basis for each country, roughly $500 per citizen of each country. It is my humble opinion that such generosity surpasses mere friendship.

SQL> Select dblContribution From tblNeighbors Where booAppreciation = True;

This is how politicians should speak.

2005-09-02T14:54:00.000-05:00

Let me channel Denis Leary for a moment...

There's a guy, maybe you've heard of him, there's this guy, who wants his peers to do something. And he doesn't give a "doggone" what the consequences are to his career.

I think we should take a page or two from his book and wake this country up:

NAGIN: Well, did the tsunami victims request? Did it go through a formal process to request?

You know, did the Iraqi people request that we go in there? Did they ask us to go in there? What is more important?

And I'll tell you, man, I'm probably going get in a whole bunch of trouble. I'm probably going to get in so much trouble it ain't even funny. You probably won't even want to deal with me after this interview is over.

Mayor to Feds: "Get off your asses..."

Mayor Nagin, you tell those sons of bitches that aren't helping you whatever you need to tell them and damn what they think of you. There are better people in this country who think you're saying the right thing.

SQL> Select strCandidateName From tblPresidents Where PersonalPolitics <> 'Important' And PublicService = 'Priority';

I never did like the flood...

2005-09-02T14:18:00.000-05:00

I'm a Halo: Combat Evolved and Halo 2 fan. Tried and true, 100%, through and through. The game's developer has long been a great supporter of its community and I'm not really surprised at all to see how they're committed to helping their neighbors in Louisiana.

I found this information, first, on HBO:
"Fight the Flood" news entry

The shirt itself is available at Bungie's store:
Kick Some Flood Bootie!

Anyone interested in the shirt or other Bungie merchandise should be sure to read the additional details Bungie has committed to:
EVERYTHING!

Thanks for extending a helping hand, guys!

SQL> Select RenderAid Where WhateverPossible >= 1;

Disaster Relief

2005-09-02T13:29:00.000-05:00

It's a relief that a very good friend of mine is in town from Biloxi (stationed at Keesler AFB, the site's probably currently offline). It's a relief that he and his wife are alive and well. It's not a relief that I actually know someone who literally survived with the clothes on his back. We don't know if they have a home any longer. We just know that they can make a new home, when the time comes.

His brother is enroute to serve JAG duties in N.O.

There's word that the second 25,000 refugees from New Orleans will be coming here, to San Antonio. Likewise, there's word that some may be going as far as Dallas. I hope we're able to take good care of them.

Riddle me this...

What kind of moron spends time looting in this situation? You're wading through water that can kill you for, what, some free beer? A television? That's a good choice.

Why were we better equipped to support tsunami victims than our own neighbors?

If you can help, please help. If you need help seek help.

Keesler Air Force Base
The Interdictor (Survivor's Blog)

Morning Observations...

2005-08-31T09:01:00.000-05:00

While making my way to ye ole' cubicle this morning I observed:

1. Old Man McFogieguy come to a complete stop in the middle of the road to answer his cell phone. Options... answer the phone while driving (ugh), stop in the middle of the road (are you kidding me?), pull to one side of the road and turn on your hazards.

2. Miss America in her dad's F150 making rotations for 75 MPH, while applying makeup. Apparently the hour devoted to this endeavor, at home, was insufficient... I'll let you interpret that as you wish.

3. Eight people in line at the office ATM. Hmmm... I guess we got paid last night. Why is there always one individual in front of me trying to open a trust fund at these things? Furthermore, why is there a sign on it reading "This ATM is equipped with audio assistance devices for the visually impaired"? That sign isn't in braille... this ranks right up there with braille on drive through ATMs.

4. The crew in our lovely halfateria was joyously playing M.C. Hammer's "Can't Touch This". Scary, man, scary.

5. Today's headline "OUR TSUNAMI!" (warning, PDF file). Pretty much. I wonder if any of the high and mighty countries around the world will render aid... or if we get to go this natural disaster alone.

6. Many advertisements announcing that the bloodsuckers will be at my office next Wednesday, Thursday (I think I'll give blood on the ole birthday) and Friday. Likewise, they're collaborating with 99.5 KISS FM, tomorrow for the annual "Kiss Rock and Roll Up Your Sleeve Blooddrive". If you're in the San Antonio area, you should look into it. The bloodsuckers make me pound my head against my desk when their number appears on the phone, but it is probably one of the best charitable donations one can make without spending a cent.

SQL> Select * From tblReallyBadMusic Where HasBeen = True;

...rescue me...

2005-08-30T19:18:00.000-05:00

Denis Leary's show is on tonight. I'm a big fan, his... hmmm... anger... speaks to me. The show is more fun this season, as more and more of my friends have gotten hooked on it.

BUT, that's not what I'm really here for, this time around. Actually, I'd like to be rescued from the South Texas Blood and Tissue Center. A few months ago, I volunteered to donate platelets. You know, those things that make your blood clot, so you won't die a slow, painful death when you chop the tip of your thumb off making stir fry - yeah, I speak from experience ... and frequently ponder why no one will enjoy my delicious Asian offerings ... maybe it was the delightfully detailed story I shared with everyone of my experience and modern medicine's methods for cauterization, but, I digress. Right. Platelets.

My first donation went splendidly, if slightly uncomfortably (big needle, two hours, blood out, blood in... ok, I'll stop). It was kinda fun and watching a movie without any disturbances was swell. Alas, my next two attempts were not so cool.

During my second visit to the center, El Phlebotomist Muerte (I don't care if that's proper Spanish, I think it's funny) rammed the uber-needle into my spongy flesh (laughter here) and didn't notice it for, oh, sixty minutes! What did I get for my trouble? A fun purple puddle of blood under the skin ... in the medical profession they call this a "bruise". Me, I call it freakin' painful. Ever tried to drive a manual transmission with a bruise on your inner elbow?

After many an apology, I was given a bag full of cold and heat packs to "apply to the bruise to prevent swelling and discomfort". Hmmm... too late, pal.

Drive, stick, repeat for attempt number three.

Amid these trials and tribulations the blood and tissue center called me with unnerving frequency. A customer service representative (in the 'bidness', we call them CSR's, I shall do so here as well) kept inquiring when I'd be available again to donate. I inquired about creating a regular schedule for donations, hoping the calls would cease. Alas, the bloodsuckers (see how I worked that in? been waiting all day to do that) were relentless. I missed two appointments, one due to a late arrival at the airport, the other due to medications I'd taken. Now, they call me four times to remind me of each appointment.

Satisfied with my successful donation, last night, I ventured into work today with a clear head. Satisified that I'd done a good thing for the community at large.

But, lo, what is this? A voicemail from the bloodsuckers today, wanting to know when I'll be available again. Isn't that what the scheduled sessions were for? Jeez, for an organization that thrives on the charitable contributions of our time and body, they sure know how to discourage people.

Don't you worry, though, I'll keep donating. I shall endeavor, however, to encourage the bloodsuckers to be more forgiving of my schedule...

SQL> Select DonorName From tblBotchedDonations Where Satisfaction = 'All I got was this lousy compress";